So basicly my entire life i have wanted to die/been depressed... when i was 7 i got sick.... and did not have a healthy childhood. Before i met my wife i was in serious depression i hated every one every thing and i wanted to die.... i hate my parents because i would have rather died when i was young rather then. Being subjected to so many months in hospital beds, countless surgerys and all the other fun stuff dyalisis... i know there are much sicker people then i. So many of my friends were sick very sick... some died at ages younger ages then i was... i now have 2 daughters and love them to deather i kmow i am a lil more mean then i should be some times i cant help it life just has me so caught up plus they never stop ever... i am a stay at home dad 
i am disabled because of all the medications i need to take for the rest of my life....
I Feel useless id love to get out and work hard work in 115 weather sweating all day. But i cant unless i want to lose/hurt my kidney. Also if i make to much money they will take away my medical assistance and i wont be able to afford my medicine...... they actually took part of my medicade away this month and half of my ssi away because my girlfriend makes to much money.. shes so stressed and keeps calling me useless i already feel so useleas i want to die... we had a big fight today she called me useless serveral times as well as telling me how low n not a man i was i lost it and threw plates around and made a mess i feel bad but shes so bitchy all the time.. i think she may have some form of depression as well......... so iv never done any thing more then think about jumping off bridges or in front of a semi.. but i grabbes my gun today and started cleaning it. I could not stop thinking of the best way to point and pull... n how much It better not jam on me...... i have been battling depession forever i think i jist need some one that can relate (.. this has been a really really streasfull last few months..
Some times i feel like i should go get a job and let every thing run its course let my medical benifits go and just hope my kidney stays alive on its own till my kids are in there 20s n dont need me any more ether
You don't know how muchI can relate to your story. How old are you?
hey... u r depressed bcox u r not doing the things that make u happy.. u said that u have two daughters...u love them nd when u think of ending ur life..do u ever for a second think of them??? be happy father nd make them happy... if ur girlfrnd makes u feel useless then leave her bcox she is the one that is doing nothing for u but only adding to ur depression nd making ur life hell... be with someone who makes u feel special.. depression is smthng that suck us only when we allow it to do so..
27.. its not easy being sick... feeling healthy. Some times im not sure if its fear of ending up in the hospital again or if i just dont want to work or what.... i work on cars and computers when i can/find the work to help.. i think this month is just super stresfull for me we just moved plus i am going ti be paying a decent amount of money for my meds thos month.. as it is i only have a few of one of my perscriptions... ill have to fill it in a few days tho... just a lil of every thing
I do.. there why i want to keep going.. i think my girlfriend is just really stressed this month with,every thing going on in our lives and its put me at an all time low.. i feel much better now.. shes really amazing but can be really nasty to.. she waited till i calmed down and we just laid there for awhile n talked about me blowing up.... she was sorry for beiing so mean.. i hate that being called usless once or twice gets me so mad.... i love her so much i just want her every thing....... and i dont like people in general lol..
I do feel useless but.. i work on my project cars alot to keep motivated tho it can bring stress with the added expense and my some times limted income....
sad you feel that way about you r parents. They were trying to help you after all and it's fate that deals us the cards. Live for your children and enjoy them and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just do what you can no matter how big or small to help your family.