Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

Mental health
1

Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length. 

About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat).  Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common.  I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞

2

Hi Chantal, I can say quite categorically that anxiety and depression can make you question your relationship with people, I've seen it a few times on this forum and experienced it myself, they are intrusive thoughts which you ruminate over and it becomes quite distressing.

As your depression and anxiety lifts things, thoughts and feelings will start to go back to normal, you won't be like this forever.

I know my reply is short and sweet but you can stop worrying things will be okay.

Neil 

3

Aw Chantal, you poor girl this sounds very much like anxiety and depression what you need to find out is whether you can do anything about this so you can live your life without feeling so sad.  Go out, walk, talk to people and ask for counselling if you feel you can tolerate this, please take care, of yourself.

4

Hi Chantal

Anxiety can cause us to doubt everything I'm sure you do love him. I doubt everything with Anxiety. It sounds like you're depressed also. A therapist can help you. Don't think you don't love him its the depression and anxiety. A therapist will properly diagnose you and give you treatment. Good Luck👍

What I got from what you mention is that you feel better when distracted by doing things like hobbies ect. You were panicking the first two weeks with what you're describing. You're stressed out. Manage stress with meditation and yoga. 💖

5

I feel your pain.

Am in the same situation.

I love him, we get on so well but I have no interest sexually anymore, Ive lost interest in sex and this has been ongoing for about a year now.

Dont know how or where to go, am currently under going councelling but we havent got on to this issue yet as I am dealing with so many other issues.

I suffer from GAD and Depression and have done over 10 years.

Every day nearly I am contemplating whether my relationship has a future, will I ever feel the same way again.

I have also gained about 4 stone in weight with is making me very self consious about myself, how can I really love anyone else when I dont love myself

6

For me it made me think that people didn't love me and that I didn't love them too. But since it was constantly on my mind, it surely reminded me that if I worried, it was because I loved them. It'll get easier! calm down and take your time.

7

Hi Chantal

I’m sorry to hear you are suffering, although I’m relieved to see you’re post as I’m struggling with the that exact same thing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one experiencing these weird thoughts. 

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly two years and very quickly in that time we have had a beautiful baby girl and we have just bought a house we are moving into in the new year.

My anxiety and depression has flared up again and I’ve been so anxious around my boyfriend and I’m getting the same thoughts, ‘do I still love him’. I only feel like this one I’m anxious though so I’m pretty sure it is the anxiety. But everything you have described am I feeling and it’s very scary and upsetting as I want my feelings to go back to the way they were before.

I was just wandering how you have been getting on and whether you have found anything to help yet?

Thanks

Jen

8

Hey everyone,

First I’d like to say that I have been through all of this before. I don’t have a history with anxiety or depression and neither does my family but I was unlucky enough to try an awful birth control which made my hormones spiral. In my first relationship of 6 years, about 2 years in I started to doubt us and have the “what if I don’t love him thoughts” well, let me tell you, they were awful and I suffered for a few months with these. (I was not taking any medication at the time, I wanted my body to heal naturally.) But, things did get so much better and all of the love returned. We went on to date for 4 more years but the relationship ended due to things not even related to this. 

On that note, once again I was put on a different birth control pill and boom, all of the negative symptoms returned. I am with a new partner, he’s truly the man I want to marry. I am so in love with him but I am so anxious and depressed all the time that I can’t tap into that love. Not to mention being around him makes me super anxious because as soon as I see him I constantly wonder if we should be together. I truly believe that this is all due to anxiety and depression. With time the love will return and things will go back to normal. It just sucks that it’s a constant silent battle within yourself. It’s nice being able to share our thoughts and feelings with people who truly understand how awful it is. 

Just remember, you loved your partner before your anxiety. It’s still there, you can feel the love for them again. 

