Hello
Forgive me, but this is going to be a long post. I have a problem, and ignoring it/distracting myself has been my coping mechanism. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. I keep making excuses for myself, and I know this is not a good idea. I need to just talk about it. Any help, at all, will be greatly appreciated. I feel alone, and people including doctors have been dumbfounded as to what could be wrong with me. Expressing my problem has proven difficult, so I will try to go in as much detail as possible, including all of my sexual history.
Day to day, I feel strange sensations in the end of my penis. They may only last a second or two at a time, and this persists throughout the entire day. Sometimes it feels like it’s been pinched on the inside, or like a blood vessel is being squeezed/cramped. Sometimes it feels quite sharp, sometimes a throbbing feeling. Sometimes quite mild, and sometimes I can go several days or even weeks without it being a major distraction. I’ve learned how to keep my cool but it certainly affects my mental health, libido and all that. It’s a deeply unsettling feeling and does not feel normal. It’s not the general pain you might feel from putting a bit too much pressure on your penis, or from masturbating several times in a day. It feels very much directed in the glans; the end of my urethra specifically. Seems to trigger completely at random. It’s flared up while walking, sitting down, regardless of whether I’m clothed or naked. I can’t say I recall it ever happening while erect, though as my libido drops off a cliff when it happens, I haven’t even tested that.
As far as I’m concerned my symptom is pain, nothing else. No discharge, no obvious visual signs of anything wrong. There is a slight redness to my urethral opening, but that may just be projection on my part. I would say my penis looks about the same as it did before this problem started over 2 years ago. I’ve really tried to see what might be wrong, and have looked at my penis when the problem flares up. Nothing obvious.
My sexual history, in chronological order:
- Lost my virginity just over 3 years ago to a girl who was also a virgin. We were in a relationship for about 10 months, and I’m pretty certain was an exclusive one. I trusted her and so I do not think she was sleeping with other men.
- About 3 months into our relationship, I hurt my penis from vigorous sex. I was penetrating her good old doggy style, and at some point I “missed” her and at some force. From what I recall there wasn’t much pain, or a “popping” sound or anything like that. My erection didn’t last much longer and it sort of just went limp for the rest of the night and into the morning. I struggled to get an erection at all for about a week, which freaked me out a bit as that had never happened to me. This was also the first time my libido ever fell off a cliff, so that was also depressing. I phoned a doctor and I was going to have an appointment, but I cancelled as I was feeling like I was starting to be able to get erections again. Within about a month I felt not too bad, my libido had mostly returned and I was having sex with her again.
- As luck would have it I continued to have minor injuries to my penis. Failing to penetrate her cowgirl style, bending my penis slightly (for a split second) in trying to do so. I never injured myself like I did the first time but I certainly came close. I was a bit younger, a bit dumber and a bit too eager to please.
- About 5 or 6 months into our relationship we decided we trusted each other enough to start having unprotected sex. Now this is me we’re talking about so of course, more problems came about as a result. I contracted a UTI, but did not know it at first. My penis started getting very itchy. Not necessarily painful, just incredibly itchy and irritated. I wanted to scratch it, but it’s a penis, that would not be good would it. It wasn’t constantly itchy but when it was it was quite unbearable. Peeing was slightly more difficult than usual, I believe I recall burning sensations. Took some time off work as it sometimes prevented me from sleeping. Now of course, I went to a sexual health clinic, did some STI tests (this was honestly a bit traumatic, I didn’t know what to expect), did further urine tests, but everything was fine apparently. They assumed I had thrush, so I applied “Canestan HC” to my glans (it seemed to be confined to that area) and took a single anti-fungal pill (I think that’s what it was). No improvement. They prescribed me a stronger steroid: Hydrocortisone 1& w/w. I really caked that stuff on my penis for a few days, in desperation for my symptoms to go away. Like sunscreen that hadn’t been rubbed in. After going back to the doctor and doing another urine test, finally they diagnosed it as a UTI. Immediately stopped treating myself for thrush, which of course I didn’t have. Took some pills for a week, I saw instant improvements. No more itchy willy, the end? Not exactly… This is the moment that I would say my chronic pain began. It may have started slightly earlier but I don’t think so.
- After that ordeal I had sex with my girlfriend about 3 or 4 times, with a condom, before we broke up.
- I had a one night stand about 3 months later with an ex girlfriend from univeristy. Used a condom. She was also a virgin. I was out of practice and recall experiencing another (very) mild injury, again failing to penetrate with the girl in the cowgirl position (a slight bend to my penis for a split second). Didn’t lose an erection or anything like that, I just don’t remember being at “full power” for long.
- I have not had any sexual contact with anyone since the one night stand. This was in December 2018.
Summary of the above:
- Had sex with two women in my lifetime. Both virgins
- First girl was a long-ish relationship. Had unprotected sex a few times with her. Hurt my penis a few times unintentionally.
- Contracted a UTI, for about two weeks was diagnosed as thrush instead, and I perhaps overreacted in desperate attempt to stop my symptoms.
- Second girl I had sex with was a one night stand. Used a condom.
- Have suffered my aforementioned chronic pain since.
Other things of note
- Never had sex under the influence of alcohol.
- Never taken drugs.
- I practice good hygiene. I would consider myself a bit of a “germophobe”.
- Never had penetrative anal sex but of course as I’ve had unprotected sex there’s a decent chance my penis made physical contact with one.
- The first girl I had sex with now unfortunately has herpes. She thinks she knows who she caught it from and it would have been several months after I was with her. She only told me she had it after I asked how she was getting on after we stopped messaging each other for a while. Nevertheless I cannot rule out with absolute certainty that she didn’t have it when she was with me. She was a virgin but that doesn’t mean she didn’t already have it, or caught it off someone else unknowingly.
- Penis problems run in my family. Who’d have thought! Everyone on my dad’s side, including my brother, are circumcised due to having “tight” foreskin. I am uncircumcised, and I don’t really think it’s been much of a problem for me. When I was a young I did see a doctor about it, but it was more of a precautionary thing. I remember applying a cream to my penis to help the foreskin contract (I never did this or was able to do this until just before I was a teenager). I can contract my foreskin fully. Maybe it’s tighter than other people’s, I really don’t know. It seems perfectly fine to me. If I pull it back at a certain angle a weird blood vessel forms just under my glans, like it’s being squeezed. I’ve always noticed it though, it’s nothing new. And it only happens if, as I say, I pull it back far and at a particular angle.
- About 2 years ago I saw a doctor about my ongoing problem, but at the time I just described it as low libido/depression. I downplayed my physical symptoms. I did a poor job explaining my sexual history. They did some various blood tests, testosterone and all that. Everything was fine.
- I have moderate/low libido day to day. Generally speaking the longer I go without any weird sensations/pain in my penis, the higher my libido gets.
- About 6 months ago I once again called a sexual health clinic and tried to explain my problem, and all of my sexual history. The doctor who I was speaking to on the phone did not seem to know what might be wrong with me. They booked a physical appointment but had to cancel last minute due to staff sickness, and this gave me an out (I just wanted to go back to ignoring it), so I didn’t reschedule. I want to get vaccinated from Covid 19 and then sort this out.
If nothing else, thank you for reading. It’s difficult but just talking about it does help at least a little bit. This is the first time I’ve talked about my story all in one go on the internet, and I hope it leads to me getting better. I need to get better as it does send me into a dark place. If anything good has come out of this so far, it’s that it’s given me a thick skin about everything that isn’t sex related.
I will try to elaborate on anything that you feel is unclear. At the time of writing it’s very late at night so it may be a while before I reply.
Thank you, and I wish you all in good health.
Jack