Can't cope

Mental health
1

This is my first post on a website asking for help. ive had major anxiety issues since I was 18 and I am now 23. My anxiety gave me stomach ulcers which left me unable to eat and I was throwing up daily. I have overcome the ulcers now but i still have terrible anxiety and panic attack. My anxiety got the best of me during my graduation form university and i passed outfor the first time ever which has left me in an embarresed mess. My anxiety effects my breathing daily which I cant deal with anymore. Ive tried councilling and it worked for a small time but ive regressed. the main thing i want advice on is that I havent sex in two years due to my anxiety, i worry about my anxiety making me 'go quickly' so to speak as my anxiety has made this happen to me before, I overthink everything till the point im exhausted but i would love someone to talk to me about this subject, a womans oppinion would be greatly appreciated. thankyou 

 

2

Hi Dayne.

Speaking for myself here but sex isn't as important to me as a female as it is to males. We don't put the same significance in it as you guys do. I myself prefer all the bits that come before the actual sex part. I love cuddles and being close and feeling loved.

Why am I telling you this? We'll firstly because it's true but secondly many years ago I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who also suffered anxiety and was worried that he wasn't "up to scratch" in that department. 

When he was younger,he dumped a girl and as revenge she so very nicely spray painted all over the town he lived in,how small his penis was and how quickly he climaxed,leaving her unsatisfied. None of this was true but it stayed with him for many years. It played on his mind so much that he actually did start to suffer premature ejaculaion.

It took the love of a good women(that would be me),to build his confidence, reassuring him that it didn't matter and that my love for him went behind sex. I meant it too. 

After a while,,,as he began to relax more,everything went back to normal.

We are not together anymore but I helped him understand the importance of himself. How ok,he had a few little issues but that was just a tiny part of the bigger picture. His confidence grew and his anxiety lessened and he was a very happy man xxx

3

Hi Dayne as a bloke I can understand your anxiety and symptoms. Have you spoken to your GP about antidepressants such as Venlefaxine which will first if all help with your anxiety and secondly it can also have the side effect of delaying orgasm. Gillian is also right. N

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Oh that's a god bit of info about Venlefaxine. I never knew that xx

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thankyou for this gillian, lots of people have told me not to worry about if i go quickly but I'm just a person who cannot stop overthinking, the reason for chat is because there is a girl at the moment who wants to be with me and i do want to be with her, im just scared to death about not lasting long. should i let the girl know that i suffer with this? your an amazing person for doing that for him by the way. thanks x

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no I havent spoken to my gp about this but thankyou for letting me know. thanks

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This girl wants to be with you....so she chose you so she will understand.

Just sit her down,explain your fears and I bet you she will reassure you that it doesn't matter. And then just take it slow. Take time with all the fun bits that come before,be attentive to her and the rest won't matter.

You are worrying about what could happen and chances are they won't happen,you might surprise yourself. And if it does happen....so what...sometimes it does anyway...all us women know that Whatever happens,it will get better in time. Just lose yourself in the moment and let whatever happens,happen xx

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Thankyou again gillian i havent been able to tell anyone these things and ive gotta say i do feel a little better after this why is there a stereotype against men that cum quickly? from a good relationship i made a girl cum in seconds just because she was new to sex and she wasnt embarassed by this...

 

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I think it happens to all men at some point and women kind of expect it at first because somebody is so into you and aroused that they just couldn't help themselves.

As you get deeper into the relationship and you are sexually active more regular,it will start to last longer.

Your absolutely correct..women don't see this as a problem when they themselves climax quickly and men see it as a honour that they where able to get her to that point so quickly. I think you will find the majority of women are the same..just pleased that they pleased there man xx

Im glad you feel a little better. Don't worry. Your a young man. Just enjoy yourself xxx

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thanks again gillian i really want to just say it to her and explain but i cant think of the wording or how to, could you perhaps help me with this? you would be my favourite person in the world if you could? the girl im talking to has had a sexual partner recently so im nervous about that too now lol 

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Hello there, i'm new to this site i registered today but i saw your topic and i myself have some anxiety issues i thought i would try and help.

