Hi everyone,
I normally stick to the citalopan experiance's page but i am on such a range of drugs i am reaching out.
Some of you know a little about me but i will give the rest of you a run down,
I am 28 i havve 2 girls (5 & 8) and i married i am an Arcitect i work full time and i am mega busy all the time.
I was put on 20mg of cit at xmas and that was uped to 40mg a few weeks ago and they added diazepan last week.
I thought i was getting better after 2 months on cit and i was happier but things have gone from bad to worse over the last 2 weeks.
I am a worrier i worry about every thing, am i have really bad thoughts of bad things happening to people i love pop into my head a random times, it can be very disturbing at times. I am not sleeping at all at the moment and the painc attacks are really bad, mainly at night.
I am not even able to hide my \"madness\" at work anymore all us arty types are abit bonkers but i take the biscuit at the moment. I think i am going to get sacked as i was so bad yesterday my boss kicked me out of the office for an hour so i could chill out. I can loose my job i think it would send me completely over the edge.
I have had years of AD's and theropy but nothing much has helped some times i feel i am going to be like this forever, i really hope not i want to be happy.
I have good days and bad days but the bads days are getting more and more.
If any of you guys and girls out there have any suggestions or things that help you please let me know
Thanks for reading
Marie
Sorry people my spell is discussting on my post
I dont \"Love pop\" as above I HAVE POP
There are lots of typo's sorry I hope it makes sense and you get where i am coming from.
See I am even worried i messed up my post... Sorry
Marie
Hi Marie81.You are making perfect sense.Your typing errors do not mattr on this site as I think most people know exactly where you are coming from.I am also a HUGE WORRIER :roll: I worry about everything.I analyse how people see me or what they think of me.I too have very irrational thoughts about my health and You do not want to know the thoughts I have about my kids.I can be peeling potatoes at the sinkone minute,the kids are playing in the garden,the next minute the thought of someone taking them pops into my head.I go through the whole senario of me going iinto the garden finding them gone.yadda yadda yadda.I actually feel the panic rush through me.I am even feeling it as I am typing this.I too would love to be \"normal\" but do you know what?? I look at people like us as being special!!.We,on this site seem to all be really caring people and I believe that because of that, we suffer with this worry.I try to be positive about this.We will always get \"BAD DAYS\".Try and remember the good ones.You can always come on here on the bad days and offload them negative thoughts.As with any illness,I think part of the treatment of getting better is positive thinking.Embrace your feelings.Deal with the bad days one at a time.Tomorrow could be a \"GOOD DAY\".Keep posting,Take care of you and STOP WORRYING ABOUT UPSETTING PEOPLE.You are a special soul.God only gave the people who are strong,intelligent and caring this illness to deal with. :D xxxxxSTOP APOLOGISING.
Hi pinky thanks for replying.
Its bad the way i worry but i am hopefull that one day i will be ok and not feel this bad.
I have just had a masive cry to my hubby as i was on the phone to my dad and we where talking about my grandparents they have been dead for 9 years as of the 1st of April and my dad forgot thats the day his own parents died, it makes me sick, they had such a big part in our lifes and he forgets and its not due to him being upset he doesnt give a toss. no one has been to the cematory for over a year i thought my auntie was going but obviously not so me and hubby and the girls are going in 2 weeks to clean it up and make it nice plant some flowers etc... I cant belive my familey would not be doing this i know it was 9yrs ago but still they have no respect, if i new this was happening i would have gone myself regardless of the 2 hour drive. I hope when i leave this life i am not fogottenn like that. when nanny died, she has been gone for 13yrs i inhearted her engagement ring i have worn it evey day expt when my dad got married it was my stepmums some thing borrowed all the family thought it was lovely even though my step mum never meet nanny. and then they pull this crap i am really mad.
Sorry i had to get that of my chest I was having good day upuntil that phone call. I now feel washed out and hopefull i will sleep well tonight. (pills permitting)
thanks again and i hope your feeling ok the toughts you have sound similer to mine and its not nice, hopefull one day they will go away.
Hope your day has been a Good day
marie
Hi Marie81.I really do hope you feeling better now.I think it does us alot of good when we have a \"moan\" as you call it :D .Never worry about offloading your worries.I will always listen.I have had some similar things happen to me in my life and I am so understanding you...you are reeeeeally not alone.It is so strange but since joining this site I have found that so many of the people on here have experienced the same sort of probs.Just remember I and others will always listen.Talikng about it is part of the treatment even if you do not find all your answers in the postings.Keep your chin up Buddy.I will private post you tommorow after work ok.God Bless.Nite Nite. :wink: xxx
thanks pinky
I could go on for hours i drive my hubby mad. he doesnt understand my illness at all.
I was doing well today and now after the dad thing i am back to not sleeping i am in the living room with my lap top a pack of smokes and Sex and the city on TV, how boaring is my life!!!!
What keeps you up so late?
M x
Hi marie, i no wot u sayin about your grand parent grave and u not alone with the way u feel about it.
My grandparents both died within 6 months of each other 27 years ago and still i sob uncontrlable for them and miss them more than ever. When im at ther grave side its the only place i feel ther is some 1 i can talk 2 and they r listening and understand (i no it sounds crazy).
I also have the bad thoughts but they tend 2 b more about myself more than others (1 day i wondered wot it would feel like 2 cut through a live wire so i did it, its not good) and there r others wich i wont go in2.
I have nightmares of things happening 2 the kids and family members and they can feel so real.
I find they happen more when im at my most anxious and stressed.
Hope this helps a little and 2 no u r not on your own with theas feelings and your experiences, they do go away but they also come back from time 2 time.
Thats part of deppresion.
Take care and stay strong.