Citalopram after attempted suicide and panic attacks

Treatment and medication
1

Hi guys,

I'm 21 years old and have suffered really bad anxiety for the past year, especially when I smoked cannabis. It would bring on panic attacks instantly.

I stopped smoking last year due to this however the symptoms have only worsened. I split up with my partner a few months ago and have been feeling really depressed as well as anxious. I quit my job, never see any of my friends and barely leave the house anymore.

A couple days ago I musterd up the courage to see a few friends for a drink, I blacked out all night and I remember nothing except I tried to kill myself (later that night, not in front of them, so they don't know of my situation).

My mum did find out so she knows what I'm going through and phoned the Dr for me, and informed him of my condition. He wanted to see me in person so I went up (feeling like I wanted to run out of the room) and was prescribed 10mg Cit.

I'm planning on starting this 1x per day plan tomorrow but I am absolutely terrified of my condition getting worse. I've read it gets worse for about 4 weeks then gets better, however I don't think I'll be able to cope with the worse stage. I'm worried I get so scared in a panic attack that I do something stupid.

Would anybody reccomend taking something to counteract the panic attacks? Such as taking diazepam as well as the Citalopram? As I said I have no job to go to or anything like that so i don't care if I'm a braindead zombie for 4 weeks, I just am so fed up being scared, and being scared of the fear. The only time of the day I can relax is about midnight in bed, as I know I won't be disturbed.

Sorry for the huge post, I wanted to make sure I covered all the important topics in one go, if I think of anything else relevent i'll let whoever replies know.

I would appreciate any and all expierences/opinions, as I will be checking this thread very reguarly every day as I go through my treatment. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even though I have never felt more alone.

Thanks for reading.

2

Forgot to mention that I have maybe about 4 or 5 panic attacks every day. I can control some, but not all. It's very debilitating having that thought, that fear in the back of my mind 24/7.

3

Hey Drizz,

I used to have multiple panic attacks daily and its terrifying and debilitating,  you get scared to go out in case you have a panic attack, they call the feeling of a panic attack a feeling of impending doom, and thats so right, I was first prescribed Propananol for ny panic attacks this slows down your heart rate it helped a little with me but not hugely,  I know others on this forum will be able to suggest better meds to take.

Cit has helped me a lot, I had horrible side effects the first time I took Cit but thats because I started at 20mg which was too much for me so I went down to 10mg which was so much better, I am up to 20mg now after only taking it for around two weeks now and the side effect are pretty much gone.

One thing I will warn you about in case you do experience it is Cit makes a lot of us feel detached and slightly high when u first take it well for the first week for me I felt like this, it really freaked me out as my doctor told me there are no side effect,  lol she was so wrong and as she told me this I wasn't expecting to feel what I did, so the first day I took Cit and started feeling detached and high I had a big panic attack and ended up in the emergency room as I thought I was dying lol,  but I wasnt, it was just side effects from 20mg of cit.

This drug has helped me so much, everyday isn't perfect but I've had more good days then bad, one piece of advice someone gave me on here which has helped with the side effects was "just go with it, don't fight it" which I am doing, I went with the feeling high and detached I didn't let myself freak out about those feelings, and coming on this forum will help you, once you start taking it if you do get side effects (and remember not everyone does get side effects) you'll read about ppl experiencing the same thing which will help calm your anxiety as everyone is going through the same or similar things,

Good luck, stay strong and remember things do get better and suicide is permanent and not the answer, your life is precious.  Living this part of your life will only make you stronger in the long run.

Keep us all updated 

Sarah xxx

4

Tell your doctor how you feel. It should be possible to take diaz for few weeks until cit kicks in. My advice would be dont take the cannabis or alcohol until you feel much better..they will only mess with your brain.....plenty of water and exercise will help you feel better. Please try. Counselling would be very good, gp referral maybe? I wish you well, be patient . You will feel better. I felt like you once, youwill enjoy life again.x

5

Hey Drizzle

Sorry to hear about your troubles my friend. It sucks to be an intelligent, sensitive person sometimes you know. That's the type of person that gets hit with this but you know what? One day it will be you who is helping others, you'll be needed so don't check out just yet!

I've been through all of this and much more. Here's another surprise - i'm glad I did. I love the person I am today - I welcome my little anxiety reminders too as they keep me in check - remind me to take care of my mental and physical well being.  If you can tough it out, see it as part of life's rich experience,  then one day it may make sense to you. 

Anyway, here's how I got here, please believe me: nothing you are going through is unique, stay on this site long enough and you'll notice most posts are almost identical. Okay: no drugs and that includes caffeine, nicotine, alcohol or weed. Your body is nothing if not a bunch of chemicals, don't poison the system. Eat good nutritious food and lots of water. Exercise: even if it's just a long walk, this releases the good chemicals in your body and helps you get restorative sleep. Medication: initially the Diazepam is ok for emergencies but this is a powerful, addictive drug so treat with care. For the first 6 months of my recovery I used to keep them in my wallet as a comfort blanket but didn't take them. They can produce a rebound anxiety so watch out for that.  Citalopram seems to work for a lot of people to take the edge off long term and I'm still on 10mg.  I think this is a good amount because anything more takes too much of the feelings of being alive away ( I like to experience feeling good and bad as this is what it means to be human don't forget). 

