Citalopram and Baclofen. no more alcohol

Treatment and medication
1

:D :D .Ok, last night was a weird time-my own damn fault as well , (Im sure alot of you know what Ive been doing with ym life).

Okay.....so I thought Id tag this place as a tick box for each day I remain alcohol free. Sorry, I dont actually drink during the day...so Ill use this as a tick box for everynight I am alcohol free.

Switched Citalopram from taking it in the evenings to taking it at 11 am in the morning..

Take Balcofen 10 mgrs at 4pm, followed by 10mgs at 8pm. Bed at 1015....(Promise not to answer the phone after 930pm) as that was not helping.

Last night was just a reminder of why I need to do this. Been sick, really upset and legs cramping( culd just be as Im a woman) .

Apologies to Flossy , Psychochief and anyone who has helped me.

This is Day 1 ( again ) Night 1 again....Plan for as long as it takes. Im no quitter......and thought I was having a heart attck this afternoon, Chest was so sore, Actually...I quit from alchol-so am I a quitter??????)

Okay....here goes...

2

Day 2...Night 2. Cant eat. No appetite. woke up at lunchtime. screamed at ex thing man thing in house, Watched film , hiding in bedroom, cant talk to people they anger me ( apart form children).

Took citalopram. just took Baclofen 15 mins ago and this time really sweaty, not frezing ( as before)

Feel like an alien out of ditrict 9.

Looking forward to work for some piece. Definately have to take these pills ( just now have to never drink again) see that is my problem , ( that why ive relapsed...its that never thing. But , was thinking about it, alcohol is like my relationship with my ex or my mum, ( either love or hate) Ok, I love my mum unonditionally though, but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-shes manipulative

I dont think this sweaty thing is right,

This is another issue I have. Not alot is documented about this pill, and not a lot really is known about it. Look Im a worrier-but what if it does give you MS?

Anyway, now feeling groggie so going now. sorry for being a pest!

3

Terrible night lasy night. Thats not leep wise, but felt exhausted, and stomach growled at me until 1230am. Drunk man outside groaning for hours. Police were callled.

Feel sick today. Workmen in my flt , everywherer. Still just want to sleep but cant. I didnt like what happened last night...( ie ) me and these pills. Firstloy I was ( I wouldnt desrcibe it as relaxed-more like i was zombied, but couldnt function. couldnt do anything right) Snapped at children fro not doing what they were asked to do.

Feel like acrap mum.

However went to work, still fighting back nausea, but didnt have to worry about being smellie.

Panicing as feel lumpy, and itchy and cold, and cant control. feel out of control. Hope it passes, Its so bad that I forget abpoout the factI d like a drink( Or do I ) as Ive just mentioned it?

Got to go, take care, folks.

4

Is it this stuff? or is it alcohol withdrawal, or is it the mix?

Loosing control, Just lost my temper, cant even cry , just lost it! Everyone else sat playing Nintendo, I want to sleep -cant function. I can honestly say, i was frightened of me!( Erm, I only forgot to buy a block of chees for the macaroni) I went beserk, so took another 5 mg when I got home, Hope it calms me, Thought I was seriously going to have an anneurism. This is no fun!

5

hiya Bad Girrrrrrrrrl :cheerup:

you're doing great Bad Girrrrrl, keep it up :mrgreen: it's just mild booze withdrawl, when it's bad you get stomach cramps and aching joints and you don't know whether you want a 's**t, shower or a shave' for a few days :?

the good news is it will get much much better within the next 24 to 48 hours, hang on in there Bad Girrrrrrrl, you have already done the hardest part :ok: :wink:

cheers (oops sorry about the bad pun lol) :whistle:

Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :run: :rainbow: :rose:

6

Thanks Psychochief.

Worried tonight-ho Im going to face the drinks specialist tomorrow and tell all.

Still alcohol fre, but feel awful-been crying since I dont know when . Kepp telling me to stop it-get a grip.

I dont know what Im supposed to do-Im I suposed to hblurt it all out, and what is that going to make me feel any different about me??

Extremly paranoid. Keep thinking that housing have planted cameras in our smoke alarms.

I thought these things were suposed to help- emotionally Im just as bad as ever, physically, I am curled up and feel disabled.

Im too old for this nonsense. Im lost.Really, I dont understand why I feel so bad.

I dont want to go to that place tomorrow-I want to be so called normal.

IF only people knew the pins in my head.. It actuually spins around in my head-but theres also a small aprt of me that thinks -its me.

Right -what was once my best friend has now left me-but its twin want depart. Gosh-how I dlove to swear it all out-like a very bitter old angry lady.

