Please help . I dont know whether Im being selfiish or ridiculous ? Ive tried AA and they were not good . My addiction has become worse since Ive spoken about it. I'm feeling positive but need suporrt . Feel I need to raise awareness in my area and set uip a group ? What do you think ? I'm a trained counsellor anyway and thought I could offer an alternative . What do yoiu think ?
Bordeaux, definitely with cheese and biscuits. And maybe a cognac to wash it down with. Perhaps not then. On a serious level, I have certain views, but I'd like to hear what others have to say first.
Hi Rainbow,
I just don't know... some answer, that ! It is because "groups" scare me. Some people cannot face talking about their problems, in a group.
I wish you WELL, whatever you decide.
Alonangel 🎇
What are you using to control your drinking, Rainbow?
You might manage to start some type of online group, some might go for face-to-face meetings.
I actually think that's a good idea. Not sure where you live but you have to be certain you can carry it through. I wanted to start meeting to help me and others suffering. Well I did and it's now doing really well. I was 5 months sober. You need to be certain you can be there every week and not let anyone down! The meeting is doing great but I don't go anymore as I'm a failure but it's helping others. So it's not been wasted xx
Cutting your drinking by 2/3's is failure? Nyet, nyet, nyet!
Do what you are good at: counselling and try find like minded people and do it slowly; i.e. find out if and why they would like to be in a group with you helping. They should be like you with a problem and admitting and then wanting to do something. That is what I think you should do...Robin
I tried AA and was not imrpressed with them either. I then joined a support group locally but one lady who I used to pick up on the way there had a go at me about I would never give up and I did not wish to give up which really upset which was ages ago so I stopped going. I am ringing a counsellor on Tues post bank holiday about getting help which is local., though already been referred to IAPT via gp and she said this week should hear soon she thought but to chase them up. Hubby thinks I should try both but as not working at mo and it costs can't afford or he said go to the local one first then see how it goes.
I am drinking again now due to recent things around my job which have been awful and no longer doing care work for guy was but will look for another p/t which means I can see counsellor. I think it would be a good idea to set up a group. may think about it myself but there are already groups in my areas near me though not actually in my village but there is a group in next one but it is AA again I think. Cant win can you
It is difficult to get a good counsellor, having had a few, I would say most of them are chocolate teapots. If you get someone that is good, you really do notice the difference.
Most of the people here would probably beat their key workers any day of the week - that's not to say there aren't some good ones, unfortunately, the only good one I saw, I only got to see once and they switched me to someone who was not very helpful.
The AA works for some, but from what I can see, it is very judgemental, very strict and you're not allowed to use medication to help kick addiction to alcohol. I find that a bit restricting.
Kathy, you might want to have a look at this, could well help you out:
https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder
It's what I use and I've dropped from over 80 drinks a week down into the 'teens. Especially if you've had a number of runs at the abstinence route, it feels pretty good to be moved to tip part of a drink down the drain, put the cork back in the bottle and call it a night.
thank you will take a look now - trying to keep busy at the moment cleaing and going to garden if weather picks up! thanks so glad i found this group by chance.
RHGB - yes I found them judgemental and upset me because they are supposed to be there to support you and loads of people relapsed big time and then got ok, but when the lady criticised me for not wanting to get better that was it. I do want to get better and was clean for ages and then drank again recently. I would like to know where it all started but the main thing can think of was when I was bullied by an ex big timne and he denied it and he drank but said it was me drinking not him. loads of stuff from my past I think have made me the way I am e.g. I have lost 5 babies and last time it was twins and now I am being text by mother of guy cared for saying did not do a good job - yet sang my praises until I had bout of IBS recently which used to suffer with years ago. Being told sick notes not genuine - what??? gp wrote them. just feel a bit like everything is against me and I just want to be better and not lose my hubby as I am going to if cannot change he has told me this time. But alot of why drinking was not just from ex it was his daughter who used to bully me big time as well and even though thought we had turned a curve she has now been vile again, and about her dad too and then when she goes to see his mum she is as nice as pie to him??? She said her dad and me were dead to her but he does nothing to say stop this to her which does not help.
I am going to go and do some gardening instead of thinking about a drink! thank you so much xxxx
I wonder if groups are not very helpful for you because you're like me - always used to being the helper in a group not the helped - that's why I don't find groups helpful, much prefer one to one and even then I can easily turn into the helper if the real helper isn't skilled enough to prevent that.
Good luck Kathy.
It seems we are on the same mind track. My garden is starting to look great! Although I have have a lot of half finished projects.
Have a good weekend x
Rainbow - that is exactly who I am I help others in all ways before I help myself, i will do anything for anyone, listen to problems etc etc etc and not look at my own. that then turns me back to what I have done before! Never used to be like this, it creaps up on you, but as you say my problem is that I will sit and listen to others problems, help them out, keep listening and do anything for them and then it gets on top of me and I end up crying and speaking to my grandad who has been dead years now, saying why am I like this I don't want to be and wish I was with him. which would not do but did take tablets the other week and ended up in hospital but they said didnt need to do anything as not being sick still and yet I have been sick for a week nearly until yesterday. I find it really hard to try to eat and all hubby keeps saying is eat something, not sure people understand that you either eat like mad with alcohol probs or just cannot eat at all - I am currently on the cannot eat bit post drinking but have just done something positive and bought some plants to put into hanging baskets and pots to give me something to do. lol xx
I don't know if this reply will be any help, but my husband is addicted to alcohol and whilst in one of his many rehabs he was forced to go to AA three times a week. He didn't think much of it. I went to a coupld of meetings with him, and I don't think it would have helped me if I'd been an alcoholic. I am addicted to benzodiazepines, though and have had a lot of support from this website.
