Becoming someone else - someone really stupid?

Women's health
1

Hello Ladies! I am 51, and think I am turning into another person, doing stupid things and making daft mistakes. It's affecting my relationship as my partner says I can't be trusted, and that they wouldn't be able to rely on me in a crisis, and it's true.  I have left keys in the front door, or worse, and seem to be unable to do things right anymore. I have left the gas on, and forgotten parts of a meal, or poured alcoholic drinks for everyone at dinner parties when my partner has been teetotal for four years. It's as though my brain has switched off. 

I have had irregular periods for about a year and the last one was at the end of December. I am lucky that I don't get hot flushes yet, but can break out into a cold sweat when I realise I have yet again done something crazy.

I found this site first as a result of the posts on aching joints, but I don't understand how I have become so stupid. It's not just that I am forgetful - even with a list I can forget to bring everything back. If I mean to do something I remember whilst cleaning my teeth, by the time I finish I have forgotten all about it. I make bad decisions, I have lost confidence in driving, I can tune out during a conversation and say something stupid, I can put the washing on the wrong cycle and just not understand the point someone is making at work. Sometimes I try t make a point and just lose my train of thought, when I used to be quite eloquent.  I was a confident woman who held down a responsible job, and now I sometimes don't recognise myself. I can be driving somewhere and then forget the place we discussed going to five minute earlier and drive past it. I find I lose concentration really easily. If it wasn't affecting my relationship so badly I wouldn't be so worried - and my dad had Alzheimer's which makes me worry that I will be next. Any suggests to get my brain back on track? 

  

2

 hi there i  can sympathise with you i have said myself i feel like im a different person since this all started.  i am very forgetful sometimes dont know what day it is and whether im at w ork or not.  when i am at work i forget when i answer the phone what it is im supposed to be saying.  i leave electricals on and put milk in oven i loaw my train of thought during a conversation and forget what it is we talking about and then when i do say something it either has nothing to do with conversation or it comes out gobblygook.  i was same as most thought hot flushes and sweats was all menopause consisted of but there is so m uch more too it and unfortunately memory loss and this brain madness for want of a better word is all part of it.  I havent really found anything that helps with this the other ladies may be able  to offer some advice but ive started to write things down a lot now and have got  back into to exercise to try and put some routine back into my body and this website keeps me sane when i think im ready to lose it.  youre not alone and i will also be interested in what advice is given as i could use it myself 

3

Hi madmarilyn, you sound like me!  Along with all the other 47 symptoms, I am equally as forgetful! Like you, mid conversation with someone I forget where I'm going with my point of view, or struggle with finding the right word.  I'm hoping to be going for a job interview at the end of this week but am worried about answering questions about examples of work I've done in the past, because I can't seem to stay on my train of thought!  It's awful, laughable (sometimes), frustrating and annoying. I just hope it doesn't last too much longer.  You aren't alone! X 

4

Thanks to you both, it really does make a difference to know that I am not the only crazy bird out there. I do write everything down - I go through books and books as I have to take notes about everything to refer back to at work, I am definitely more switched on if I walk, and now it's lighter in the evenings, I am going to try to go for a half hour walk each evening. And see if that he,ps, and try a bit of positive thinking. I just don't understand why I seem to mess up simple tasks. If it was just me it affected, I wouldn't mind so much, but I really feel I am making my partne's life a misery - it should be possible for me to be relied upon, and the thought I can't be trusted is excruciating - I will just have to try harder, thanks for the support. I am so lucky to have someone who loves me, I don't want to risk losing them. It's hard for them to understand how I can be so stupid, as they have to check everything I do and I think they feel more like my carer than partner... 

5

One thing I do know, the more you worry about doing daft things, the more daft things you do because the worry stops you being able to focus.

6

hi hun

have you had any routine blood tests lately .. check all is okay 

ie.. Thyroid etc 

jay x

7

Hiya

You know you've 'Come Home' when all your replies to your post indicate that we're all experiencing the same as you!:-)

I too do most ALL the things you mention, in varying degrees. I spend so much time with my husband that he's even talking twaddle and mixing his words now......or have we always been that way inclined?!!

I know it sounds a bit like you'd expect to have to tell your ageing parent, but I've found writing a list/using a diary a necessity these days.

Never one to be described as 'eloquent' (and I've been called a few things in my time!!), I ran our Business for 22yrs, rarely looked at a diary and could reel things off from my 'diary' in my head, remembering names/events in a flash! Not now.......

You have my full sympathy regarding driving - I hate it, and only do so out of necessity, and to justify having my own car!

Worse thing for me was having sold our Business, I've not had to work and my confidence plummeted. So much so, I had to give myself a swift kick up the a*se to get myself back in the game!

So in January I started taking a supplement (Menopace Original) and trialled some Bioidentical Progesterone Cream. Result = I've felt 100 times better for it. I can only assume that I was totally depleted in ALL the mins/vits I now take to feel this much better.

