I am 33 and 6 months ago i was feeling on top of the world lived in a great apartment, work contracting earning good money, good group of friends, good social life etc..
But then for no reason at all I started suddenly feeling depressed, stopped sleeping properly fell behind with my rent and found myself out of work. Then one night i sat up drinking and thought I can't take this anymore, wrote out a suicide note and cut my arm open and stabbed myself in the neck, horrific and embarrassing way to try and end things i know.
While laying there waiting to bleed to death I thought what the hell have i done, I don't want to die rang an ambulance and was rushed to a&e. After spending a couple of days in a psych ward I decided to give up my own place and move back in with my father.
Now I struggle to even get out of bed in the mornings, i am a shell of the person i used to be, have lost all my confidence and am too depressed/scared to get myself back into work, even 3 months after this happened. I have a horrific scar down my arm now which makes me paranoid in public.
I have tried a few different anti depressants which have just numbed me and made me not want to do anything, i am currently on mirtazapine 15mg.
All i am now doing is thinking how great my old life was before I stupidly done this to myself, and now if I'm honest i am still having thoughts of ending things.
Has anyone else bounced back from a suicide attempt and successfully managed to put it behind them? Really struggling to see a future here.
Yes people come back, but therapy of some kind is often needed, meds are seldom the whole answer
Thanks for the reply, i have been waiting 2 months to get an appointment with a psychologist, which is an annoying wait but if the fundings not there on the nhs guess theres not much you can do.
aww stay strong mate..i know exactly how you are feeling. ive suffered with depression on and off for years since i lost my baby at 5.5months. But over the past few months ive started driking myself into oblivion to hide away from the depression and suicidal thoughts..i know that with some more councelling and meds..i will pick back up again but its having the balls to admit and seek help..in the last 7 weeks, ive quit my job and now had my kids taken off me because of my drinking..you need to stop thinking about your old life and start thinking about your new life..we will all get there eventually but it will take time. try doing some exercises, go out running as much as it will be effort you will feel better with it in time and will meet new people. good luck and stay positive..there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all.
The wait on the nhs is ridiculous I know, when I really needed help they just weren't there at all
Yes but you need therapy but you can and will do it!!!
You fell on some rough times you made some mistakes your only human and we all do that at times.
Quit kicking yourself in the butt and dwelling on what went wrong and start thinking of how you want to shape your wonderful new future!!! With the help of counseling of course.
And as far as scars wear a long sleeve shirt or if your into tattoos get them covered up with a nice one or do a tattoo sleeve. Where there is a will there is a way my friend but you have to take the first step you must not dwell.
Find a good Dr/Counseling and stay open to Drs suggestions about medication at least until the two of you agree you can go off of them .
I see I bright future for you my friend you reached out to us for support you're already on the right track!!! God bless you and please keep us posted. Xoxo
You will get there James it takes time you must try to be very patient with yourself, don't try and rush thing just take baby steps at first and feel proud of yourself for even small things like getting up or going for a walk. When I was your age I cut my wrist and wanted to die crying my eyes out I was a complete mess, my girlfriend rang the ambulance. It will get better. I was drinking too much and drug taking, then I found myself in a police cell rang my dad for bail, moved in with mum and dad and went to doctors I'm on escitalopram now don't smoke or drink or drugs in work and slowly getting my life back. You can to absolutely but you must accept and let go just keep telling your self. It done accept it and let go then you can start to move forward. Good luck and never feel alone we are all in this together
So sorry to hear about your loss, hope you are ok. I know its common sense really to exercise/stop looking back etc.. but my brain seems to have just turned against me where even getting out of bed feels like running a marathon ha, i will get out early in the morning for a run tho definitely, thanks for your help 
I understand what you are going through
I suffer from depression and my life hit the rocks
I had a lot of thoughts of just ending it
Never give in the to thinking life will be better if I wasn't here. I am picking myself up and it is tough
And there are days when you don't feel like getting up to face the world but I say to myself that things will get better and it will you need to find a resin to get out of bed like changing your outlook on life
There's plenty of people on here who will help you
Good luck and stay positive
I understand what you are going through
I suffer from depression and my life hit the rocks
I had a lot of thoughts of just ending it
Never give in the to thinking life will be better if I wasn't here. I am picking myself up and it is tough
And there are days when you don't feel like getting up to face the world but I say to myself that things will get better and it will you need to find a resaon to get out of bed like changing your outlook on life
There's plenty of people on here who will help you
Good luck and stay positive
Thanks very much for your reply, some really good words there
Thanks for the reply danny, sounds pretty similar to what I went through.. I didn't mention in the opening post i was drinking and drug taking a lot which has obviously been part of the trigger of depression.. I haven't touched anything again in 3 months since and doubt i will again but feel even worse right now lol i am due to start a job Tuesday so hopefully this could be the start to recovery!
