I have been going through some health problems for 4 months now. And i have developed severe depression and anxiety (diagnosed last week by my gp) due to this, he gave me pills but i had to stop taking them as i ended up ill in hospital due to a reaction to either those or the anti biotics i was on so i was advised to stop till i can see him (in over 2 weeks!!). I want to end it all to stop this pain, i dont see the point in living and having a constant illness. This year has been the worst, i lost my grandma to cancer in January, i then lost my beautiful dog after 14 years to cancer in march and now im struck down with an illness and my mum has been diagnosed with Lupus. I have the best family and amazing fiancee but I am not happy with having to live. I dont understand why we are here, to have diseases or develop cancer or other terminal illness.
I cant stand feeling like this anymore, I know how i want to do it but i feel terrible guilt as well for my family. I cant seem to win! This probably all sounds jumbled and probably makes no sense. But i needed to write it 
If we knew what your chief underlying health problem was that is making you so miserable then one might be able to get some kind of handle on your situation. Thanks. It mat not be as bad as you think.
I dont know yet, still going through tests. Which is making it worse as im worrying as to what it could be.
First things first, are you now on any medication off depression or health anxiety?
if you feel suicidal you need to keep talking to someone. Using this forum is a start. Well done x
Thank you for taking time to respond.
I was given some but I had a reaction to them so I was told by the hospital to stop till I see my gp and I cant get in to see him till 22nd .
I make sure im not on my own as much as i can. And i told my best friend a few days ago.. she hasnt really responded or checked up on me though....
I just need all this pain to go away
I want the old me back, where I was planning a wedding and children. And I wanted to see friends.
You need to see a GP as soon as you can. I'm a little surprised the hospital sent you away without an alternative but I don't know procedures.
does you surgery not have emergency appointments? If you can't get an appointment you can also insist a GP calls you at least.
above all try and hold on to that tiny glimmer of hope. You will get through this and make all those plans you talk about. I did and you can too x
They have emergency appointments but only with a nurse. I can try and get a doctor call back.
I will try too. I am going on holiday on monday, just a little break with my parents (we booked it months before all this happened) Im hoping a break and change of surroundings will help me x