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Hi Chantal,

I’m writing to ask if you’ve found any relief, as I am going through exactly the same thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He’s been absolutely wonderful as well. Loyal, kind, loving, nurturing, fun, funny, etc. I know I want to marry this man. Although I’m only 22, I messed around enough and dated enough trash to know that someone like my boyfriend doesn’t come around often. I’ve found a true gem. He’s become a part of my future. However, I was unfaithful to him in the beginning of our relationship. I didn’t confess until last year in October. He was distraught, which also affected me because I was, and still am, tremendously ashamed of what I did. How could I hurt him like that?? I sobbed for a week and I slowly began to feel happy again—or so it seemed. About a week later after finally feeling okay again I began to have awful intrusive thoughts. “You don’t really love him.” Since that day the thoughts have spiraled so much that I am now convinced I don’t truly love my boyfriend & I will get tired of him. But I’m still here (I live with him) because I know deep down I must love him, before all this nonsense started. My therapist told me I’m going through a wave of depression, though I also have terrible anxiety—my intrusive unwanted thoughts. I’m growing increasingly hopeless because I’ve no sex drive & keep thinking it must be because  I don’t love my bf. It’s tryly exhausting. I hope you are feeling better. If not, I truly hope you can find the help you need because it sounds a lot like what I am currently going through. Xoxo 

10

Hi Chantal and others. 

I too am going through this exact same thing. Now for the 5th time. It’s a nightmare. I’m 5 months into my misery and it’s horrible. THis is a relationship of 2 years the nicest man I have ever met and would do anything for me. What does this happen???

I’m currently 35 and this curse has destroyed so many perfect relationships with amazing people over the past 20 years. I have no family or children to this curse. 

The third time this happened was when I was 22 (an amazing guy). I didn’t know I had depression.  After that episode what followed was horrible. More depression more anxiety illegal drugs and parties and alcohol and I nearly OD and died. After this episode I wanted help. That was my line in the sand. I needed help. I was envious of people’s happy successful lives I wanted to be like them. I got help and things went really well (that guy moved on had has his own family now and he’s with the girl he met after me) but I was in the best shape I had ever been and had mental clarity like crystal. I knew if I was mentally well that none of that would’ve happened.  It is depression and anxiety. 

Moving to the current times

In 2017 I endured the worst most stressful year of my life. Towards September my current partner and I had a huge fight and this happened again. 

We’re both trying to fight this together and it’s really tough. I’ve never taken meds before but I now have to because I’m quite messed up. My usual method is break up and run now I’m facing it and trying to make things work. I don’t know what’s worse. 

I’ve never taken meds before fyi. 

Im afraid to offer any advice but  from some experience if you could take a break for a few months with minimal to no contact and you try get help (spend with family and friends) At least this way you take the relationship pressure off you but please go and get some help whether natural or meds and hope that the time in between will make your heart grow for the partner.  During this difficult time now my partner has said he is my friend and the relationship is parked on the side. The priority here is that I get well first and then what follows after that together or not. Who knows. 

I really want to know how everyone is tracking here so if anyone visits again please write i would love to hear your progress or any advice. 

Another thing I can add here is once you get well and reach optimal healt do your best to maintain it with everything you’ve got regardless of cost. Take it from me, 35 and no family or kids. Each time I see rings on womens fingers or pregnant ladies or my friends on Facebook I get upset and wonder why I can’t have this. It’s horrible. 

Sending all my love to you all out there. May the sun shine on us again 

11

Reading how many people on this thread alone are going through the same thing is both relieving (that I wasn't the only one) and upsetting (for the same reason). What i can say through being there done that, you all sound like you truly are in love and have pretty understanding partners. If you were caring less about them you wouldn't be on here asking for advice. So my advice is try to explain as best you can to them if need be so they understand the mood swings (if there are any), or just ride the tide. If you are meant to be together the rough patch will pass. It won't feel like it at the time but I promise you it will get better.

12

Hi Chantal 76583 and everyone else! 

Glad I found this article a few weeks ago, because I was really starting to get scared as to what the hell I'm feeling as I've never felt something like this ever.. but what Chantal said is almost dead on to what I'm feeling..