As for the B'Prog Cream - who knows?? I had a return to my 'Angry Nutty Bird'-status a couple of weeks ago prior to a bleed (still regular as clockwork - how much that's to do with the Prog Cream, I can't say??), and my aching joints sorta returned, but now I feel fine again.

I see others are suggesting a visit to your GP - good call. Blood tests would show any issues with the thyroid/any other issues.

Are you take anything at all to help with your Peri symptoms/have you talked with your GP about any of this yet? Be prepared to be offered SSRIs/ADs - if in the UK - as these are being offered a lot for Peri symptoms. Some ladies swear by them, their new BFF, and good for them: we all need a break sometimes. Just not something I want to use (personal reasons).

I understand your partner's concerns but I think it probably bothers you more than him. My husband is my best pal and as a result has to hear about all my symptoms. He's very supportive and thinks I'm doing OK at the mo. But we both know that there's HRT available for me when I think it might be best for me.

Maybe leave a 'Perimenopause Symptoms' page open on your laptop for him to see. If he's anything like my ol' man, he'll be amazed at how much relates to him too! OMG,can you imagine if they acknowledged a 'Male Menopause'? My bet is there'd be so much available for men to alleviate their symptoms, no taboo/mystique attached......and lots of ugly old men chasing young chicks around.....like some of them don't already!!

Wouldn't bother me too much as I've lost my libido completely :-) !!!

Chin up M/Marilyn - we're all their with you, Kiddo :-)

Sx

8

Hey Madmariyn,

I remember being in that kind of shape earlier in this process. We are the same age, actually, but it's been a long haul for me. 

I think if you have your blood checked for thyroid problems and anemia, take the menopace, use the progesterone cream. . . you should get better. But overworking at all just throws it all back in the loopy bin. So rest a lot, don't be ambitious at all. Walk, yeah, like half an hour at least three times a week.

And I am sorry it is affecting your relationship. I guess it is a real relationship tester. Maybe let your partner in on this forum? I did get some words from older friends who have been through it already. They said, it is only a few years in a long life. Well, I don't know if that philosophy is useful to you right now! But maybe let your partner know . . . this is part of nature. BUT, I am sure with the right pills, creams, potions and lotions, you will get back to being yourself.

Just a note on anti-depressants, I take them anyway because I suffer from depression. When the menopause symptoms started in, I tried increasing my dosage, but it didn't help. The progesterone cream helped.

Try this and that, and don't give up!

 

9

Thanks all of you wonderful women - I read this forum avidly, and it never ceases to amaze me what incredible support and positive vibes come from all of you, and so quickly and with such care and humour in equal measure! I didn't have the best weekend, after doing one too many stupid things, but I had a really good heart to heart with my partner and explained that if I could change the way I am, I would, and I even talked about the forum and how I had been writing to ask for help. I think we understand each other's better now, and after a good cry and a big hug, things are looking up. We are on the same side, at least, and that feels so much better. 

All of your support has made me realise that I am not alone, and that this is one of those low points you have to have in order to appreciate the highs - I am just waiting for one of those to come along, a I know it must be close. I know I am lucky, both with my life and my partner. And I will try not to over analyse things too, good advice! 

I hate the thought of pills and chemicals - I am of the JayneeJay school of thought and would rather be natural, so I have researched foods with B6 and magnesium and will try that. I haven't been to the doctor yet - again, I know that often pills are seen as an answer and ai would rather try diet and exercise first, but will be off there if things don't improve. 

Thank you all again for being so quick with advice - I know where to come next time I biol the kettle dry, leave the tap running or come home without the shopping! 

 

10

Hi hun

we all have the crazy moments and forget stuff, cant remember things, or names, i forgot the name of our cat the other day, ' crazy' 😊

One time after shopping i thought i lost my cheese, searched the car boot, etc then 3 days later found it in the freezer .. Cant remember ever putting it in there.. 

My other half thought it was funny ( for him) mid flight once to say to me, oh ' did you turn the iron off ' oh the panic, all my colour drained out my face, wanted the pilot to turn the plane round, then i thought... ' i never had the iron out '  the rotter ..

as for your other half, get a page of symptoms up about menopause, say ' read this' i did that and my other half couldnt believe it..

' Ummmmmm i said well believe it ' and have abit of consideration and understanding.. 

As for HRT i am not against it .. I use estriol for my dry vag 😳

as per Gyno guidance .. It only treats that nothing else, 

normal HRT too high risk for me, i had endometriosis in my 30's lots of laser surgery, and ovarian follicular cysts that grew on peri onset, plus family history of breast cancer etc etc etc .. Not that i would have it anyway as i want menopause symptoms over, dont want to postpone it with HRT and go through all this again in later life ' no way' had ten year natural peri.. & 19 months post meno now, got excellent Gyno support, and aged 50 so dont want the peri again aged 65 ... No no no 😃

Not for me ..

jay x