Can't get controll over my life

Mental health
1

Hi,

I decided to post here, because i simply have no idea, on how to get rid of my anxiety.

I'm currently 21 years old and go to uni, studying to become a teacher. All my life i've been a rather quiet shy child, but the older i get it worsens. In the beginning i should probably add that i'm 5ft10, that's pretty tall for a girl, so that always adds to my insecurities.

Then i was about 13 i started to develop an eating disorder and it took me years to get over it. Unfortunally recovering from it made me gain a lot of weight, so that contributed to my low self esteem. Because of that i feel that i missed out on so much during my teen years... Until now i've never had a boyfriend and while i had at least a few friends in school, i totally failed in making any at uni. In the beginning i was totally motivated on getting to know new people, but than i failed and now i'm always alone...

My parents constantly nag me to meet up with friends, i know that they only want the best for me, but this is only making me feel more depressed, i simply don't have anybody.

I barely go to classes anymore, because i feel like everybody is staring at me, because i'm alone and sometimes i even let my jacket on, because it kind of shields me... I really don't know how to go on anymore, i want or need to change my life, but i simply don't know how. When i was in school i had so many dreams and now i don't do anything, feel miserably and ugly all the time and am just scared of life.

Maybe some of you feel the same or have overcome similar things, so thanks in advance for you help.

2

Hi Stephanie. I can relate to you (not in the height aspect, I am quite envious of your height but we always want what we don't have!)

When I was at uni I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb. I found it hard to make friends (I only keep in contact with one every so often.) in fact, I have never found it easy to make friends and so now as an adult, my circle of friends is very, very small.

Im an introvert and you sound like one too. It took me a while to understand this, especially when people kept telling me that I SHOULD get out more, I SHOULD meet people. The truth was, social situations could make me very very nervous. I had the same at uni, too. Lost in a sea of people, each seeming more confident than the next and on top of this, you have a lot of hard work.

What got me through this was the reason why I was there. My soul purpose for studying...and it worked out very, very well for me. In fact, my career is one of the few things I have that actually keeps me going, because I enjoy it so much.

It is worth it... I can promise you that.

You haven't failed at anything. Failing means that there are points each person has to hit in order to achieve and life just is not like that. People make friends differently...they meet their partners at various ages. Just because you feel you haven't experienced these things yet does not mean you have failed, it just means it will come at a different time - and it will be all the better for it.

If your uni course is not for you, there are others you could take..you have endless options in front of you and you just need help exploring them.

I am all for talking therapy and I think you sound like you could really benefit from counselling. If you find the right person they will my only help you deal with your anxiety, but you can also explore some routes with them in terms of your education and future work.

Nothing is failed... You are just finding your feet. That is Ok! smile

3

I forgot to add something: i mentioned before that i study at university, but i'm really not happy with my career choice... on top of that to somehow regain controll i somehow developed an obsession with organizing everything, as to say, now everything is tidy and okay, so my life will also be okay, but obviously it doesn't work.

4

Thank you very much your fast and kind reply! I really do feel exactly how you descriped, i just couldn't express myself that well.

The fact that i'm an introvert is long known to me, but i simply don't want to be one. I'm feeling so envious about all the other people around me, my old friends don't understand my problems at all... What you said about purely concentrating on my studies is not that easy, because i honestly don't even want to be a teacher. I just feel like i keep wasting time

5

I don't want to diagnose because obviously I can't...but it sounds like you might be developing OCD. I felt as you do...organising made me feel de-cluttered inside. I do think you would benefit from talking therapy.

If you are unhappy with your uni course, you can change this...you do not have to stay doing a subject that does not interest you. It will make you feel worse, trapped and anxious. It could be for these reasons that you feel so bad at the moment. You feel you SHOULD enjoy your course...and so everything else piles on top: I SHOULD be confident, SHOULD be doing XYZ...and I am not so o must be failing.

No no, you are just finding your path.

There are other courses...

Some people do not even want to be at uni. If this is the case, there are jobs out there that you will enjoy instead.

This is why I said you have so many routes to take.

You are not failing. You are just stuck but this is not forever. Find your way and it will pass...listen to what you are telling yourself.

Discuss it with a good therapist. They can help guide you. Lots of people seek help when they feel stuck.

You have options, even if you feel you don't. smile

6

Also, one think I forgot to add:

"I know I am an introvert, but I just don't want to be."

We can't fight who we are... It is quite literally like fighting against the tide: exhausting, impossible and it leaves you ship wrecked... We are what we are. When you start embrace who you are, you flourish. Being an introvert doesn't mean you hide away...it means you blossom where you feel comfortable and right.

7

I am 5' 10" and 250 pounds I love being tall it is something to be proud of!!! When I am in the store I get to help people reach things from the top shelf. 😬 God made you the way you are for a reason everyone is different and maybe everyone is staring at you because you are so beautiful!! You cannot change how tall you are so walk tall and proud embrace it!!! I was so self conscious in high school I felt fat and like everyone looked at me guess what as I grew up I found out a lot of the guys liked me but were intimidated by me.. I finally decided to carry myself with pride and to love myself when I did that a year later I met my husband. Who all the girls wanted and I would of never thought such a hunk would want me well we have been together 19 years. The main thing that attracted him to me was my confidence and how secure I was in my own body!!! So look in the mirror and start loving yourself and everything else will fall into place!!!

8

Thanks again for our replies, it's nice to know you're not the only one, who felt like that.

I'll think about seeing a therapist. I'm reluctant to go, because as i still live with my parents, i would have to let them know. Maybe i'll manage on my own.

9

Thanks for your kind reply! I know that i should embrace my height, a lot of people tell me they're jealous, but it's easier said than done. It's not that i was ever bullied, but the first think a lot of people say upon meeting me: why are you so tall?! 😒 Whenever i go somewher with my friends all the boys are always only attracted to the small cute ones, so i often feel totally out of place. The majority of men is simply smaller than me and even if they are taller that unfortunally does not meen they also go for a taller girl...

10

Hi Stephanie, I am glad my advice helped you a little smile I am not sure about protocol in different countries, but if you are living in the UK you can arrange therapy via your GP and be out on a waiting list. You can provide them with the number to your smart phone and state you do not want to be called at home. Then once you find a therapist they will ask you immediately how you wish to be contacted. Lots of people see therapists and do no want those they live with to know, so they take all necessary steps to ensure they never do (in some cases, this knowledge could be potentially life threatening in situations of domestic abuse, etc.)

Whichever route you choose I wish you the best of luck!!! But don't be put off from therapy for those reasons.

Good luck smile

11

I felt the same way when I was your age! Your going to find a man who isnt intimidated by you and he is going to want a strong, tall, confident woman!!! Besides I wouldn't want to be with a man that is shorter than me. My husband is the same height as me so I don't wear heals! Lol on my wedding I went barefoot so I wouldn't be taller! Just remember you don't need a bunch of guys eventually there is only one that matters and he is out there and he will appear when the time is right! Just focus on loving yourself because it is hard to believe that someone else loves you when you don't love yourself!!!

12

I guess you're right... it's just not easy to change how i feel. Ialso wouldn't want somebody smaller than me, that would be like a daily reminder of my height...

13

It's not easy I work on positive thoughts everyday I struggle with anxiety.

14

I understan control your d you now have a boyfriend !.

This anxiety and low mood need ou to see your GP so you can get back to your studies. In fact your Uni should have a Social team that may be able to help your Fears

Five foot ten is not massive you sound very pretty so you should not feel ugly, everyone at School and Uni feel critical of there looks and size you have nothing to feel bad about it 

Talk to your UNI or family Dotor

15

Thank you, i will think about it.