Hi my dad died suddenly on the 1st december 2014 of left ventrical failure. Since then i have been suffering with health anxiety im a mum of 4 beautiful girls and have an amazing partner of 9 years. I was having cbt but it wasnt helping , ive been on mirtazapine and venaflaxine , venaflaxine pushed me over the edge and i ended up phoneing a ambulance because i thought i was dying of serotonin syndrome to which social services got invloved. Everyday feels like todays my day im going to die. I feel constantly anxious , have had no appetite since december. Im dizzy , i have so much tension in my body it hurts to move. A simple thing like a headache i convince myself its a brain tumour or a brain haemorrage. My worry at the moment is i have a dvt in my right leg which is going to travel to my heart or lung and kill me . My right leg has always been more rounder than my left but ive had a burning sensation in my calf and pains in my thigh and buttock. I went to see my gp as i thought the calf was really swollen and he said i had a trapped nerve in my back causing the burning & pain sensation. He measured my legs and my calf was 1cm wider than the left. Weeks before i ended up in a&e due to thigh pain and burning and they did a d dimer blood test which came back fine. I just cant get the thought of dvt out of my head !! Im so scared im scared to move around incase i dislodge it and it moves. I have no symptoms apart from swelling and on and off pain . No redness or heat from the area and it doesnt hurt to walk . I notice it alot more when im sat down . Ive had pain in my shoulders and they clunk and grind so ive now resided to the fact i have PE.s!!! I am being weaned off diazepam 2mg as ive been on them since december the 8th . I take no other medication even though i should be taking 15mg mirtazapine but to scared as i have convinced myself i will get serotonin syndrome. Everyday is a battle from the moment i wake uo till i go to sleep and im at my witts end i cant cope like this anymore . I hate being on my own as im scared that if i collapse then i will die as no1 can ring an ambulance to help me. Also my heart will sometimes race then othertimes be so slow i convince myself its going to stop. Ive had heart scans and heart tracers while pregnant and all were clear . Im not eating like i said earlier and im now thinking i have some kind of cancer thats making me loose weight . I have muscle spasms in my arms , legs , face and chest . A constant feeling im not really here. Everyday is a struggle and i just dont know what to do anymore ! I want to be the person i was months ago but im getting worse anf worse . Ive even thought about getting sectioned im that desprate. Does anyone else feel like i do or am i all alone? What can i do to stoo these thoughts and my mind racing ? Please im so desprate now.
I also feel as if i cant breathe most of the time and my chest feels so tight which scares me also.
This all sounds like Anxiety. Probably brought on by stress overload from your fathers death. Try another therapist. Tell your doctor about the medicines, your fears of them, and see if they will prescribe something else. See if you have grief counseling available close to you also. You are not alone. Everyone on here has been, or is still, where you are. There are also helpful books. Anything you can find that will help you think in a positive manner, instead of negative. Hang in there!!
Oh, and a friend of mine had what you are describing in your leg. It was Sciatica.
Hello, you poor thing, a lot going on for you chick, honestly your symptoms are so familiar to me and all sound like anxiety! Sorry to hear about your dad, it's awful. Last year I had stress overload in every part of my life and ended up in a state with anxiety. I had panic attacks daily, lost a stone in weight and thought I was going to die every day, anxiety is a horrible illness and so debilitating! But it is an illness and does need treatment of some kind, I started with pains in my legs just like you and felt like sciatica, it started in left and then right, after several tests and seeing docs I was diagnosed with anxiety, I could not believe it when told my leg pain (which was agony) was not real! I was afraid of being alone and had different pains every day. I was diagnosed with high bloodpressure and I was convinced that I was having a stroke! I was prescribed citalopram and propananol 4 months ago, very hard at first as makes you worse before better but so worth it, I am like a new woman, I am so happy and feel healthy and positive. Go to your GP and discuss, you can feel better. Don't forget it's a chemical imbalance and can be cured! Good luck! Don't worry
Oh lovely I am sending hugs.....i completey understand you 110% as I've been there.
It does ease, I promise, but it's hard hard work.
Every ache, pain and twinge in your body causes concern, you believe that the doctors have missed diagnosed you as anxiety surely can't be this powerful and cause all these very real powerful painful symptoms, but it can and does.
I was were you are this time last year, I was convinced I was dying of a brain hemorrhage, and since then it's been a tumour, dvt and even ebola! But I'm still here alive and kicking!
What you've experienced is a horrible thing, when you lose a loved one it's going to stir up all sorts of emotions and feelings, don't be hard on yourself anxiety is a natural human emotion, it will get better.
You will learn to manage and control it as time passes, you will not die from anxiety.