For long term improvement you must look at CBT. This is how I got on the road to recovery. Try 'fear-fighter' - it's an online firm of therapy prescribed by the NHS. I paid £90 to get it rather than go on waiting list. Just use some of that money you used to spend on weed, booze or junk 😉

IIt will show you that you are only afraid of your own fear and actually that can be understood and controlled. Your thought patterns trigger fight or flight chemicals which feel terrible when you're just sat in your room ( not escaping a wild animal as intended ). 

Deep relaxation techniques will be shown to you which help you find time to 'slow down your chattering mind' - thinking too much is one of our problems. Your brain needs some downtime. Give it a break.

Finally it's about acceptance. This is who you are and the more you run away from it the more it chases you. You will eventually turn and face the 'monster' and guess what? It stops, it says " hey, why aren't you running scared?" That's when you say " come on then, let's feel this fear and see where it goes " ....but that's when it stops visiting you cos it doesn't get fed ( this stuff survives on your fear, so when you embrace it, you starve it ). Haven't you noticed that fear has a beginning and a end? It goes, nothing lasts, even when you want it to...

Finally don't be afraid to pray. You don't need to be a bible basher or anything, just get into the habit of calling on a higher power to comfort you - after all, you're not responsible for making the sun come up or for making the tide come in or making stars explode - there is a power much greater than us and we're all part of the same universe. Let that love in and watch it do its work. 

6

You are aware that citalopram takes weeks to kick in.  That is good. I kept counting the days!   Now at 5 weeks I am aware it is working.  I am on 10mg but was worried that everyone else seemed to be on higher doses so thought mine wouldn't work!  I was paranoid but kept with it eith all the nausea I was getting - and still get on occasion.    However my doctor recommended taking diazepan when things got too tough.  Only 2mg and in fact only took it on a few occasions.  Knowing I had it helped me enormously.   Purely psychologica!     I have now come clean with a few close friends and their support and odd text messages and emails help enormously.  I was at first so embarrassed I told know one.  It was only when I broke down in public that I had to tell them!    Also please please keep your doctor informed how you are feeling. They see so many people like us that they can really help you through.  Started CBT this week after my doctor pushing for me yo be treated urgently and I felt so good knowing that there were do many other normal looking people feeling just like me!   Bear with it. There is an dandy to it!   

7

Hi, I am on Citalopram 10mg, i started with 20mg but side effects were awful. It takes about 6-8 wks to stabilise in your body. My panic attacks have gone and my anxiety is so much better. I would bear with it if you can. My GP recommended i take it in the morning as at first i was taking in the evening and couldn't sleep. Every body is different with this tablet so go by how your own body feels. Give it time. Have you thought about Counselling or talking therapies. 

8

Hi drizz

I'm 22 and have been suffering just like you for about 4-5 months. I had panic attacks at least 5 times a day and even rang an ambulance twice and went into hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. I'm on 20mg of citalopram and the first couple of weeks I defiantly felt worse and thought I'd never get better! But here I am in week 6th and I'm feeling so much more like myself. Yes I do still get bad days but the longer you take citalopram the more it helps. I'm going out tonight for the first time in ages. Before like you, I wouldn't even leave the house and when I did more panic attacks would just happen. Please give it time and you will see a result. I also was given diazepam to take when feeling extremely anxious, it helped but when I ran out the doctor wouldn't give me anymore because they can be really addictive so it's best not to rely on them. I hope this helps and feel free to chat to me if you feel down or just want to ask me something. We're in the same boat =) It's helped me joining this forum also.. knowing I'm not the only one makes a big difference.

Take care x

9

Good advice Ashleigh, glad it worked for you.

10

Thank you everybody for your advice, unfortunetely I was too late in phoning the doctors today to try and grab some Diazepam as I am still very nervous about feeling more anxious while I start the course of Cit.

Reopens on Monday though so if needs be I'll phone then.

I will take my first one tonight before bed, as when I was prescribed Propanolol for tense situations I would often feel panic as soon as I swallowed the tablet.. so better for me to be in bed, alone and relaxed.

Thanks again for the replies, hope you all are well. I will keep you updated!

11

P.S

I have quit alcohol and cannabis completely, but smoke about 2 or 3 cigarettes while I'm relaxing at night.

(Just two weeks ago I was smoking 10 per day, ironically this panic seems to have done me a favour!)

12

Had my first tablet last night, feel a little odd today.. not sure if it's actually the tablet or a placebo but slightly dizzy and even further back in my own head. 

It's definetely something I can cope with and doesn't bother me a huge amount.

