Hi. I hope someone can relate to this and offer some advice! I've always been a worrier and whilst I've done well in my career I've never found it an enjoyable experience. I'm driven more by worry of getting things wrong or not knowing things than I am by genuinely enjoying the process of the challenge. A lot of my self worth comes in doing well at what I do but then I overdo it and burnout. This has happened several times. I get so worried about not knowing enough and that my decisions will have such a big impact on others. I'd love to be able to enjoy the challenges rather than be constantly terrified of them making my anxiety go into overdrive. I always get the voice in my head saying I should know how to do this and this and this and its exhausting. I know realistically we can't know everything and can't be good at everything but how do you know when to say what you know is good enough? The other thing that triggers my anxiety is lack of clarity in terms of what is expected of me.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has anything similar and has been able to overcome that and enjoy life again with a combination of drugs and therapy/support etc?
Rachael YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for other people's happiness if you make a mistake the world won't come to an end people are not going to be knocking on your door waving a stick at you because you've ruined their life, you have to learn that sometimes things don't go to plan and when that happens you just chuck it in the f*** it bucket and move on and your true friends will still love you for just who you are not what you can give them, and remember you matter just as much as the next person
Hi Rachael
I don't know what your job is but it sounds as if you have quite a lot of responsibility and you are doubting yourself as to your capability.
Why are you thinking of going on drugs, is it anxiety that is making you doubt yourself in your job performance? You seem to be challenging yourself when you say you keep telling yourself that you should know how to do this. The problem is if you don't know how to do what you need to do then I can't see how drugs are going to help you.
You also mention that you don't know what is what is expected of you. That should be clearly laid out in your job description.
I may have misinterpreted your post, apologies if that is the case.
Take care☺
Thank you Sheila. Yes I need to build on my resilience most definitely. I appreciate the firm words!
Hi Lina. Yes my anxiety gets heavily spiked by stress and then the negative thoughts come in around my ability. I have had to work out what to do in the company as they admitted they were making it up as they went along which stressed me out even further. I've demanded a job description which I did for all my team who didn't have them before . Without this I find it really hard to know what I should and shouldn't know or do. It's like a maze to know. Some people perhaps thrive on this but I don't at all. I need some structure to make it work. I introduced that for the team but never had it for myself and that leaves me feeling lost and overworked as I've had to pick up so many roles. This is what I mean about feeling I should know how to do certain things as there is no one guiding what I should or shouldn't be doing to then work out what I do or don't need to know.
Hi Rachael
Well you've taken a step in the right direction by demanding job descriptions for you and your team. To be honest I cannot see how they expect you to work without them. I would stress to them that making it up as you go long doesn't work, you need structure and a framework of hierarchy and staff function.
Don't stress yourself out over it and don't let them drive you to pills. Be firm and let them know that with out structure you cannot be responsible. Sorry if I'm ranting but I have a degree in business management and IT and that's no way to run a company.
Stand firm and good luck☺
Thank you Lina. I couldn't believe it when I joined. I would never do that to a team I manage and it was the first thing I sorted for them. It's because they didn't have a clue what they were doing but I realised if they didn't know then how were they going to even be able to write one for me? It's appalling. The citalopram was to manage the anxiety as it got so out of hand. I couldn't think straight or really function at all. I'm on week 5 of it now and starting to feel better but would love to learn how to be more resilient to the anxiety in future as I do find there are common things that make it flare up. I am back at work but have my boss an ultimatum to say I would leave if they didn't sort it because it was both unmanageable and too many hours. They've helped to an extent but again, they've no idea what they're doing so it's not great. It has hit my confidence hugely even though I should be angry at them for this rather than question myself. I've only ever been told I'm great at my job but this has torn my confidence away because it's just all too vague. Sorry... Long rant I know!
Hi, if they aren't capable of providing a job description for you, write your own and run it by them, may be worth a try.
It's unfair that you had to take an anxiety med because of these circumstances. However, you're on it now and five weeks is still early days, it could take another five weeks before it has full effect. It's different for everyone. Just take heed from other people's experiences here, including my own, that should you ever decide to come off it, wean off it slowly to avoid nasty withdrawal side effects.
Once you sort the mess out at work I'm sure your anxiety will improve.
