College related anxiety, fear of disappointment and future

[nh_user_1067020]

This requires kind of a backstory. My family is a family of immigrants from Nicaragua. My grandmother is the hardest working person I've ever known in my life and she was a pharmacist in Nicaragua as well as a pharmacist here in the states. They came here during their civil war. Anyways, I've recently started university and I've decided I want to study pharmacy. My family is thrilled and is already so proud of me. The first time I put on my lab coat for class my grandmother looked at me and hugged me and just cried for 10 minutes. I know exactly what she was feeling.

However, I don't know if I'm capable of doing pharmacy. I'm not exceptionally amazing at chemistry, I'm good at it but not great. This past semester I only got an 82 in general Chem one, and that's basically failing in terms on pharmacy school standards. I'm horrible at math. How could I ever go through 4 years of upper level maths and sciences? What if I don't even get into pharmacy school?

I'm currently finishing up a pharmacy technician course so that I can work in a relevant field while in school.

But nothing feels right. I walk around in a constant state of anxiety, in a constant state of "what if I fail". These feelings are so strong sometimes it feels like I can hardly breathe. I feel like I'm not good at anything.

I'm so terrified of disappointing my family and being a failure. I want to show them that everything they have done and sacrificed for me wasn't in vain. I feel like the fate of the universe is on my shoulders and I don't know if I can do it, I'm about the most average person that exists.

And if I change my mind about pharmacy what if my family is disappointed? My grandmother was so happy and proud of me for choosing to follow her same path.

Not only that, I'm worried that I won't be able to provide myself a safe secure future if I don't pursue pharmacy, I don't even have a plan B.

I'm just feeling nothing but negativity and have no motivation and always feel like I'm on the brink of completely freaking out. I don't know what to do

I could never drop out, I feel like I would literally die from shame and guilt.

I'm sure I didn't articulate myself remotely well but if anybody can offer any words it'd be really good for me

[nh_user_1059551]

Hi kitty, think you are worrying so much thinking 'what if'. You are so worried about letting your family down you are constantly feeling anxious and thinking on the negative side. You seem very articulate and so brace and sensible to reach out for help here. Wish more young people cared enough about their future. Can you confide in your family and tell them your worries that you constantly think you may let them down.lm sure they would reasure you you could never let the man down. You seem caring and hard working. Sounds like you are being a bit hard on yourself, you are bound to worry about this as you want to do well , this is normal, but you have wound yourself up to the point you are constantly worrying and thinking negatively. Anxiety causes us to constantly go over a negative outcome. If you could talk with family about this it may help, bottling this up will only make it worse, you need to voice your fears and get some reasurance. Sure everyone will support you and you can have peace of mind and concentrate better. It is suprisinging what you can achieve. I am much older than you and was anxious from school age , I can look back now and if I had more confidence and opened up to people I could have achieved anything. Please do not waste your future, you sound very bright. If your anxious feelings don't improve talk to your doctor, it's very common, he will reasure you and there are all kinds of therapies and relaxation techniques. Good girl, for caring so much about your family and future, I hope everything works out for you❤️

[nh_user_1059551]

Sorry for typing errors, meant you are brave and could never let family down😳😊❤️

[nh_user_1054072]

Hi Kitty l think you are underestimating your family they do not love you because of becoming a pharmacist they love you unconditionally especially your grandmother.Do you think that they would want you to stay in a course which is making you miserable or would they want you to be happy.Talk to them if you can and try to find a course that suits your ability.A lot of young people change courses after a year.Good luck.