Just like Chantal and many of you, I've been in the happiest relationship of my life since April 2014. Even how we met was just a miracle. Everything immediately clicked, no games, no lies, no nothing, just very strong connections on so many levels. Even meeting my friends, people knew him or his sister or brother. It was crazy! Anyway, a week later, we were dating. It's been an incredibly happy journey together, of everything we love to do, either as a couple, or with friends, with our families. My love for him was ever growing each year passing by.. until one night.

It was maybe a couple weeks before Christmas, I was already excited to spend another one with him and his family, and mine as well. Until we got into a little bit of an argument, which is really rare for us.. and it really hurt my feelings. I was crying and shaking for a couple days.. he apologized many times and is supportive through this.. Even thinking to myself, there is no way that I don't love him anymore, we've grown so much together, have all these wonderful memories of travels, events and friend outings.. Even after all this time has passed.. I'm still feeling like my emotions have disappeared completely. So I started thinking "do I still love him?" . I have no idea why I am feeling this way, as he has been nothing but everything that I ever wanted.. I'm not happy, I feel like crying a lot, my mind races.. sometimes my mood seems to be improving, but then goes back down in a matter of a day or so. I remember having this too last summer of 2017. Something triggered it, like this one, but it didn't last as long and I had my feelings back.

So what is this? Depression? Anxiety? I've never had depression as far as I know.. never took any medication. My bf thinks it's also existential dread, as I hate my job, I'm not where I'm supposed to be and feel quite miserable in that field. He says he can also look into a therapist for me if I want.. but I'm afraid. And I doubt breaking up would really solve much of anything, it would pretty much destroy me. So why isn't this passing? I want my feelings back I used to be so happy..

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Hi Genny

I’m sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It’s horrible. How are you going? How long has it been going on for now?

I’m now starting month 5 and it’s been a night mare. I hope this is just depression and once it lifts it all comes back but living through it is just so diffult and confusing. 

I have to say my whole world has become an ugly place and I no longer enjoy any of the things I used to do. Before all this happened I had so much energy and zest for life and I loved working on my online stores and designing and sewing and seeing my friends going out for dinners and drinks. Now nothing. It’s all gone.  I’m so confused. In saying what I just wrote they are clear signs of depression, no?

When I fell in love with my current partner it was the best and I could not ask for a better person. We’ve had so much fun and done so many things with each other. We had a fight too back at the end of September 2017 and sinc then something inside me fell into ruins and I can’t fix it inside me. I used to look in his eyes and see us together and could not imagine life with out him and see children. Now nothing and the anxiety is the worst telling me that me that I need to leave him and runaway. I want my old life back it was so perfect I’ve been living hell for 5 months and I don’t know what to do. I can’t see the forest from the trees. 

14

Hi Samantha. 

You write that you’ve been there and done that, are you still together with your partner ? Did all things improve and love came back? How long did he darkness last for you before you realised you were still in love with him and did you get any help along the way?

Thanks for writing your post 

15

Yes it can make you think the worst sometimes its not you that thinks this perhaps you just find it hard than you think its seriouse illness that's the effects along with other systems its normal

16

Hey Billee,

Yeah it's pretty horrible.. I wish it would just go away already. I feel like I'm passed one part though. I don't feel like crying as much anymore. But I feel very blah, feelings are numb, feeling blue.. It's been over a month and a couple weeks now I think, something like that..

I know how you feel.. it's very difficult for me as well, since my mind is confused and just not feeling like myself at all.

I still go out with friends and all that.. sometimes I don't feel like it, but it helps to distract my mind and try to enjoy myself. Yeah I think it's a sign of depression, it sounds like it to me..

I feel the same way about the partner thing. Everything was perfect and really couldn't ask for anything more. I knew at this rate I would be happy for a very very long time. I've been very upset that I can't feel anything anymore, makes me worry and give me even more anxiety. It's the same thing for me.. seems like something broke inside and cannot be fixed. And I wish it could be fixed. Just have no idea how to be honest. I want my old life back too we have so much coming up for us too. A small trip, concert tickets etc. I should be happy.. but my happiness is clearly broken. I hope things get better for both of us..