You sound like a very strong person with a lovely support network around you, you will get through this I promise xxx
Hi Stacey. I have a feeling that all of this anxiety is in some way connected to the fact that it is only 2 months since you lost your father. Have you had time to grieve? Was he already unwell and have you watched him deteriorate, or was it sudden? I helped borh my parents through their illnesses, one had Parkinsons, the other Alzheimers...at the same time. Looking after them inbetween working and other commitments. I sat with both of them right until the end. It was exhausting mentally and physically. Now my lasting memories are taken up with those images, rather than the ones of the happy times we had prior to them having those illnesses. I can only say that 2 years on and i am now struggling with severe anxiety and panic attacks due to the fact I feel that is how I am going to end up. I have already had an MRI of the brain.
You have four children, who already fill your life and make it busy. You have lost your father and that's only very recently. I do think some of us are predisposed to having anxiety and i can see I am one of those people after looking back at how I worried about things that others take in their stride. Everything you are feeling is possibky due to the anxiety. It can make you feel rotten. A simple twinge, or ache, or pain can manifest itself into a whole host of 'life threatenig' illnesses. I am having CBT. Only second visit. I was given Sertralibe, but as yet havent taken it as worried about the side effects. Before my anxiety set in I wouldnt have thought in that way, but now everything is questioned. Sorry this is a long reply, but Just wanted you to know that it is 'normal' to feel like this with anxiety. And yes, ny thoughts swing from knowing that I am beig irrational to forgetting that and being irrational. I can totally understand that you want your 'old' self back. You will, but it might take a little while. Our minds are powerful, and we need to reverse the way we process our thoughts I believe that takes some working on. Can your GP recommend anything else, or try some other form of counselling? Some help with your children so you can improve and recover? If it is any consolation, you are certainly not alone. You only have to look at this forum to realise that anxiety/health anxiety is very much prevalent in our society. And you are not going mad for sure. I hope this reassures you a little.x
ps yes, the breathing bit is also horrrid. I have that regularly...also told, anxiety creates the 'wrong sort of breathing' who would have thought you could teach yourself the bad habit of breathing incorrectly? x
I'm the same Stacey this all started about 4 weeks ago for Me and been to hospital four times with my heart rate been really high all tests have come back normal but every days is a struggle and think I'm going to die and think bad thoughts in my head, every pain I get now I think it's something serious, im scared to be left on my own as I think same as you, it's took over my life I just want to feel normal again x
Thank u all for your replys really does help knowing im not alone even though it feels i am. I thought it might be sciatica but my right leg is swollen , but for as long as i can remember my right leg has always been slightly larger than my left. Still i cannot get the thought of dvt out of my head and i can feel my anxiety levels creeping up im now alone with my children as my partner is at work and im finding it hard to breathe , im dizzy and feel so uncomfy physically im on the verge of taking a diazepam but then once ive taken it i will start freaking out about how its slowed my breathing and heartrate down and it will all start again. Im so tempted to start the mirtazapine again as my anxiety levels were no where near this bad when i was taking it last time but from so much googling i know the symptoms of everything going so it will just panic me 100% more. I was very close to my dad and there was no sign he was ill before he collapsed at my local shops and died on the pavement outside my dr.s surgery . I dont think ive had much time to grieve and sometimes i still think hes alive which is stupid. I cried the first few days after he died and at his funeral but i havent since and i feel terrible for not being upset. I also try not to think about him as that sets me off into a panic and i dont stop crying. At the moment i feel as if i cant breathe and im going to faint!!! Chest is tight but i think thats because im not.breathing properly possible hyperventilation . I feel so terrible and even worse because im no kind of mother to my children how could i let myself get like this? I feel so selfish and just want to be me again x
Aw bless you Hun I try not to think about bad stuff either as it makes me panic and that's when my heart rate starts getting faster I keep thinking in my head though there's something wrong with my heart but my partner says it's there isn't and tests have come back normal, I'm in the same boat I have a 3 month old and I keep saying to myself why am I like this it's stupid but can't help myself feeling this way, I'm at the doctors Tuesday so hopefully they will help me out, do you get heart paplitations and high heart rate with your anxiety? X
No wonder you feel as you do. I feel anxious for you. I am sure that your are certainly not selfish, or in any way a bad mum. Don't be so hard on yourself. It is is difficult wondering wether it is better to 'let it all go' and have a cry about everything or try to keep everything together. We are all different, but I found trying to carry on and pretend nothing was happening led me to where I am now. Admitting I was struggling at the time would have probably saved me from a 'total meltdown' as they say 'hindsight is a wonderful thing'
Your breathing is possibly due to the hyperventilating/shallow breathing that happens when we are stressed about things. That is the part I find really distressing. I agree that going back to your GP and asking for some advice about your current medication and its suitability is a good idea. You need that help to enable you to start and feel like yourself again. It's early days with regards to your father try and allow yourself to think that its ok to feel as you do about it.
Worry is like going around in circles with one foot nailed to the floor.