I never want to do all this again-not ever,please when I am kissing the tarmac in desperation for my buddie to show me some warmth , and help me forget, smack my head off it-its be less painful! There right, I aint going to go on-just not myself. perhaps in a weeks time, ill be singing a different song. Thats if I amke it through this.

Im not going to give up-i have gorgeous fabby children, and I want to sss them blossom.

Right, ENOUGH! Im going to watch a movie-whats the point in sitting fel miserable, lying feeling miserable?its a waist of time-nut I cant get my rubbish away.. Sorrrrrrry-but its the truth!

Ps-how long-24-48 hours, I hope your right!

7

Hellloo- anyone around?

Im okay, still feeling a bit low though.

Ive a meeting tonight with work and we are supposed to be having drinks after-I fdont think Ill be able to do it---just have a juice. I keep saying to myself , have a juice( right now) but worried Ill be tempted and free, no kids, no bully man etc, and friends. Dont do it!!!!!

I saw the drinks nurse, She was understanding-very understanding condsidering-but I couldnt answer questions after some points were made.I even felt sick-so we stopped-and I went away feeling totally drained.

Goodness gracious...( Im trying to stop using god as an expression) ...what must she think :shock: :oops: ? I mean I told her I had slapped my partner-and I wanted to continue......\"a slap....I wanted to...on hevermind\" How pathetic. Sorry, I find it funny these days,,,,me and my big body...dont know what weight I am ,,,but hes about 14 stone...so that was just stupido woman!!!!!

Im having a I feel fat and minging today day. Why does everyone else look so good, and I llok so crap! What do these people do?

Anyway, my house is nearly finished...but thinking about everything, and think im starting to get ready to shift out. I know he will never change. Leopeards dont change their spots-or do they? My freckles change? :shock: Oh - I shouldnt joke!!!!

Anyway, thats day 4 over. Worrie dI want make it to day 5!

8

hey folks, its not easy-life is never easy!

Like I knew I would, I effed up tonight. feeling really sick and down.

I went to this stafff meeting-and dont get me wrong-as I really like and appreciate being apart of their team-but everytimw I spoke this lir=ttle irrational squeak came out, and then someone would speak over me,,,and then I gave up. Put it this way, the youth of today have far more confidence than I have ever had!But I was anfered, id left my child, who I now think has a chest infection, and my other little one-just so I could do this meeting, But then thinking how much I love my job-and I do. Im just lost at to who to trust.

I did come up with a few ideas, and the coollest of coolest area mangera said jokingly:your the ideas man\" ..my problem being is ...I strongly think it would be a good idea to promote life and care. Mums might have children, but at the nd of the day their not to be a pice of meat to be abuse-are they?

its like this..where do you come from-ans: usually its a bottom, so whats this garbage about being sitressed about having bum problem etc. God it annoys me.Tlaking of embarassing probs, oh my god, I had to push somehting back in the other night, wasnt pleassnt and wasnt a tampoon either. You know what it s just like the dentists, its just another part of the body gone wrong!

Anyway, I feel inferior, that me being sensitve( I know it is) but I was there anyway!) if I open up to someone I don t expect a cold shoulder.

God Im gabbing , but thats apart, and I know it i s, teenagers are better than me, in fact evyerone is..In know..god I was planning my suicide after it..then ran ro get milg as I didnt want my head bitten off tomorrow, then saw the pulse..god forbid! I dont think citalopram is strong enough for me-( WEEL LOOK I ABUSED IT-JUST SO THAT FOLKS KNOW , ITS WORTH A GOOD GOD DAMN TRY). IT ALL ONLY WORLKS AS LONG AS i TAKE MY CIT AND BAC as I should, otherwise its screwed, but work wise, I am so zombied, and home wise?????I think hes ill- I think he may have a chest infection. Anyway, bring it on, tomorrows a new say and let change progesss dlowly( if tha t is what it take) Take care , everyone, Ia m missing a chum!

9

Helllo-Im alive-anyone??????

Im anxiously excited. Dont know. Feeling really tired and a bit overwhelmed.

Wel, I was my slightly hungover, but extremley chattie self today. You couldnt get me to shut up. So we were having this competitin at work, Cant even remeber what the incentive was, but I was talking to this woman...and her niece . They were incredibly lovely. Okay, the niece was on the course that I wanted to do at the beginning of this year. It apparently started last week. Apparently there were 20 place and there are only 11 students on the course, ( well so Im told) Ive not had enough experience and do not have enough qualifications to go straight into the course, but I got, well rather she got me all excited about it. I came home, rang my old university....trying to download the application form) and Ive to e-mail the course coordinator...they also looked up my transcripts etc ( theey are a bit rubbish ) but ok, so she recommended I do the diploma. classes started this week but Ive to try and turn up next week for som classes. Ive also to get this form in by next week and theyll discuss the situation) Thats the problem with a degree in Psychs -they date-so you have to keep updating your knowledge. Anyway, carried on talking to these people at my work and made a sale of 4 hundred and forty pounds. The prize money for the shop and me was put in my pocket the entire shift. I had to hand it back before running off.

