Could this be Chronic fatigue?

Brain and nerves
1

Hi there. 

I've come with some questions, after suspecting for a while that my partner may have chronic fatigue syndrome. And wondering if those with experience would agree that this is worth looking into. 

He is 44, and I have known him ten years. For the first 8 years he was a workaholic, 10 hour days, 6 days a week of hard physical labour. He seemed to love it.  

After leaving his job 18 months ago, life has gotten pretty bad. He sleeps all day, 4-5 days a week. He falls asleep in his car in the driveways after driving to the shops and will stay there for hours. He complains of debilitaing pain in his neck, shoulders, arms and hands, and he struggles to perform simple tasks. 

He seems unable to care for the kids, and if I leave them alone with them, he often will stay in bed all day, and wont make them any food or get them any dinner. He has agreed to pick up the kids a few times from school, but then falls asleep and doesnt turn up. 

He's never been a good communicator so we were already off to a bad start there, but if I try to ask him about what he's experiencing he gets angry and just says hes so tired and sore. I have wondered if it's depression, lazyness, or an undiagnosed medical condition. 

Obviously it has turned my life upside down as I am now the sole money earner, child carer and everything else. And his personality has changed into one of misery and sometimes nastiness. 

The thing that puts doubt in my mind about chronic fatigue, is that once or twice a week he will get out of bed and have a super human burst of energy, working in the garden or other physical things. 

So.....does anyone think that maybe he chronic fatigue? I understand that he needs to seek help and get medical advice, but this is a chellenge in it'self. Mostly, I would just like other's opinions on whether this sounds like it could be chronic fatigue. 

It's been 18 months now. 

Thankyou

 

2

I'm not a dr, but that's to mean sounds like it could be a mental illness. Not sound like cfs.

Hope he can get to a dr and talk and get checked.

Good luck with it all.

3

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  It sounds so very hard to deal with and it sounds like you are willing to be patient, which i really admire.

 I'm not a Dr., but it is possible that there is CFS/Fibro causing depression.  I have seen in depression in a male family member the anger and withdrawal that seems to change the person's personality.  And beleive me, CFS  happening to you is enough to get depressed about.  

Concerning him having a couple of days with bursts of energy, that is typical of my life with CFS.  When that happens you can get really tempted to work really hard and overdo which can just make you sicker the next days.

Is he sleeping a lot at  day because he is not sleeping at night, possibly? Insomnia is a big problem with both CFS and depression.

I wish all the best for you.  I have to say that I am so thanful to my husband who has supported me through this journey and been so patient.

4

Your partner would need a lot of blood tests to rule out other things before he could be diagnosed with CFS. It sounds to me very much like it could be depression, which I have experience of so I know how debilitating it can be. But that can be treated so the first step would seem to be to persuade him to see a doctor.

5

First of all - well done you for trying to help your husband on top of everything else you're coping with! I'm sure that laziness has nothing to do with it - something has changed. I hope you can persuade him to go to the docs. There is a whole series of tests to be done before ME/CFS or Fibromyalgia can be diagnosed. It could be many things that need to be tested for and ruled out first. He can't ignore it any longer, he needs to go and get help. Whatever his condition is, there will be help. For instance, if it is CFS he may be helped with CBT, (it certainly helped me to learn how to manage the illness), also, learning to pace yourself, ie, when you do feel you've got some energy, don't spend it all at once, spread it out. A bit like budgeting with money. Please show him our replies and ask him to let us know how he gets on. There are many caring people on this site who are interested in your situation and wish you all the best.

regards.

6

Hi Megan

Not being personal, or meaning to pry, but why did your partner leave his job? Has he been under a lot of stress lately, or had experienced some form of trauma, either mentally or physically, in the last 2 years, or for how long his health has deterioted?

I've been recently diagnosed with CFS/ME after 2 years of numerous tests and investigations into my current health problems, and there are elements of the symptoms that you're partner is experiencing that do suggest CFS/ME as a cause, but until he starts the procedure of ruling out other causes its impossible to say.

Like your partner, I'm 42 and I enjoyed working, earning for my family and I, and now I have had that taken away by CFS/ME it has left me feeling quite worthless, useless and a burden, and I'm sure there is an element of depression in me because of this. On top of those feelings, I have to deal with severe pain and sickness on a daily basis, which in itself can make me feel quite miserable most days. After reading what your partner has to go through, it felt like I was reading my own problems, so I can totally relate to his problems. Being in our early 40s and having our life taken away by illness, whatever it may be, has to be the most demoralising thing ever, I can vouch for that.

Try to get him into the doctors to start the process of elimination of other possible causes, as this will take quite some time to get through before a diagnosis of CFS/ME can be reached.

All the best for the future, and we're here to help if you or your partner needs!

7

Hi Megan. You kinda nailed it yourself when you were wondering if your partner's condition was depression, laziness, or an undiagnosed medical condition. It's impossible to say which of the three it is. Certainly his symptoms don't say to me: ME/CFS. Go to the "solve me/cfs initiative" website and see if the symptoms there resonate with you. To diagnose this condition, he'd have to get bloodwork done to rule out other illnesses. Then see an infectious disease doctor or a rheumatologist knowledgeable about ME/CFS. You say your partner left his job but don't say why. He could be depressed about not working. But really, it's impossible to say what's going on without him getting medical attention.

8

Thanks all so much for your replies. 

He left his job for a number of reasons. Mosty because the demands of the job became to unreasonable for our family, he was falling out with the company, he wasnt able to spend much time with the kids, and I was finally making enough money that it was safe for him to leave, and try working for himself which was always the plan. 

Things didnt go to plan, and he obviously he has not been working for himself, despite loads of clients contacting him asking him to do jobs (hes a tradesman). He wont do anythiing. 

Another bit of info I probably left out was that he was a severe alchoholic for the first 7 years of us being together. He managed to give it up. But now this. 

9

Sounds more like fibromyalgia. But that's just an opinion.

10

Quote from your last entry:

'Mosty because the demands of the job became to unreasonable for our family, he was falling out with the company'

Exactly what happened to me Megan, except I was pushed so hard at work, due to the company expanding, I ended up getting a back injury, and ended up loosing a job I actually enjoyed doing through no fault of my own. No matter how much I pleaded with my employer that I was struggling with the workload, they did not provide me with any extra help. It was an extremely stressful and frustrating time for me, I was getting quite angry and fed up which was affecting home life, and I also was relying on alcohol to try and cope. I can't drink alcohol now due to digestive problems, which is a blessing really. It sounds like your partner was under too much stress and worry and this could well have bought on his symptoms, it did for me.

11

You urgently need to get him to the doctors, he could have a sleep disorder. 

If if he refuses to go, time to get tough and make him go.

If you can't go with him send a letter to the surgery and describe the problem. It will go on file and they can't disclose where it came from. I did this with my mum and her GP invited me in to the surgery and the GP thanked me for the letter because it really helped him diagnose her condition faster. 

12

Hi

Thanks for asking, it seams very like my experience here, but also same hard to understand answers

Well it is for me been ill.

Let's hope hubby picks up

Did you find out what's actually wrong?