I'm 18 and starting college soon. So what I sometimes come to realize is that maybe I've been depressed for years but it became more severe? My depression began a month and half ago. First I randomly experienced heart run with acid reflux. Idk what caused this but probably my bad eating habits and chugging water too fast or something I don't know. That caused me to have extreme chest pain and heart palpitations which triggered me to experience panic attacks. I let a few panic attacks slide once i realized what was happening but I kept having them everyday when I had chest pain, thinking I would have a heart attack each time. I think that triggered my flight/fight response to go crazy. I started becoming scared to have panic attacks in general and now I get anxiety over anything that feels or seems odd. I went to the ER one night and they diagnosed me with GERD, anxiety, and depression. (I didn't know I had depression yet). Then a couple days after I found a website to help with anxiety then depression came. I remember the night it came. I was at my cousins birthday party. The thing about me is ive always been isolated and socially awkward. I've never had many friends and I have no one to call a friend. My routine consisted of staying at home every day and going to school then taking a nap right after school or staying asleep till the next day. So when I was over there I witnessed her surrounded by friends and they leaving me behind and not asking me how I was doing. I know I shouldn't wait till people come to me but I've tried and I can't befriend anyone for some reason. So that night she was dropping me off and as I was in the car feeling like s**t and anxious my thoughts went to the darkest and most empty feeling ever. My brain kept repeating "you're never gonna have any friends and you're never going to liked, anxiety will be with you forever no mater what. You're a loser and life isn't worth it if you're a loser" so then I felt the weirder sensation ever. I tried to think about something else but it consumed me. I started to see the world differently at that moment and I couldn't snap out of it like the times I used to. That same night I had an anxiety attack and I wanted to end my life. I experienced complete mental isolation as if no one would understand and the thought of being alone with my thoughts terrified me. I wanted to go to the ER but my uncle talked me to calm down and asked me how I felt. He told me I was experiencing anxiety with depression. So it's been two months and I've been in this episode. I can have good moments by everytime I do I think "what's he point of happiness when it's just gonna go away?". I've had an existential crisis and thoguhts of hopelessness. I've been experiencing derealization since that night and it terrified me because I don't feel life or reality. I feel like I'll never feel true reality again. I don't have any money or insistence or a job. I'm applying everywhere btw. I'm just wondering if positive affirmations can ACTUALLY help? What is truly going on in my head? Is this real or can this illness be cured? Can I feel myself again one day? Will I feel stronger afterwards or less stronger? Right now I read an article explaining how positive thoguhts can't really cure it but It can help cope so I don't know? I feel stuck and hopeless. I don't want to continue this pain but I want to live? Please help!! I feel like I might commit suicide one day with no control of stopping myself!?
Realistically, no you can self cure with "positive thoughts", anxiety and depression don't exist because people have negative thoughts, that's not how it works. Things can change, but not by doing nothing. See a Dr, get a therapist, take pills if you want - but not if you don't. Put the work in and things can change, you need to ask for the help first though.
Depression is an illness that really needs proper medical help. It is so hard to do it on your own. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts then you need to seek help and do it soon.
Some people have one episode and never have another while some have relapses and learn coping strategies to get over it. But either way, please go and see a doctor.