so me and my boyfriend have been dating me 2 years, we are both 18 and are first loves. Till about 4 months in, he showed very few signs of anger, he would sometimes get irritated easily, but nothing that was upsetting. when he did show his anger, he would cause me, my friends and family a lot of stress, he stopped me seeing my friends and doesnt like my family because they dont like how he treats me when hes angry.
so for about a year he was horrible to me, nearly breaking up with me every week and i had no freedom, but when he was kind, he was amazing and thats when i would love him and be happy and i know i should love him and be happy all time! however i stayed with him! about 3 months ago, he told me he just found out he had bipolar and that he felt we needed a break for him to go sort himself out, get some counselling and stuff, i respected this and during that time, i sadly was not scared anymore, i felt free, i felt like i wasnt being watched all the time and i wasnt as sad as i thought i would have been. so we didnt see or talk to eachother for about 2 weeks, he called me up and said he missed me and loved and wanted to get back together, he had calmed down and wasnt the angry person he was before, foolishly in love, we got back together and true enough he had calmed down, occasionally he would get aggitated! but way less than he used to, up until about 3 weeks ago, when he found out his a level results and he didnt do all that well, so naturally he has been upset about them and i understand that! however he has become angry and rude to me again!! over little things, like one time i had no signal and once i got my signal back, i got all these texts from him because i hadnt replied straight back to him, (this was while i was on a shopping trip with my sister) and he was being very angry and rude to me and kept calling me and texting me and i was scared, it was happening all over again and i said i dont deserve this, i do so much for you, you cant talk to me like this when i havent done anything and so i said i you can call me when you calmed down and so i didnt look at my phone until he had!
another example was yesterday, now i very rarely am able to go out with my friends, he has slowly been letting me, yesterday was one of my best friends birthday party and hes not allowed to come, because my friends dont like him. but during the party, i made sure to check my phone if he texted, because otherwise he would get made if i didnt! i was having a good time tho and didnt wanna be on my phone the whole time! i was dancing and having fun ( i wasnt drinking tho, he doesnt allow me too) anyway, at one point i didnt look at my phone for about 10 mins and when i looked at it, he had texted me asked what i was doing and i hadnt seen the text and so he had called me, texted me loads and was getting very angry that i hadnt replied. he of course thught i was cheating!! which i havent! whenever hes angry he always calls me a liar and a cheat, when im not, i havent done anything to make him think i am! and i was so upset, he was being horrible and angry and i had to get my best!! friend to help me deal with it, becaue i didnt wanna go through this anger again on my own and he eventually calmed down, but then he got angry about 3 more times during the night and i ended up crying and wasnt looking at my phone again, because i was too scared to talk to him!!
when i got home i finally texted him and he said sorry, and then he went on to say he was depressed, addicted to weed (which he has like everyday to help calm him and i've said he shouldn't rely on it for relaxation) and wanted to kill himself (he has said this a lot to me, to threatened me btw) and i said he needs to go see a doctor and that this isn't an excuse to treat me badly. he went to the doctor today and they are gonna give him anti depressants and ritalin. he then got angry at me again and he always blames me for his anger, but i literally do nothing wrong and if i ever do anything i take responsibility for it! but i'm not ever doing anything wrong!! and he keeps blaming me and getting angry at me and pushing me away! i don't want to be pushed away tho, i love him so much!!! i suggested we take a break, so he can like sort himself out, but he said he wouldn't sort himself out if we did that, because he would be too upset! we had a long phone conversation and sorted some things out, even though i know he is still blaming me for his anger (which is really upsetting) im a good person, im not an angry person, i dont do things to make him angry or upset, i do as he tells me, which is unheathy, because i do it because im scared of him! he knows this! he knows he doesnt deserve me and he said i can find a better man that will treat me as i should be tearted and truthfully i know i can too! and im leaning towards it, because i cannot be continued to be treated so badly! but then i love him so much and dont want to lose him, but im afradi i may have to, because im not going through that year of anger that i did!!!! it took a toll on me!!! and ive only just come out of it!
please give me some advice, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to deal with bipolar, im afraid hes gonna kill himself!!