Hopefully like the others say, one day I will wake up feeling good for once!

13

The way you're feeling is normal just try to go with it, your on a low dose, I'm on 30mg now and a lot of others are on 40mg, it's good your doc started younon a low does 20mg can bring on a lot of side effects, your doc might move your mg up slowly so your body can get used to it, it eliminated the horrible side effects moving up mg slowly. 

They should really help you eventuall, as I said before it took about a  week and I started to feel better with my anxiety,  it could take longer every person is different,  but remember these aren't a magic cure and you should try to work on what brought you to this situation with depression and anxiety, and trying to be positive will also helps, try  not to over think things ordwell on them, I think a lot of us do that and it just makes things worse.

lf you're having a bad day just come on here and vent I do and it helps, we're all going through similar things with depression and anxiety so many ppl have good advice and are extremely understanding.

Sarah x 

14

Well done Drizz

15

Hi Sarah,

Yes, I'm glad I started on a low dose, I think if I was having serious side effects it would really freak me out.

I understand they aren't a magic cure, once the Cit has done what it can hopefully I will feel calm enough to be able to hold a conversation with someone, then I have plans to see a counciler.

Haha I was trying to go on last night however I think the site was down for maintenance, what timing.

Days can be difficult and very uncomfortable. Nights however though, I am very calm and relaxed as I can be alone.

How long have you been on Cit for?

Drizz smile x

 

16

Yes lol It would have freaked you out, a few of us on here ended up in the emergency room from taking 20mg for our first dose, not because anything health wise was wrong but it can freak ppl like us out when we already suffer from major anxiety, and then your freaked out having horrible side effects and having a panic attack lol, not a good look. 

I started taking Cit on the 1st September so 2 weeks ago today, I have it marked on my calander, first day I took 20mg ended up in A&E so second day I took 10mg the side effects were a lot less, I felt okay, a bit dizzy but okay I did stay in that whole day though, the 3rd day I took 10mg and was okay until I went out for about an hour while I was out I felt very uncomfortable with ppl around me, but it calmed down after a while I did the whole mental speach in my head "your okay, your just panicking,  nothing is actually wrong with you, just go with it" lol and deep  slow breathing, and I always have my ipod and listening to music while im out can help me distract myself from all the ppl around me and getti g anxious with the crowds, learning coping skills for  my anxiety helps along with cit. I've slowly up ed my dose and now I'm on 30mg, the only side effects I have now are a little bit of a dodgy tummy for about an hour in thw morning (I take my cit at 7am) and I feel tired if im sitting down, as long as im activei feel wide awake but as soon as my bum hits a chair I feel quite tired,  kinda weird. So see it all can get better for you too :-)

Up until I started taking cit I used to sit in my room all day, id wake up at 1/2 In  the afternoon and feel so crap, the Cit has helped my anxiety and depression and given me a boost, I actually get things done now :-) it so weird that something is actually working and helping me, I really, really hope you start feeling a difference as quickly as I did :-)

And yes the site was down yesterday,  I didnt know what to do with myself lol.

Sarah x

17

Oh and sorry about my super long posts, I tend to do that a lot lol.

18

I don't think I would've ended up in A&E, even while in the panic I am aware I'm in no danger, but still need to get out of the situation. It seems to be some sort of social anxiety.

I dragged myself out and went for a walk to the beach today, I saw a friend of mine which made me feel horribly uncomfortable so I basically just walked away haha, I hope he took no offence.

I know what you mean about getting tired when you sit.. as I tend to stay in all day I find the anxiety gets worse and I get tired and lethargic. I was in the garden all day yesterday keeping busy and I felt much better for doing so.

i do hope Cit will be of help with social anxiety, as well as general anxiety, as I am currently only feeling bad when I have a possibility of speaking or seeing someone, especially someone I know.

I am certainly glad it has been working for you.I have still been sitting in my room most of the day but try to go out once, even if just for 5 minutes.

I don't know whether to wait until the Cit has 'done it's magic' and I feel as though I could comfortably hold a conversation with anyone, or go out everyday and try the 'exposure therapy' but at the risk of (in my mind) damaging my confidence and feeling even worse than I do now.

Good to hear from you, don't worry about the reply length, it's very reassuring to hear someone elses story in detail.

Drizz x

19

Pretty sure I typed around 22 'I's in that sentance, gonna need to learn some new ways to begin my paragraphs haha!

It's 3am here in the UK so that's my excuse wink

20

Hey Drizz,

I live in the UK too, I used to live in Brighton which I loved but now I'm in crappy london. I used to love going out at night and sitting on the beach and watch the waves, so chilled. Miss that.

You should do what you thinks best for you regarding going out, if you feel uncomfortable around ppl but still push yourself to go out once aday then thats good, as you said u were in the garden all day yesterday and you felt good, like I said above I used to go out at night so I wouldn't bump into ppl.

Lol your use of 'I' if fine lol, but I know what you mean I tend to use 'and' a lot.

Sarah x