Best wishes ☺
Thank you Lina. Yes I was on it before and wish I hadn't come off as it had helped. I think coming off it, combined with work stress, led to it coming back. I'd been off it for six months and felt and coped well. I think I will most likely stay on it for life now as can't go through this again. It has too much of an impact on my relationship and my work to have this happen. It's comforting to know that it has helped others. I remember before it felt like it worked more quickly than it has this time which is why I'm particularly concerned it may not work but I'll be patient. I really appreciate your time in responding to me. Very very kind of you. I've felt so lost and lonely through this as it does feel like you'll never feel the same again. It makes me tearful to think about how ill I've been and whether I will be myself again but I will
This is a first for me with ssris..after been a guinea pig to different ssris that didn't agreed with me celexa agreed with me..and now that iam fully recovered .I will never let curiosity get the best of me with coming off celexa..I will take this med till death...wishing you luck..
Really pleased for you! How long did it take to work?
I started noticing glimpses of relief at four months..8months fully recovered..ten milligrams..
Hi Rachael
I came off it and have gone back on it. I messed with the doses for a while but am back on 10mgs. It's taking a little longer for me too the second time round but it worked before so I'm hoping it will work just as well again. We just have to have faith. Take care. 🙏☺
Oh my gosh, I could have written this post!
Lack of clarity about expectations is also a MASSIVE anxiety trigger for me at work. I hate vagueness.
Am currently trying to set up a psychotherapy service in my school, and they are rushing me to start, and I'm putting the brakes on as we don't have a written contract as to what I will be providing. So, I'm writing one myself.
And I totally get the overdoing it and burning out.
To be totally honest, I still find setting boundaries at work really difficult, with the added pressure that I put on myself that I'm a psychotherapist and therefore 'should' be good at it. But it takes practice. It's only over the last couple of years that I have gotten better at this, but in no way do I have it licked yet.
I have found personal therapy really helpful, and yes, antideps have definitely helped when I have crashed from stress. However, the bottom line is, you have to actually get good at saying no and making boundaries for yourself. And be less of a perfectionist. What you do is good enough. You're going to make mistakes at work, people are occasionally going to moan. One has to work on developing a bit of a thicker skin, so to speak.
It all comes down to practice, really. Drugs will calm you, but it's the actually experience of discomfort at work and dealing with that directly, that will really sort you out over time.
Good luck. Totally empathise with where you're coming from.
Rachel, what really shot out at me from your post more than your other comments is what you said about your self worth. In my honest opinion, its that very thing you need to work on. A very wise therapist said to me once, replace the "should" in your sentences with "could" that little change had a big positive impact on me. Yes, you can overcome this with the right support, lots of patience and most of all lots of self love.
Hi Rachel
You can look at job descriptions examples online. Just type in 'job description example for.........(whatever your job is i.e. line manager).
You're getting some really excellent advice from people here by the way.☺
A poster on here mentioned you writing out your job description and getting it signed off, fantastic advice! That could solve alot of your work problems, any problems from them regarding that, have a little chat with your HR department. Document everything.
Wonderful news! I am so pleased for you 🙂
Thank you Lina. The very best of luck to you!
This is so helpful. Thank you Ruth. I agree - saying no has never been my forte and when I've been building a team from scratch, I've taken on the extra burden rather than letting them because I don't want to ask them to work later or do more than I think is fair. What I need to do there though is be firmer in saying we need more resource. I have done this several times but I need to be tougher in doing so.
In terms of therapy, I've recently started and I must say that it is having a difference. Step by step I'm learning to change the way I think about things and challenge the way I have processed these thoughts. A particularly useful one was that I panic if something goes wrong but more at an anxiety level than a normal panic. What she said to me was to take a moment to pause and think about what my thought process is and try injecting another thought. E. G. Okay, something has gone wrong but it doesn't mean you're a failure - stuff will always go wrong or people will disagree with your approach but that doesn't mean you're a failure and so you can simply listen to their point of view, process it and where valid, look at it as a positive learning experience. That helped me several times already this week at work with client calls. I know it will take time as this has been hard wired in me for years but I'm determined to make this change. The boundaries is definitely another part. I head up a digital team for a marketing company and I often have in my head that this means I need to be able to code, to be able to know the ins and outs of absolutely everything. I've done this for years and ended up knowing a lot about all of the different areas in detail whilst others trust specialists to know and do those things. It's exhausting to always be thinking I need to know all those things and be a great strategist and a great presenter, a great x, y, z. I've started to learn that knowing all those things in depth is a sure fire way to go mad and that when I think of people I know who have done this role before, they didn't know any of these things in that depth but knew enough to guide a team. Why I feel I need to know it all I do not know. Does anyone else do this??