Look after yourself too, as much as you obviously do your four children.x
Yes i do get palpatations they are terrible but they dont bother me as much as when my heart slows down!!! That really scares me its like im waiting for my heart to stop beating . My other symptoms are dizzy , foggy headed , breathless, pains in shoulders and chest , headache , blurry vision , arm pains , feeling as if im not really here and im watching everything happen (one of the worst symptoms ) , feeling faint as if im about to collapse . I have to admit i google constantly , any pain i feel i straight away google and then google chucks up the worse thing possible!! Thats where the dvt fears have come from . Ive tried so hard to think positive and ive had a few good days possibly a handfull . And i would go back to my dr. But im scared . They are all so fed up with me now everytime i ring or see them they have their heads in their hands and i just feel as if i shouldnt be there. Im so tempted to go to a& e about my leg pain but im trying to fight it. I just really think i have a dvt i know have shoulder and chest pain and im convinced its now traveled to my lung/heart . My partner will be home at 5:30 but thats still an hour and a half away i just dont think i can do this anymore xx
I feel as if you are describing me Stacey. My anxiety started 15 years ago when my mum died suddenly from deep vein thrombosis - she actually had stomach cancer too but we didn't know. Its normal, i think to worry about your own health when someone close dies. Its just when it takes over which it has done with you and did with me. It took a whilte but i did get better. Unfortunately, I am having a relapse due to stress etc. I was always checking my body and measuring etc. I have also been so anxious recently i wanted to be sectioned. I pyhsically couldn't eat from November till end of Jan - i lost 2 stone and also thought i had cancer. Social services became involved as i couldn't take my son to school one day as i was so ill. I think wanting to go into hospital is almost a cry for help and not wanting any responsibility or worrying about having responsibility when we feel so incapable. I kind of just wanted someone to take it all away and look after me. I have a young son. My only advice would be to try and remove any stress from your life (work, relationships etc) and just accept your limitations for the time being - look after children etc. Try and get a relaxtion app or something to physically relax your body. Don't be afraid of asking for help. Once you can look back and know you've had an ok week you will feel better, even if all youve done is get up get children to nursery/school etc. You need to be a bit selfish. Please know that other people including myself have felt the same and although i'm not there yet i am heading in the right direction - waiting for CBT. Please know you'll get there it will just take a bit of time. xx
Yes, you can do this!! I just remembered one of the things I used to do with my children. I have 6. I would turn on some happy music, and we would all dance through the house. If you are not able to dance, Load them in the car, crank up the radio, and sing at the top of your lungs. Yes, people look at me as if I am crazy. But it is fun!! And the kids love it. To this day, my grown kids tell me they miss that. Not too loud. Don't want busted ear drums lol. But it gets everyone in a better mood. And you don't even realize you are at least exorcising your lungs. You are in Control!!!
I have all them symptoms too Hun it's horrible I keep thinking something serious is wrong with me, I was fine a month ago now all this, I just want to feel normal again, I must do my partners heading way I am, I hate been left on my own, I have pain in my chest and in my back and I think the worst xx
Well today im as usual very anxious ive got a tension headache tight neck and shoulders to the point if i move my shoulders i get sharp stabbing pains which scare the hell out of me my leg is still swollen no redness , hotness or pain on walking. Its more like a burning sensation in my calves . I have noticed i hold the swollen leg almost tight so not sure if its swollen because i am tensing the leg constantly or what but i still have the dvt fears!!! I have been feeling like muscle spasms in the calves and thigh but my mind is telling me no its the blood flow in the leg because theres a clot. I got my partner to drive me to the hospital this morning to get it checked out and guess what? Not once did i have pain or burning sensations in that leg, yet now im home its starting up again. Im so tempted to just go to the hospital again but my partner will not be happy atall!!! Does anyone know anything about dvts?? That could give me some pointers as to wether i do have one or the likleyhood?? .im also scared to go to the hospital again as i have been quite a few times over this always had d dimer blood tests and they have come back clear and told me its sciatica oh its maralgia parethesia however u spell it. Ok if it is then why is my leg swollen? My minds racing with the thought that if it is dvt its certainly gonna travel to my lungs or heart and kill me. What do i do now? Any ideas? Im quickly loosing the plot and just want these crazy thoughts to stop. But i know the only way the can stop is if i stop them, but how can i when my minds constantly thinking the worse 24 hours a day ? Im getting to the point where im so done with feeling this way im tempted to section myself!! I do also find that music helps its funny you should say that lol sometimes if i feel i cannot breathe then i start singing let it go from frozen not only does that make me feel happy but also shows me i can obviously breathe otherwise i wouldnt be able to sing it lol. I also find that if im having a panicky moment and it gets too much i break down and cry.. But after im done crying i actually feel happier? How that works i dont know but it does . Xx How is everyone else feeling?? Xx