There are 4 shops in Scotland-I doubt I will win, but it felt good for 5 minutes.

Now Ive a lot of hard work to do, but I like it better that way, and even though Im hungover and a bit regretful about that one-Im prepared to keep on going. okay, I messed up my body again, but hey,,it helped me to turn things around a little.

On the family front -god only knows, if hes not going to move out and I cant get accomodation, then he will just have to start being a babysitter until im qualified. He he-take that!!!!!

anyway, id better get on. feeling more positive than ever in a long long time.

Just thought, 2 or more years and Im starting to think it is maybe worth it. take care everyone. If theres a will theres a way.....but no pill will make me write a will....nit yet anyway.

10

Hey guys-its be nice not to be so alone. Anyway, still dacning on cloud 9-Lucozade helps-I dont think ill be going to bed.Im too haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

And, (lol) haha,,and theres and and.....watch this space................................................... :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

11

Okay, now Im freaked. not slept and heart rate seems to be going at 1000000000 a minute-cant walk and shaking.

I dont think I want this stuff, if this is what it does - im scared!

12

Hi there peeps! Im not out my bed yet.Funny thing is my head (i think is less foggie) Though,last night I waved goodbye to my eldest ( shes gone on Brownie camp(, I was a bit of a mess..Played with the younger one-but it just wasnt the same. Im really missing her.it amazzing what I do take for gtanted.

Anyway,I felt pretty awful last night..Im still feeling awful...im feeling like my joints are curling in on themsselves,Im just not so sure about trusting this stuff...I have huge trust issues anyway, but no one said that this might happen. I have a deformed toed and its throbbing,sometimes the pain keeps me awake, but this other pain is completley different. i cant actually physically function ( without pain) but its not a real pain.

Im tryinng to gight it-hey I managed to get up and plug my laptopin-thats an achievmetnt.

I dont know , looking back on the last I dont know-when did i leave home? Ive just not been the person i GREW UP THINKING i HAD BECOME-DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE?

Honestly my legs --it feels like cramp in my legs and my arms fingers and wrists all ache, yet Ive managed to put pn weight. Thats another thing though, I either look a little bit thin....when??? Or I feel really fat, everyone else ALWAYS looks better, everyone else always seem far better looking, more confident , more brave , more everything. I mean i can see someone wearing the exact same clothing as me, and as I see it so differently on them I forget and probably buy it in again for that feel good factor.

My other little girl had me crying today-one of her friends said something to her. ( She has a litlte bit of excema on her face -around her mouth. One of her friends asked her if thaat was jam on her face. She took it really badly.....this other person then took rampage and decided to start pickin gon her-i could feel it in me. I even remebered the very same feelings when i was her age, At least she told me though-it doesnt help when your the sensitive type-makes you a complete target-I could swear my head of hear as I love my girls and if anyone dare harm them in anyway. I - oh I ll teach my children how to quietly and tactfully/ its worse when it comes from someone that you thought was your friend, that you trusted and once confidided in. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrr! Then I think its pure and simpla-it shines right in front of your nose...its so obviious that we cant see it, these people are perhaps a little bit insecure ( not nice place to be either, but have not learnt how to deal with their insecurities, making it the worse form of character ever-JEALOUSY!!!!!!! My little girl has long blonde hair , big round blue eyes and a very little pretty nose in the middle of her face. she has a little lisp but always is a lot more complicated than what she makes out.Shes extremley clever, she finds writing the word \"the\"difficult yet can write humiliation-(have I spelt that right?

Anyway-see healthwise I feel fine-I don tfeel sick, headachy, I dont feel any ailments at all. I just feel like Ive ran a 70 mile marathon in 1 hour-is this normal? Does everyone feel like this? Is it another one of these things that people dont talkabout? is it? is this just getting older? mIDDLE AGE IS HITTING ME WELL THEN? Whoops sorry -keep hitting caps lock as hands all cramped-will this pass? Or is this it?

Next week I ve so much to do-I dont have the time to think-and fingers crossed i get on the course I want to do. Im praying I do-I need to get the feel good factor from something...That sounds so selfish.Anyway, Becca has gone to her cousins for some company so Im going to try and watch a movie.

take care everyone......Oh and if this is not just an age like symptom, could someone pleases let me know- i do not want to be a layabout for the rest of my life.

Thanks for your time-but most of all look after yourselves.