Behaviuoral issues with a 9 year old boy

Children's health
1

hi,

my son is 9 years and hes going through some behaviuoral issues at home and in school. there are disciplinary issues in regard to waking up on time for school, doing his home work on time, going to bed late. and for all of this we are constantly having arguements.He is disrespecting me  and always wants his way out and when i dont do that he gets into a rage and says rude things.He feels im always screaming and shouting at him and nagging him to do his home work etc. Yes i do shout at him but there has to be a level of tolerance also.

At school he is havimg issues like he is gettinng into fights with kids-either he is pushing someone or holding a kid by the neck,disrespecting teachers by not listening to them, not paying attention in class. He is an extremely sharp kid academically as well as superb in sports.Recently, I was called to school by his teacher who told me about whats going on with him in school in terms of his behaviour.

He thinks his mother is his enemy who says no to him for everything.But he does not see my love for him.

I am very concerened and would like to seek help.

Anyone who could pls advice as to how to handle him.

 

2

hi ritz, my grandson was the same way especially if you told him no, no matter what it was regarding. After numerous doctors and specialists he was put on a mild form of ridilin and he is an entirely different child. stopped having tantrums, misbehaving in school, no longer argues over everything. his brain did not process info like yours and mine and everything was the end of the world. all in the past now.

3

thank you for ur response but i dont want to put him under any kind of medication for this

4

Sorry you're having a hard time; it sounds like your son is 9 going on 15! I notice that there's no mention of the father in your post, does his dad have any sort of consistent input? If not, maybe lacking a male role model is part of the problem. This can be difficult - if you are a single mum, then you can't be expected to produce a partner just to cope with your son's behaviour! I wonder if he also has a female class teacher - if so, he may be feeling trapped in a world where he is constantly nagged by women! Maybe there is a male relative who could give you some support? If, by any chance, you are not a single mum but your partner is simply ducking out of dealing with any behaviour issues and leaving it all to you, then you definitely need to bring them on board! In the meanwhile, try not to get into screaming matches, which are unproductive - try the good old standby of ignoring inappropriate behaviour and praising the odd good spot! However, having said all this, if his behaviour continues to cause problems both at home and in school, you may need to seek professional help - this can be accessed through the school, or through your GP.

5

hi,thanks for ur response.The dad is very much in the picture.Infact he is a complete disciplinarian and the only person my son is a bit scared of or listens to is his dad. He agrees to most of the things in front of him but during the day its me whose handling him and he throws a tantrum,misbehaves etc.both dad and son are very close too. 

6

The fact that Dad is very much there, and very strict into the bargain, puts a rather different complexion on things - maybe your son is up to the old game of playing one off against the other. You and his father need make sure that your son realises that you are a united front - that being rude and disrespectful to the mother is just the same as to the father, and deserving of the same consequences. Is there anything your son really wants, that could be a reward target? Try a star chart, awarding stars for when he does something good (e.g does his homework, does something helpful in the house etc.); never take stars away. Make sure his dad makes a big thing of looking at the chart when he comes home, and gives praise for any awards, being disappointed (rather than angry) when there aren't any. Agree in advance how many stars are needed to get the big reward of the thing he wants. It doesn't need to be stars if your son thinks this is babyish; any sort of points system will do.  This may not work at all! But then, it might - I've seen big improvements in behaviour from this kind of scheme.

7

i am really sorry hun but its boundries all the way,

never make a promise you dont keep 

or back down on a set punishment 

this i know is really hard i have 2 daughters and an Aspergers son so i know its hard . they are all grown now and not  a bad lot

not perfect,  as you no,know bodies children are, no matter what there parents think.

your son sounds like his very inteligent maybe his board and not being pushed harder enough at school inteligent children get bored and become disruptive if not challenged .

is there anything he could take up after school  something phyiscal to tire him out . and i am not accusing you of anything ,but how does he eat , i know kids are a pain like mine, i had 3 all treated the same way.

 two eat veg and dinners and the middle wouldnt no matter what i tried . ,just thought  it could be something to look at make sure his not taking in to much of anyone food group .his still growing and needs nutition to help his brain devolope as well as his muscles etc 

set boundries and no matter how hard he pushes and he will stick to them ,let him no when you say no that you mean it.

but dont forget to reward positve or good behaviour . its tough being a parent i did it alone i know ,

 dont listen to other parents who put you down , who think there kids are perfect , because there not .

i think your son is more advanced then his peers and his bored this causes major frustration , find something for him to use that frustration on instead of you .

my middle daughter went thru a stage were she hated me she wrote me horrid painful letters full of reall frustration and my god did hurt , but i rode it and stood firm now we are back to being mother and daugter

, we disagree as differant generations do but we are  there for each other as mums and daughters  should be . we are not best friends ,she has friends i am her mum and i respet the choices she makes even if i dont agree with them and can see disater ahead ,but i am always there to pick up the pieces children have to learn by there mistakes to grow . sorry iv gone on abit

.might be worth having your sons IQ tested .you might have a little genius .

our grandsons IQ  at 2yrs was over a hundred i forget excatly , he was caught early. so wont go thru the frustration that so many gifted children do [hopefully ]

chin up stand firm but always with love even when they hit out at you its tough and apainful but what love isent         smile .GOOD LUCK ;

 

8

hi ritz, neither did my daughter in fact she researched for about six months and spoke with as many people as possible before deciding. the product he takes is all natural and only takes it when in school. he is now 15 and seldom takes it anymore. he did start it around the same age as your son. best of luck!

9

Hi Im sorry to hear that your having problems It sounds like your son is very strong willed and hates being told what to do  Like lots of boys!   Kids can be impossible sometimes but I do not agree with labelling and drugging children with behavioural problems as it can be very damaging to their health and brain developement.  Kids have become a target for drug companies and psychologists  and I think it is getting out of hand.  You say your son is good at sport and I think you should focus on this and get him involved as much as possible maybe playing for a football team to boost his self esteem and make friends.. Please try and be his best friend and tell him you love him. Try and find out why hes fighting in school There could be lots of reasons.  Just because a child doesnt  do as hes told it doesnt mean he has a mental illness. Hes just a boy. Dont give up whatever you do . Stand by him and be his friend and he will thank you for it when he gets older. God bless I hope things get better