Unhappy Chappy. A temporary pseudonym, I hope. Hello and welcome to the forum.
Will Citalopram help? I have suffered with depression for more than 40 years. Citalopram was the drug which finally broke the chemical imbalance for me, but different drugs affect people in different ways. It may help, it may cause side effects; it is important (and difficult) to try and separate side effects from depression itself. I tried Efexor before Citalopram, and I suddenly had involuntary muscle spasms, falling sideways, head sweats, shaking hands .... Since I had not experienced these before, they were considered side effects, and in fact all of them went after I changed to Citalopram.
Like you, my inertia at accepting the fact that I suffered with something which I could not get over without help, actually prolonged the problem. By years. So you have made the first and hardest step in the right direction.
I have been self-employed most of my life. I wonder, when you say your business was doing badly, if it was the depression which broke the business rather than the business failure which pushed the depression deeper. And losing a business does not cause depression to stop with the turn of a key for the last time. You will continue to call yourself a failure until you reralise that you are a survivor, that you have turned the corner and can start again, and that this situation has a positive side, which is that it caused you and your partner to separate and thereby give you both some free time to reestablish priorities. If you can get back together, great. If not, great. Try to stay friends, but don't forget that you have achieved something here. You are no longer both in a relationship spiralling downwards towards hatred.
My advice to you is: forget about feeling embarrassed about depression. Everyone has off days, we just have more of them until we address the Seratonin imbalance, which you now have done. Feeling irritable and angry are symptoms common in this istuation. Learn to give yourself a break. OK, what's done is done. What's lost, count as lost. Get on with it.
Citalopram is an SSRI: A Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor. It is used to address an imbalance of the hormone Seratonin in the brain. It is not a magic bullet, and it takes time to work. It is not uncommon top start on 10 mg, go to 20, 30, 40, even 60 mg a day until the imbalance is addressed, at which time the doctor will discuss what you might be able to do regarding dosage reduction. Do you need the course of tablets? If the doctor prescribed them, I suggest that you do.
I started on 10 mg, went to 20, then 40, prescribed for \"major depression\". After 12 months I decided to get off them, because I do not like taking tablets and because I had developed a side effect I don't want. So I convinced tghe doctor I was doing ok, and reduced from 40 to 30, then after a month from 30 to 20, where the doctor persuaded me to stay as I'm going through custody and property battles after divorce. I think he's right. It is difficult to address a Seratonin imbalance when you don't realise when you have it, or don't have it.
I am not a doctor, but as I see it you will never find the \"plusses\" until you address the base cause of the problem. You have addressed the depression. now you need to address your self image. Do you see yourself as a failure because of a failed business? Henry Ford failed for 35 years before he made it. If you are always the one to say, \"I'm always late\", you will always be late. That's what you tell yourself, that's what will happen. If you say, \"I do not procrastinate\", repeat that 5 times every morning and night for 30 days, you will realise one day that you are getting more done. Don't give up on yourself, or your partner and kids. But you need to change who you have become, by positive affirmations of who you can become. This is not pie in the sky,