Ok. So i posted on here about friends leavi g me having a panic attack in a foreign country. I have managed to explain to friends about how i feel and how it works since we got home and we were all ok. Until i get a text saying
" Without being horrible it's a massive risk. I would still want you there but can't be worrying about giving you responsibilities for you to then have an attack on the day. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I need to have a think about it. Xxxxx"
How the hell am i supposed to feel now
Aww no!! That should be your choice if you feel you can go through with it or not! I was pretty much in the same situation I was bridesmaid for my partners brothers wedding and as it got closure I started to have panic attacks I was terrified of having one during the service. Right up until the morning of the wedding I didn't want to do it but I did and I'm glad I did because it was a big thing for me to achieve. I did take diazepam with me and did have to take it to keep calm but it worked and I was still anxious but I enjoyed it still.
I don't think it's fair that she has text you that she should have sat you down and spoke to you properly, and asked how you feel about it. It's a big responsibility but you can do it if you put your mind to it, and I'm sure your fiancée will be with you every step of the way! If she doesn't let you then don't ask her at your wedding! A true friend will want to help you it just seems that she wants the easy way out. If it was me and I was getting married and my maid of honour suffered with panic attacks I would try to encourage her to try at least if you have to run out of the room so be it their still getting married!
I'd be tempted to not do it now as I wouldn't feel wanted but that's me I give in to things. I hope you don't.
I think you both need a proper chat not over text x
Outraged!
Still, this wonderful 'friend' is planning her big day and she's being honest, but very, very hurtful.
Kerry, get some new friends!!!
I do understand what shes saying. I know you do too. It does makes sense and it can happen. You should understand that. My issue.. So she sent such a sensitive tooic to you in a f**king text!? That part is beyond rude. This fool you have been best friends with forever is such a passive aggresive, self absorbed rude person she sends you a text and doesnt think wow poor girl let me take her to lunch and explain this and find you anither spot in her bridal party. Shes rude! Shes correct in her realization but shes rude in her mannerisms. She is not your friend, not the definition of a friend i would define. It is just the way she reacts to you is no good. Thats on her.
I have recieved a text to ask me to still be maid of honour. I dont know how i feel. I feel like i am being punished for having a mental health issue. If this was in a work place i could have sued her for thousands x
Exactly. I said i understood but was very hurt x
If I were you I'd say NO THANKS AND GOODBYE.
Haha i think i would resign my positiin as her maid of honor. And in a text haha. I would say as this is your special wedding day i feel it is best for you to find a new maid of honor. As i am battling with anxiety attacks i do not want to even have the potential for ruining your day. I Would like to be in the bridal party if thats acceptable for you. Dont do it love dont be her maid of honor. Jeez she would never understand if you got anxiety. Not worth that.
Between us you are better off not being the maid of honor and i know you realize that.
Keep in mind who you are dealing with here this woman abandoned you in spain to get dinner. Dinner? She texts to avoid confrontation or she is that callous i dont know her, and i can not see her becoming a more compassionate person anything soon. Now this is someone you would even want to ba maid of honor for? Nah. She couldnt handle you ruining her din din in a foreign country, if you had a panic attack in her bridal party she would tear you apart. Do get that? Dint let that opportunity arise. Say no thank you.
Totally agree. Well said, Lisa.
they are looking after their interests because they think you are unpredictable. Stay friends and earn their trust.
Right now im mad at them for you.. Im sorry but time to say you are done with them. Send her a card forget the gift. Xx
You are so right,if she had a panic attack she would blame her for spoiling her wedding. I would not do it kerry.
They need to earn kerrys trust now!
It is a difficult situation but I don't think you need to break a friendship over it. Everyone here is over reacting because your friend is not their friend. They are being idealistic. But with mental health problems you need to push the boat out so that they understand you.
Im not over reacting i just recently lived it. 30 years of friendship that needed to end after years of it being one sided. I dont want to be a half of a friendship anymore. I think alot of us comenting took years to wise up. True friends are indeed hard to find,fairweather friends are there only when you can provide them something whether that be going out,a loan,someone to listen to their problems while they dont hear a word you say about your life,and they usually dont ask. I think we want Kerry to not waste her time on fair we ather friends and find those that will be there when its not fun,to listen ,to support. None of us can decide this for her,just letting her know what we have learned. Xx
I dont think people are over reacting. I have been there for them for 11 years. Always listening to them and helping them and the 1 time it got tough for me i get a text saying im a risk. Im upset it was done in a text. No phone call no chat over coffee. I wasnt asked it if i felt like i could do it. I understand its her bigs day but i dont think that gives you the the right to make your friends feel like this. I would never send a text saying someone is a risk. Its not about earning trust as that should have been erant all the times ive helped them out. This is about respecting someones feelings
Also we have spoken over the phone and they have done their research and said they understand more about it and how it can feel. Over the past couple of years mental health problems have become to be taken more serious and a health issue just like anyother in the UK. To be told over text my mental health is a risk has taken a huge step back in respecting people like us x
So still its all over text? After they did their reserach, which still doesnt excuse what they did in spain or the original texts. What did they learn? That they are flawed and lack compassion? Did they learn they were cold and self absorbed? Did they take ownershio of their crappy behavior? Or did they learn to make uo an excuse for their behaviors? Why are they still texting do they drive? Cant drive over for a group hug and apologize to you? All go out to lunch maybe laugh a bit and say okay you next time you feel that way you better tell us the truth cause we are all here for you. We will all do breathing together, we did research we see we were jerks but now we know and well all figure this out. If you feel you dont want to go out we are coming over with popcorn and wine coolers or whatever..your dealing with so are we. I have friends like that, my kids thru weeding out fake people have friends like that and my kids are kind like that. Kind people exist. They should be at your house by now and hugging you. Their reserach was limited as so is their compassion. Thats the truth. You sound so kind and full of love and you need to be surrounded by that as well. Everyone can make a mistake, i get that but they havemt fixed theirs yet.