crippling anxiety due to dependency disorder

Mental health
1

Hi,

I am a 24 year old from Canada. I've recently come to believe that I have some kind of dependency personality disorder (I am waiting for a referral to go through so I can see a psychiatrist.

I have suffered break ups before but recently I have encountered extremely painful anxiety, obsessive thoughts, paranoia and panic attacks due to a break up.

It started back in September when my girlfriend cheated on me. Every little thing caused me to have a panic attack. Social media posts. Pictures. Songs that reminds me of her. I didn't eat for a month and had severe anxiety where my arms felt like they were on fire. I felt sick at the thought of food and I am a diabetic so this took a huge tole on me. I lost 15 pounds and nothing would make me feel okay but the person who left me.

I ended up getting back together with this person and we just recently broke up. The panic attacks have started again. I'm so tired all I can do is stay in bed. I can't eat I can't do anything. I'm overcome by paranoia and obsessive thoughts about the relationship and sadness.

Nothing makes me feel better but for that person to tell me that everything is okay. Which isn't going to happen.

I've read online about dependent personality disorder. The fear of being alone. That nothing can fix these symptoms besides the person you are with reassuring me that I will be okay. It is like my entire world crashes down and I need them to survive. I don't want to feel like this. It's caused me to lose focus at work and not be in an okay state of mind.

I've tried breathing excersizes and doing healthy things but my mind wanders back to panic and fear and constantly wondering what the future is going to be like. I worry that my friends will choose her over me and that I will be alone. Something I've never been able to deal with.

It feels like I am in a box. I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. It seems like nothing can except for her telling me I'm okay. It causes me to have awful thoughts and put her in a posistion that isn't fair to her. I literally feel like I can't survive without them with me.

I will be okay for 10 minutes and something as simple as a song or something that reminds me of her causes the panic attacks to come back. This happens daily almost 10 times a day. It's unbearable. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I am hoping the DR can help me fix this but it could take weeks to get an appointment with them which isn't ideal as I am suffering greatly right now and in a lot of physical and mental pain.

It seems like nothing can help me right now and I feel so hopeless and alone. The comfort of that person makes me feel better and feel okay. I become overbearing because I need their reassurance at that point and that causes worse problems. I know that isn't right and I never understood it until I read some articles online. I was never abused I had an amazing childhood but I was over parented which I think adds to the depdancy. I'm so incredibly sad and keep hoping i can fix this and everything will be okay but I know that won't happen.

I'm looking for any advice from anyone who has ever felt this way. The fear of feeling this way is why I never left and why I went back. It's terrifying to think someone else can have this effect on you and they can be okay but you are not because of this sickness.

If anyone has encountered anything like this please let me know so I can help to understand what it is I am suffering with. Any suggestions on making this better for the time being until I can get on proper medication and see someone is so greatly appreciated. I hope someone out there has experienced something like this so I can feel a little less alone.

Sincerely,

a lost internet friend in need of some advice.

2

Ask your MD to test your testosterone level . . . low testosterone levels in a male diabetic is a common problem and it robs you of your sense of well-being.  If that's not your problem, you might need a short term SSRI (anti-depressant,) also a common problem of diabetics.  Someone else isn't making you feel the way you do, you have a chemical imbalance of some sort that can be easily remidied by a competent Endocrinologist who is a specialist with diabetes. My brother (60 y/o) a lifelong diabetic went through this for years until he got on the right meds.  You don't have to suffer . . . get yourself to a good doctor.

3

I have gone through similar situation as you. It was not dependency...I have a broken heart. My panic attacks came from knowing I was at fault and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Anxiety from good memories of the relationship and knowing I'd never have that again. I am still suffering but I have understood I feel this way because I really love them. Now, only time is on my side to heal this broken heart. I don't know if this is whats happening with you. Seeing your psychiatrist will be good. It will definitely clarify things for you. As Janet suggested, it wouldn't hurt to get a work up and make sure nothing is off balance.

I thought something was very wrong with me for not letting these feelings go after so much time. I saw a therapist, psychiatrist, group therapy and the truth was that I just fell in love. Not having that love was absolutely devastating. I just pray that I will wake up one day and not feel like this. I've had a miserable life the last three years and I want my life back. We will never be together and I've accepted that but my hearts been stubborn.

I wish I could tell you more. It may be dependency or a broken heart. You will need to see your doctors, be open and honest so that they can get to the root cause of why you are feeling this way. I'm not sure I was of any help but I'm here if you want to talk. XX

4

Yep I have been where you are now. It's torture and anguish combined. You have a good understanding of why you are responding as you are. Also look at attachment theory and the establishment of a secure base in early life.

If you can afford it see a good analytical therapist who knows Bowlby and

Ainsworths work.

Either that or stay dependent and end up like me on drugs still struggling!

Equally you could build a new relationship

Knowing that it will be 'dependent' it works there's loads of people doing it but you are on a route of self discovery with the hope and possibility you can become WELL!

All my best wishes you are not alone

Good luck

5

Hi Andra.. you are suffering from a broken heart, iv,e been there many times, and trust me time heals, after a while you will think of this person less and less an less..untill one day your realize you never think about them hardly atall.. it won,t happen over night but it WILL get BETTER...your not dependant on them at all, just feel rejected and imense hurt.., it gets better i promise..,

6

Hey Janet,

I am actually a 24 year old female