I’ve been extremely depressed and unmotivated since I was young. I spent a long time just feeling bad for myself and assuming it was just “like that” but the more i’ve thought about it i think a lot of it has to do with my childhood. My mom was a heavy drug user (meth, coke, prescription drugs, weed, alcohol, cigs, etc.) and my dad had a bad brain injury and got indoctrinated into a heavy duty religion and split so things were pretty bad with my mom and my grandparents took me when i was young. as i was growing up things were basically a three way fight of custody and my grand parents basically did what they could to make me and my brother prefer to stay with them, so they spoiled us, gave us huge allowances, and basically let us do whatever we wanted and play video games all day and not doing homework or failing classes just resulted in “well it’s okay because you tried!”. A lot of the reasons why i’m so lost link to that, like i’m horrible with money and spend impulsively because i was spoiled and didnt get a job for a long time, im terrified of confrontation because my grandma would deal with my problems herself and when i fought with my brother i’d hide behind her and she’d sort it out so i never had to face consequences for my actions, i was never forced to do homework so i did poorly in school not because i was stupid but because i played games instead, since i never had responsibilities i feel like that plays a role in why i feel fine sitting around doing nothing all day. I stay up late, wake up when the day is half over, cant be bothered to brush my teeth, clean my room, and i’m lucky if i manage to eat a bowl of cereal for the day. Some days i just watch youtube and sleep all day. I’m also extremely short for my age and very skinny and look young and since it’s always been like that i’ve always been mistaken as much younger, so i was treated like a kid well into my teen years and i was convinced i was a kid and now i’m 20 but i still feel like i’m 13 and i see other adults as authoritive figures and find it hard and even scary to talk to them. I can’t hold a conversation for the life of me and i find that many people immediately hate me and i don’t know why. I have had tons of interviews but never get called back and can tell usually from 5 minutes in that tgey dont want to hire me and i can only get jobs from family members. I can’t stand up for myself and usually let people walk all over me. I have a few friends who aren’t really good for me and teach me bad habits like staying up super late and playing video games all day and i’m too impulsive to say no. I have dreams and aspirations of making art for musical artist and making my own clothing brand but as of now i will nevee be able to make it a reality. I would rather be dead than work a nornal job my whole life and want to work for myself but i have absolutely no leadership traits and my people skills are non existent. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I need a parental figure to teach me the things i shouldve learned as a kid and teen and just good life skills to become successful, like a mentor or something but i don’t know how or where to find that. ive tried therapy but it didnt help and i feel like i need something more personal, and hands on like a parent or mentor. I would be willing to pay but I just don’t know where to look. im already 20 and i feel like my youth is being wasted way too quickly. What do i do?
Hi,
I think it is SO great that you came here. I think you have so so much potential. It is amazing how perceptive you are about your situation and the effects of your grandparents on your habits....
There is so much great news for you, actually.
YOU want to improve, you want a better life and you see what you need. I too, think you need a mentor. FOR SURE.
There are many places to find one. If you have time, I recommend that you try some type of volunteering to help someone or something like animal rescue. But something where you are in contact with other people that have to teach you how to do something but you are also making a difference in the world. It will build you character and give you a sense of self worth.
Maybe also, you could take an aptitude test at a local community college and see where your strengths lie. After the test, see if you have discovered some trade you may be interested in and then pursue it. When you train for something whether in regular school or vocational school, you will have the mentors/teachers that you need.
I hope so much you take action, I think you show so much promise.
Also, if you find yourself wasting your days in front of YouTube, start giving yourself a schedule.
For instance, say ok for every two hours of youTube watching I am going to spend an hour looking for a volunteer position. Then find one.
Then keep adjusting your schedule to the point where YouTube is the smallest part of your schedule and you have filled the rest of it up with more meaningful activities that will take you out of your rut.
Exercise and eat right to keep your energy up.
God Bless you
I agree with Anon. Volunteer work would provide mentor ship and training. It would also get you on a schedule.
VoTech is an excellent idea too!
Hi I can't really add to what's been said except to say that interviewers don't 'hate' you. It takes a lot of effort to hate someone don't forget so why should they bother? They obviously think you are unsuitable for the job and I can understand this if you behave like a child.
I think you should go to counselling and get some proper help. x
thank you, this response is actually really helpful, i’ll give some of this a try. for the trade thing though, no men in my family have graduated from university and my brothers are both into drugs and aren’t going so for a long time my grand parents and parents were assuming i’d be the only one to go, but then i got horrible grades and took the wrong classes. i didn’t try in high school but i’m sort of smart i think but just lazy, when i try i get A’s on my work no matter what the subject is, and i don’t want to be another one of my brothers or whatever, i want to go to university and i want to be really successful in life to make everyone proud and show my family that i’m not like them.
i wouldn’t say i behave like a child, i just see myself as one compared to others like during an interview say instead of anither adult it feels like when you’re a kid in school talking to a teacher and there’s that sense of authority because they are adults even though i am too. it makes it hard to make friends because most of my coworkers are older than me so i feel the whole teacher student thing and i can’t relate with them and it makes me nervous talking to them
Hi I understand what you are saying but I still think some of this must come across when you are talking to them. Did adults abuse you in the past? Is this why you are scared of them? I think counselling could help you especially CBT. x