i'm a 20 year old guy who never had any issues whatsoever, in the past i would not care about anything and do crazy stuff as a rebelious act just like every youngster would do, in the past 2-3 weeks i developed anxiety due to a scary drug related issue, i had and still have anxiety that made me feel pain in my body parts that were not explained, headaches, pain in the abdomen, numbness in the leg, all sort of problems. i was so mad and angry at the fact that i'm so unlucky and this anxiety or panic attack that had suddenly hit me had never did before, until today i was convinced that my old life was better and that i was smart before than i was now, and tha i, godforbidd, have developed some kind of an illness that will never be cured. i always thought that anxiety would affect the way i study and that i have exams in a week from now so you might feel the stress i'm in, after a relief from some of the fellows around here especially gillian20097 and my good friends and family, i tried to relax and let go of the stress and anxiety, and i had to go to college earlier and thought it would affect the way i would concentrate in the lecture so you can understand the pressure here, when i arrived at college i let go of the fear and actually concentrated more on my study, so if anything this stress has affected it me it was in a good way, and the reason it was because i learned inside the class to use the pressure to my side and fight, beleive me i have a lot of pressure going on but the hell with out, let go of your fear, let go of the worries and learn to accept yourself before expecting others to accept you, not having a boyfriend/girlfriend or not having sex is not that of an issue, actually if you thought about it relationships brings nothing but worries and hatred, unless it's marriage we're talking about, anyways that's not the point, cope with your self and accept yourself becasue no one is there to judge you, change is rare but when it happens it can be difficult, nontheless don't be afraid of changing, it's always for the best, i myself have trouble breathing sometime and have sensitivity to light and can't concentrate sometimes which made me worry of getting bad grades, but that feeling fades after you cope with it and try to accept it, don't worry too much and learn to relax, and trust me on this, no one can ever help you but yourself, not your friends or relatives, although family can be a great way to go back to, we all have time that makes us independent and confident, have faith and god bless.

BTW i'm sorry for this long paragraph haha, it's just that i had these same symptoms and got so into it, i wish you all the best ion the future and hope you find your path to happiness as i'm sure you will. 

-Sam

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Why not just say that you haven't had a relationship for a while due to anxiety issues and that you hope she will be understanding if your not up too much for while but your a bit out of practice....If you say it in a jokey way,it will also break the ice.

You don't need to go into to much detail...that will come as the relationship progresses and you gain her trust.

I do however think that you will be ok after the first few times and not even have to explain anything xx

How you feeling now? A little better?

Funnily enough..your not gonna believe this but me and my son had this same chat this afternoon.

He's nearly 18 but thinking about sleeping with his girlfriend for the first time..she's been sexually active before. My son hasn't. 

He said " any advice mum"? I said " yes,protect your pecker and enjoy yourself"! Lol x

13

That's great advice Sam.

I'm so glad college went ok.

You will be ok in no time..xxx

14

We'll done young man! In the past I would have signed myself off work straight away but just did 3 weeks working and learnt that my situational anxiety can be overcome. 

I do have GAD which is normally well controlled but occasionally tips over and triggers off and sometimes leads to depression, I'm dealing with that at the moment. As a musician who also teaches in schools I have a duty of care to my students and when I found myself shouting and getting angry I thought I'd better take a break as to snap at a student and god forbid worse would blow my career, plus I was very tired as dealing with gad is very draining, driving a lot too and from schools i found myself neatly missing two roundabouts due to head fuzzzzzzzz so decided I needed to take a break. Luckily my employers are fab.

glad you got through it and good luck with studies. 

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Paxil (ssri paroxetene) has been prescribed for premature ejaculation, you can google details.  Zoloft has a lesser effect, and I think other antidepressants delay orgasm.   Paxil is less prescribed because of withdrawal side effects, "brain zaps," etc. stopping needs to be spread out over  months; other ssri's also need careful stopping.    

Counseling (CBT?) and meds do help.  The only reason I wouldn't recommend meds is withrdrawal probs, maybe everyone doesn't have those.  Docs are more concerned with symptoms,  if those are reduced, they seem to be in denial about any probs. 

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Thank you for that, i really appreciate it and i wish all the best for you and everyone, good luck to you as well, cheers.