I started Citalopram late June, first on 10mg for a week and now on 20mg, because I started to get really bad anxiety that turned into awful intrusive thoughts that made me doubt everything. It got to a point where I couldn't do anything and it was really scary. I've been on Cit for about 7 or 8 weeks now, and luckily I do feel better than I did. I am able to go out on my own after weeks and weeks of being stuck in the house, and slowly the anxiety and intrusive thoughts began to lessen. I still get the thoughts sometimes but I know they aren't true because my anxiety isn't so high. However, I keep having moments where I feel really not like myself, like I'm not sure how to describe it??? I feel kind of emotionally numb, like I don't really have any sense of purpose or any sense of who I am, even though I know who I am. I just don't feel like me. I look back at videos of me or pictures and recognise that as me, but can't remember how I felt during that time? I'm not sure whether it's because I was struggling with anxiety and thoughts for so long that now I'm not experiencing it as much, I feel a bit lost? I've come to notice that when I'm away from home with people I care about, I feel a lot better, and then when I come back home, its like this horrid feeling hits me. Not sure if its anxiety about being back in the place I've been struggling. Its just quite horrible waking up wondering how I'm going to feel, if i'm going to feel anything at all. Sometimes it gets me quite upset, I find myself wanting to cry about it, like I just want to be back to the girl I was before all this started happening to me. It's like I don't know who that is. Is it a good idea to let myself cry? I'm worried sometimes that it would make me feel worse, that I'm allowing it to affect me. Could the medication be making me feel this way, and would it be good to change doses? or do I need to wait and see if it improves on the 20mg? Sorry this is so long but any help would be great. It's awful feeling so numb and lost. Cookiie x
i am on year 13 of proxac, year 11 of xanax, ans year 2 of wellbutrin. what you are describing sounds like dissasociation. i STILL have it like im just goint through the motions of life, like sometimes i drive home and dont remember much of the drive. ive talked to my therapist and its normal with high anxiety for me. the good of beimg able to semi function is worth this one weird side effect.
hi cookiie,
I realize I’m a little late here, but I pretty much went through exactly what you describe. I’ve been on citalopram since January and started on 20mg. it seemed to help my anxiety at first…but only at first. then I started having terrible side effects from gut issues to aches and pains all over. all sorts of weird things and then it stopped helping my anxiety too. maybe worst of all I just didn’t feel like myself anymore either.
fast forward a bit and I reduced my dose to 10mg. seemed to work wonders for a good little while. I got my anxiety back under control, felt pretty good all around and a lot of the symptoms went away.
fast forward a bit further to today. anxiety is back with a vengeance suddenly. all the side effects of the med seem to be trying their hardest to return as well. however, the totally emotionally numb feeling isn’t back nearly as strong. I have feelings again, its the one thing I’m holding onto an ounce of hope with.