Hello everyone. I'm having a really hard time adjusting here and would love some friendly advice.
I'm a single mother of one and suffer from cfs/me but I have more painful days them fatigued now. I've been prescribed citalopram by my doctor after 3 years of extreme depression probably post natal following several accounts of trauma with my uncle being killed the same time as my child's father leaving when she was 9 weeks old leaving us homeless.
We moved in with my father who as I discovered had a cocaine addiction, I was so very tired and stressed all the time, when would this settle?
Felt like I had zero connection with my beautiful girl, had no one I could really relate to as all my friends were 23 so started to turn to wine which became a problem. I don't drink anymore just so everyone knows! Completely sober , self medication not the answer!
Since, we have moved twice as my girls father became suicidal . He attempted to take his life last year on my birthday which sent me into extreme numbness. I couldn't breathe for months at the thought of him in any way. He still alive now but doesn't come round any more which hurts my daughter, she's asks for him everyday and is very confused.
Then our previous neighbours, one died of a drinking problem. One died from cancer and the one above me became violent with his partner in the night so I feared seeing him in the public hall from listening to her scream. My daughter was so scared she thought it was a monster!
I have a tense relationship with my mum, I can't talk to her it just turns into anger and misunderstanding everytime.
Now with the citalopram the first 4 days felt like I was stoned, now it's just almost separate personalities. One where I fake happiness and the other where I really don't want to be here any more.
I love my daughter so much but my chest hurts with heaviness and pain.
I am seeing a councillor too I just can't see an out or a light.
Can anyone she'd a new perspective? I spend everyday looking for the positives but I just don't feel them xx