17

hi there everyone 

i have been reading all of your stories and it sounds just like what me and my wife are experiencing, we ve been together 8 n half yrs and married 18 months, my wife has always had some depression but its got worse the last 6 months since our son was born, she says she feels trapped, doesnt love me like she used too, she says id b better off without her, she hates herslf, has panic attacks, wants to go to sleep and not wake up , she crys alot for no reason and says all she wanted was a family with me but she got it she still not happy. she says she s no go at anythin she has lots of self doubt, she doesnt like talking about it or admitting she has some sort of depression coz it makes her cry even more, i want her to see someone for some professional help but she doesnt want to see anyone. 

   i dont know wot to do, it gets me down too but i want to help her and make her feel better and save our relationship      

18

Hi Joe

I’m sorry to hear what is happening to you. Did this happen after your son was born or before? I think it sounds like post natal depression. 

I can only share my experience with you but I have not had any children. 

I’m currently month 5 into my depression and I started off with naturopathic medicine. 4 months into it it got so bad with paralysing anxiety that I reached out to my GP for help and he sent me to a psychiatrist. 

I’ve previously never taken antidepressants but I tried something he gave me and it made me horribly sick. 

When I visited the psychiatrist she gave me some meds and told me that I will start seeing a change in 2 weeks (today is day 18) and yes I have noticed improvements.  She said not many people experience side effects from these pills they are not your normal antidepressants and you take these at night time before you go to bed. Today is the best day I’ve had in the past 5 months and the crazy anxiety has gone telling me that I need to leave my partner. I still think I have a long way to go but I’m making some sort of progress. I’m not saying this medication will fix Everything as we all respond differently it’s called Valdoxan and from what I understand it works on dopamine and it’s supposed to restore the bodies circadian rhythms. 

I’m also taking vitamins and supplements also to boost my nutrients and a naturopathic anxiety tablet called Adaptan. 

During this period my parter is being a friend to me and we’re not pushing anything romantic. He’s helping me with meals and cleaning and whatever else needs to be done and we both hope at the other side of the depression that everything goes back to normal and being happy and in love. 

I think the sooner you get help the better before the horrible anxiety really takes root as mine did. I was also given some oxasazepam to help when the anxiety became too unbearable and that really worked to calm the body down. 

I hope you are ok. 

19

thanx for your reply billee, glad things seem to be getting better for you and long may it continue. 

   she has always had some depression, self doubt crying for no reason and unhappy etc, but the feelings about me and not loving me like she used to has come on since our son was born also i think the depression and anxiety has got a bit worse since he was born, i have got in touch with a Counsellor and Psychotherapist (hope this is the right person to see) but we havent seen them yet, my wife doesnt want to go or talk about it but i think i can get her to come with me to try n get some help.

20

Hi Joe

Good on you for making that first step. 

I too have been a long time depression sufferer also but as I was growing up I didn’t know that I had it. I thought I just had a crappy life. I first got help when I was about 25 and I done natural medicine. I was clear of depression for 10 years until end of September 2017. 

I’m thankful I got on these valdoxan tablets when I did. I’m actully feeling quite good today. I spoke to py psychiatrist today and she said to me that I can get off these anytime and there should be no side effects. I will stay on for another month or so until I feel 200% then discuss with her about getting off them and then go back to natural medicine. I was against them at first but I’m glad I took them. All of the crazy anxiety and panic attacks are gone along with the crazy thoughts of wanting to leave my partner. 

I guess I’m here to say that there is help and this is working for me. I have moments that pop in my head where I’m starting to feel happy about being with my partner and I have suggested that we do a road trip this weekend. I’m even starting to reach out to my friends again and wanting to be social and recconect. Infact I’m about to go visit one shortly for a walk and catch up in the next hour. 

I hope you’re both doing well and I hope you’re gal decides to do something it will be a shame for it to all fall apart over depression. 

Sending you lots of positive energy.  Be strong and try be more of a best friend to her now than a lover. 

Hope to hear from you