I can't see any reason why you shouldn't try to start your own group - but (and as a counsellot you'll know this) some participants might possibly accidently or on purpose sabotage things.
If I were you I'd try to find out how many people would be interested before you get started. That said, if people find it helpful, the news will spread.
I hope you're feeling strong enough to take this on. You may very well find that your addiction becomes even worse if you set up your own group, but I say Good \Luck and give it a go. All the best, Tess.
I sympathise with you and recognise that there are times when you simply can't eat.
Making a small goal for yourself on a daily basis, however small, helps.
The other day I decided I would clean the bathroom. So I did.
The next day I had a shower.
Normal daily activities get pushed to one side when addiction is involved. I'm glad you're enjoying your hanging baskets!
Love and good wishes, Tess.
Hello Rainbow, I've never posted on this forum before. I've only posted on the anxiety forum.
I started drinking as a teenager. I loved alcohol, I can actually remember thinking 'this stuff brings out the best way in me and makes a good time great'. Many of my friends back then started experimenting with drugs. I miscalled them and thought they were stupid because booze made me feel so great I couldn't imagine why anybody would want to try drugs.
I drank heavily at weekends and social functions. There was quite a drinking culture in the job I did.
However years later when I found myself no longer doing the work I had done for years and suffering from PTSD, my drinking got more and more out of hand. Eventually even I couldn't deny it anymore, I knew I had a problem with drink. I still refused to call myself an alcoholic.
I was given a place at a private residential rehab paid for by the NHS. I soon discovered that the entire focus of the rehab was the AA 12 step model. I saw some people take to it like ducks to water. But I was very resistant to it. I felt like they wanted me to give up an essential part of myself and my own independent thinking to what I found to be a cultish group that seems to create little AA minions.
I was told time and time again 'you will die an alcoholic because you are so in the grip of denial that you won't get with the programme' they loved saying that 'get with the programme'.
I stayed there for 3 months and I continued to half heartedly go to meetings after I left.
Eventually I stopped going. But I didn't start drinking again. I haven't had a drink since 2005. But my PTSD didn't go away and doctors began treating me with lorazepam and diazepam. Over the years I got terribly addicted to these pills.
Now I'm on Oxazepam and zopiclone. I'm trying to get to grips with it. I think your idea of a self help group for alcoholics that isn't based on the AA model is a great idea. I used to wish there was such a thing. I think you'd be surprised by how many people came to your group. I think there are lots of struggling alcoholics that resent the AA model that takes the drink away but tells you you're still sick and will be for the rest of your life.
Im not slagging off AA. I know it works well for some. But I know there are others who actively resent the 12 step model
I wish you the best of luck Rainbow, I hope you do start your group.
thank you so much - that is exactly how I feel just doing a bit at a time. probably spent money I cannot afford but it will keep me busy. would love to know where you are from Tess! just about to do baskets etc having spoken to mum and dad about the work bit and the guy I care for mums text to me which are horrid. need something to get my motivation going and not the drink though tempted I must admit better to try to get busy
Hi! since you are a counselor I think you have more options than the average Joe...So, when you talk about a "group"...you could set up an original group..doesn't have to be AA (unless you want it to be).
In my local newspaper there is a listing of different groups in the area...there is one for "Alienated grandparents"....one I should go to.
You could come up with a name and an advertisement....do they have little local papers you can advertise cheaply in?
You could come up with some gay name..ya know..LOL...like "Be free" (Im not saying that name to be used...just saying you OWN the group...you name it something cool. Then a little blip to explain....I am a licensed counselor and am starting a group for people that wish to deal with alcohol and dry substance abuse. Explain this is or is not AA related....bla, bla, you get it.
Then find a strategically located church (i only say church because they are very open to helping others and rent space is cheap)...and set up the rental so you can put the location of the meeting in your AD.....great idea to help yourself and others.
Rainbow...as far as your drinking...are going full force no alcohol? Campral is working for me (I am not craving alcohol even in tough moments).
And Sinclair sounds like the only other alternative if you want to continue drinking (less). And Sinclair seems like it works for those that follow that "program".
Do something....and things change. Do nothing and they stay the same.
Listen to me..hahaha....2 weeks sober and I know everything. NO I don't....but I do know that I feel BETTER this way and I hope to stay this way...and I hope you get to experience what I am feeling soon.
Hi Kathy. I'm in north London and you can come round and clean my house any time you like lol.
People who are not addicted don't understand the mountains we climb just to get out of bed in the mornings, or cook a meal.
Some of most recent daily challenges have included cleaning out the fridge and doing two pieces or ironing. V. boring anad at this rate the ironing will hit the ceiling but that's too bad.
I feel better when I've achieved my goal, however pathetic it seems to others.
So much better, in fact, that I go back to bed mightily pleased with myself.
I haven't got out of bed for anything much for a fortnight now. Yes, I go to the bathroom and I make milk shakes (instead of meals) but the smallest steps are worth the self-esteem you find getting bigger as you perform your chore. Actually, hanging baskets sounds nice. I'm rubbish at gardening so my little goals tend to be housework based.
I've needed a hair cut for a month. I've actually made three appointments, but couldn't drag myself out of bed to attend them.
I think that when my hair looks normal again, I'll be spurred on to do something else. I don't want to go out because my hair looks terrible.
Oh, vanity, vanity.