citralopram and why I ended up here

Hi

I have been posting over last couple of weeks mainly about dealing with the side effects of taking this drug. However, yesterday a visit from my father has left me feeling more anxious and worrying about ability to cope in the future. He is one of the main reasons I am finding things hard - he is in his late eighties and lost my mum last year and since then it has been so hard to deal with his grief and despair which I hear about almost on a daily basis.This makes me so uptight and Ive come to dread visiting him and listening to it for three hours or more - I know its totally understandable its just I dont know how to cope with this anymore. Does anyone out there have similar experiences and or words of wisdom? Will conttinuing use of thisd rug help me to cope in the coming weeks - I have been on it for just over two weeks.

Sorry for the long post,

Val

I am sorry to here of your despair, citaloprom takes 4 to 6 weeks for it to fully start working bcoz you have taken it for only 2 weeks its still early stages try to hang on u will be ok soon, as for me citalprom has done wondres for me l use to be a rack and never thouht my anxiety and depression would go away but now l am so happy its gone, Inthe mean time taking a walk around your area helps reduce enxiety or a bit of excise. Do not worry u will be ok.

Hi Valerie, It takes a few weeks for Citalopram to settle in your system, because your suffering anxiety yourself it will be difficult for you to help your father. Find out about cruse who are a berevement orgaisation that may be able to help your father by visiting him. Also try age concern or mental health as they usually have befriending services where volunteers will go to visit your father and have a cup of tea and chat to him so that he will have someone to look forward to visiting him. There are day centres too where he may be able to go and lunch clubs for the elderly, they will arrange transport. If he had things to look forward to he may feel better about himself and your visits to him will be more enjoyable to, he will be able to talk about his day and people he has met. Sometimes family members are to close emotionally to help with berevement. First step try age concern they will have details of all organisations. Hope this helps .Elizabeth 

Hi Elizabeth,

thanks for your advice but Dad is really not alone in that he has someone visit most days in the week and often weekend too. He is still reasonably active / independent and still drives. I recently got him to join a club too and he gets the train to visit his brother up north once a month. All in all he has a fairly busy life although he doesn't see it that way 😥 Just wish he could be more upbeat when he talks to me . Hopefully today is just a low day cause up till his visit I felt I was improving

Val

hi Richard

thanks for your reply, it does help to hear from others . I am just on 10mg and had hoped that would be enough but after Dads visit yesterday feel pretty low but I had seen signs of improvement till then. But on here I don't see many who are on this lower dose. I do get out most days walking and I know it helps but feel less able to cope with the real world - does this improve as time on drug increases ? 

Val

Hi Valerie, I have a similar situation with my mother.  However to put it in context, we have never had an easy going relationship.   My problems with it is that with my siblings, her friends etc she is indeed upbeat and positive.  I think I would take a little step back. Is your father struggling and giving the same messages to other family members etc?  If so, I absolutely agree that he is struggling with bereavement, and it is not a failing that you are too close to be able to help him.  You can help him make contact with those who are professionals in this area, and do tell him that your trying so hard to help, but don't know how, that perhaps both of you need some outside help.  Starting with his GP is a good place.  If however, the situation is a little more complex, and he is apparently coping well with other family members etc it may just be a little tweek is needed to a routine you have both appeared to have settled into.  Try to take an outsiders view of his situation.  Is he coping living alone? Is he eating/ cooking?  Is he keeping the house/himself clean? Is he getting out at all? Is he showing signs of obvious depression?  How does he interact with other family members ?  I think once you look at this from a little more distance, you may find that you too can help in finding positive steps and support from other agencies etc to improve things, that in turn doesn't involve you becoming a 24 hour help line.   

If you can list the practical things, then in turn you can also ask other family members to assist.   Being the sandwich generation isn't fun, but it is manageable if we can be a little more objective about what the issues are.  Loads of love and honestly you're not on your own smile xxxxx

10mg is the lowest dose and it is recomended that anxiety sufferers are started on that first and that it is increased if necessary. As said though give it a month to six weeks to work.

Hi Valerie.

6 years ago my Dad left my mum and she had a breakdown and came to live with me. For 6 months I was trying to hold myself together as I was devastated too as well as be the support my mum needed. She was also very bitter and I'd everything in her power to ruin mine and my sisters relationship with Dad....I'd say that we let her succeed because we all kind of turned away from him.

3 years ago,dad died and we where heartbroken. Mum is still bitter. She says things like " your father is haunting me" meaning that she cannot still get past him leaving her. 

When we bring him up in conversation,she turns the whole thing round to her and how she feels,like we aren't going through enough or we shouldn't think of him fondly. She was with him 46 years and he was a amazing husband and father but now she seems intent on dragging up every bit of mud on him to try and taint our memory. Then in the next instance it's all about her grief and her feelings.

It's very hard to be patient. Especially when you are trying to figure things out in your own head.

All I can say is be patient with your Dad. Let him talk as much as he needs but then makes sure when you go away from there that you have somebody to talk with. You need a release too.

Your doctor could very well offer you some bereavement counselling which could be very beneficial if you don't feel like you want to burden family members. Sometimes it's easier to talk to somebody who you can walk away from knowing that you haven't added to there grief.

My family fell apart and I blame a lot of that on mum. She was selfish, controlling and manipulative and through her suffering,she couldn't just accept that we where there for her,she wouldn't stop until she dragged us down with her.

We are all just seeming to get closer through my breakdown so at least even though I'm going through hell,it do done positive thing. It brought my family back together xx

Hi Val

Sorry to hear of your difficult times.  It takes a while for the meds to work, and once they're at their full capacity they should help you.  The initial side effects are quite unpleasant, but ease gradually over a few weeks.

I lost both my parents within weeks of each other 5 years ago, which was devastating.  I was glad I was taking Citralopram which I felt helped me whilst I grieved.

I also agree with Elizabeth - Age Concern, the local Day Centre, Bereavement etc will be of great help to your father and support for you too.  

Take care x