Always welcome honey good luck everything will work out fine just hold your head up and have faith!!!
Please let me know how you're doing!!!! 😀
I have been where you are. Hang on and after your appoinment I pray you get some meds that help. It's a hard road but worth it. With the right medicine and therapy you can get back your energy and the desire to get better. The feelings that lead you here are truly devestating. Im sorry you are so depressed. I hate knowing that you are struggling. Don't think your stupid because this is a disease. It is really hard to understand also. The antidepressants are not one fits all, as you now know. The most important thing to remember is you may have to change meds several times to get the right ones. Don't ever stop taking them without your doctors approval and when you do you have to be weaned off. The process will take a lot of time and you should take it a day at a time. The time will seem slow but one day you will look back and be amazed at how far you've come. The mirtazipine should help you sleep. Anything thats not agreeing with you or you can't sleep, speak with your doctor. I have faith that you will be better soon.
What do I do? I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for 2 years. I have been on several different antidepressants
Hi James - sorry to read of your situation. I was the bright and bubbly person who was everyones friend which was expected in my profession, and I managed all my life despite a permanent depressive disorder. Alcohol wasreadily available and drugs were easy to get, and for several years they helped me keep the mask on. Then they didn't. A spectacular fall and I was alone, having to deal with the issues that had plagued me all my life. Constant thoughts of suicide, but a quiet voice inside telling me I would dfeeply regret such a move. I had only one other choice - seek help and admit my weakness. The doctor/meds/therapy road was tough, lotsa mistakes and wrong diagnosis/assumptions/medications. But necessary. I suggest you make that effort because what else are you going to do? I think before one can "legitimately" suicide, one has to explore and utilize all and any avenues there are.
Like you, looking back at what I had - the people, the influence, the sense of belonging, the satisfaction in my days - can be difficult at times. I have to remind myself that life isn't a stagnant matter, it twists and morphs and change is esssential for it's existence. I have learned much about myself and also that one's position in this material, egocentric society has little importance. Knowing yourself is the job. Please do what you can to find a counsellor/psychologist/thera[pist with whom you can talk through your issues. They are not there to judge you. Medications can help take the edge off so you can tackle issues intellectually and not emotionally. Progress might seem slow until the lightbulb moments when you will gain a knew perspective ans strength from that.
As for the scar on your arm, if people ask, tell them you fell through a plateglass window, or some accident comensurate with the wound. They don't need to know bevcause it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Once they have an answer, they conversation moves on. As for not wanting to get out of bed etc, I'm sure many in this thread will know what that is like. You must set yourself small goals for the next day, making them a routine. Keep focussed on what you are aiming to achieve - an understanding of what ails you and how you can recognise triggers and any threat of depressive episodes into your future. Therapy will help provide you with the tools to deal with any episodes. Best of luck to you James and keep us posted.
Don't expect meds to be the answer,they never can be. See a therapist
Thanks everyone some really great advice here, glad to know i'm not alone. Will keep posted how i get on.
I am in therapy. It's ruining my life after 2 years. I am non functional
I've unfortunately tried myself between cutting my wrists and pills. Here recently I attempted to get drunk with JD and sat at a park bench with my s&w 40. Was about to end my life with gun In mouth a jogger happened to passed by and stopped at 5am in the morning? Who the hell jogs that early? It's tough to bounce back, prescription sometimes makes it worse. Sit back and reevaluate yourself and your surroundings, if there is negative in your life get rid of it. It will only drag you down more. Focus on what makes you happy and main thing is to keep yourself busy at all times sitting around and moping will only make things worse gives you way too much time to "think" get you a Hobbie and surrounding do yourself with nothing but positive things