I've had anxiety twice before and got over it before and I'm generally a worrier, but this time I really fear I won't get over it. It was triggered off the other week when I had this girl over whose always been a friend, we started making out and done foreplay. We didn't have sex and she went home. I knew she was going abroad for 7 months next week and this made me worry excessively about how we are not going to have the chance to have sex because I always thought I'd take her virginity and we came so close to doing it. So all i've been thinking about is how I should of tried to sleep with her, and even though we're not in love and she is a virgin, and also that at the time I wasn't massively into the moment because I don't fancy her and she doesn't fancy me . Everytime I think about how I didn't try I feel so ill and I can't SLEEP at all. I've tried to tell myself 'let it go' , 'dont regret it' but I literally can't STOP the perpetual regret and anxiety. No matter what I tell myself it doesn't help. Can anyone make me feel better about this please? I keep having visions of the other night and thinking why DIDN'T I JUST TRY because then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. So i've been trying to say these factors should make me not feel too bad about the situation but I still do!
would appreciate helpful comments so much
Emis Moderator comment: I have edited this post to remove overly sexual references as several users have reported it as offensive. Please remember this is an open forum and comments can be read by anyone. The T&Cs state "... sexually oriented, racially offensive or otherwise objectionable material is not acceptable."
Hi Tom,
It's awful when your mind keeps giong over and over an event and you can't stop thinking "what if....". But it can drive you mad, thinking you will never get such an opportunity again....
What stood out in your post was that it "didn't feel right" at the time. If something doesn't feel right, there's usually an instinctive reason behind it. You say, yourself, that you don't love each other, but that you ARE friends. Instead of thinking how good it might have been, try turning it around....what if you HAD gone for it...and were now both bitterly regretting it?
What's done can never be undone. If you value each other's friendship, think how much you would both be hurting if things had gone badly wrong and you could never go back to being just friends...
For sure, it sounds as if she definitely wasn't ready. In which case you could have hurt her physically. It sounds like you're a decent bloke - you DIDN'T try and force yourself on her - so how awful would you have felt if you had caused her pain? Apart from possibly losing her as a friend, such physical pain can have an effect on a girl's future love life. Believe me, if it hurts you're less likely to want to repeat the experience with anyone.
You regret something you DIDN'T try - but in not doing so you are still friends, right? Try not to be so hard on yourself and dwell on what you think you should have done. Keep telling yourself you haven't lost her as a friend, you haven't lost her respect. If you had gone further you may now be in even more of a state, wishing you HADN'T forced the issue.
If you loved each other it would have felt right and could have made you even closer. If she saves herself for a man she DOES love one day, she will be forever grateful that you didn't take her virginity, or that she didn't just give it away to someone she cares about just as a friend.
I know it's difficult when thoughts are tormenting you, but try and keep busy with other things. The feelings will lessen and you'll look back one day and be glad you took it no further.
Best wishes x
Yeah its strange, were not really really really close friends just known eachother for a while, but I just see her a friend because she's just too nice! Yeah we are still friends we haven't fallen out, I don't really know what the situation is now I guess we wouldn't take it no further. Yeah you're very right, I think she might have some feelings for me but I didn't really feel much I don't think. I'm just so anxious at the moment because the thoughts and feelings I'm feeling are horrible, like uncontrollable and I can't get the whole situation from my head and be at ease 
Thanks Madcow1964 (don't know real name) hope to hear back from you x
Hi Tom
Reading between the lines, I think you're feeling a mixture of emotions about the situation. Knowing she's disappearing for 7 months, you probably built up this whole scenario where you take her virginity before she goes and your mind has latched onto that and made it the most important thing to do.
It didn't happen, after all your hopes and anticipation, so you are left feeling deflated, flat, confused etc. There is a saying that "Anticipation is often better than realisation" and it's true. Your mind builds up a wonderful picture of how some forthcoming event will be - and when things don't turn out as you expected, or you don't feel as good as you expected to feel, it does leave you disappointed and thinking - well what was all that about??
It can take your mind a while to sort it all out and shrug it off. It helps to find something else for your mind to latch on to and look forward to. I don't have any suggestions, I'm afraid, but something usually comes along. For us women it can be as simple as retail therapy! I don't know what blokes do. Ancient though I am, I can still remember my teens and crazy mixed-up emotions! I've always been a worrier - hubby says I'm not happy unless I have something to worry about!
Somewhere in your mind you are probably also having feelings of guilt - for things having got so far with a friend, for thinking you've let her down because you DIDN'T go all the way...who knows? You can't really know that yourself. The mind is a complex thing, as you will see from all these anxiety forums. Relationships, especially with the opposite sex, are never straight forward - at any age!
As you are still friends, and if she hasn't yet left, maybe you could get together somewhere quiet (but not the bedroom or sofa!) and try and talk about what happened / nearly happened? Knowing how she feels about the situation could help put your mind at rest - she may be needing that too...
That might be the best way forward for both of you.....
Yes you're right. She left this morning. I can't get any sleep, I feel horrific. Saw her out last night and she seemed happy, I feel so sad that I've become this worried about the situation, if any of mine or her friends knew how bad I was worrying then they wouldn't understand. The thought of regret has become like a vision/ shape in my head that seems immovable and it scares me massively, I literally feel out of control. The fact she has actually gone now and I'm still worrying terribly makes me feel pathetic and sad. I have tried looking at the situation in so many ways but I'm in a constant battle with my mind and body. I just see my friends all laughing and joking and feeling normal, and feel so sad that I'm not like that anymore. My dad says you can't feel like this forever but It just seems impossible?
I tend to worry about worrying a lot too. I compare myself to friends and want to keep up with them .. they always ask about how many people you have slept with and that stuff so I feel pressure there too. Yeah the thing is the other night she did suggest having sex at one point but then said ' it probably wouldn't happen' and I think she was talking about because she was a virgin and possibly nervous. I tried texting her asking some questions saying that if she answered them that it would help me sleep and she found it funny. Anyway I really don't feel good at any point. Hope to hear back from you and anyone else!
I can't help but thinking about how confident and relieved I would of been if we did go ahead with it and how close we came to it.. Its the thought of what could of been my life after doing it and getting the closure and confidence of being with another girl.. in contrast with how I feel now thats killing me.
Hope to hear back from you x