my dad has been diagnosed with severe copd(nov 16) ...i have read so many stories and information my heads going to burst..i honestly dont even know what i am looking for as i have read it all before, its as if i think i will find an answer...i know others with copd and dont get me wrong they arent great but they still going after all these years but then i ask myself how long has my dad had it.. if hes severe..and because hes up and about i think hes ok still years left ...he still smokes and i dont see him giving it up i would be shocked..i know nobody knows when they will die but see when a illness hangs over your head i cant deal with not knowing... i dont know how to shake this feeling...i keep saying stop reading stuff i get on with it but then i start googling it again grrrr sorry for the rant but nobody eles knows how i feel
hiya Leanne im so sorry that you are beating your self up about this, its quite understandable. now im not an expert on this as i was only diagnosed copd around a month ago. im wondering how your Dad feels about it all. can you talk to him about it. its such a shame he cant give up the smoking. im only early stages and i can tell you im really struggling with every day things. i get so breathless and tired. i do also have a heart issue. i gave up smoking nearly 3 years ago, so i can only imagine if i had carried on smoking who knows i might not even be here. if you cant talk to your dad about your feeling. im thinking maybe you should speak to the GP. im sure he will explain things to you. wishing you all the best love julie xxxxxxxxxxxx in case your wondering my age group im 59 xxx
How old is your dad Hun? He may have resolved that the time he has left he may as well enjoy it smoking. I can see his point. The only thing you can do is be there for him and support him in any way you can. You have to remember he is a grown man and I am sure knows the risks of continuing smoking. Copd is a hard pill to swallow, stay strong and try to rember this is his life.
thanks for the reply... sorry to hear you have it and also heart problems...hes dealing with fine from what he makes out..he does tell me when hes struggling but i know he will hide some of it...i havnt gave him a hard time about still smoking as i can imagine it being hard hes nearly 62 and smoked since he was about 9
thanks fro replying...hes nearly 62 but smoked since he was about 9...i dont give him a hard time about smoking ...yes if he quits he might add a few years on but i keep telling myself why cause all that stress he be aswel enjoying it...i guess what i struggle with not knowing when...i feel like i am just waiting on something happen...he also has a twist in his spine due to work and arthritis ...doesnt exercise or get fruit some veg and hes only over 8st so when something happens he will struggle to fight
hiya Leanne well if it was my Dad i would leave him to his smoke, bless him its prob his little enjoyment in life, and you cant take that away from him. all i can say is spent time with him. and talk, and ask him things i must admit i sometimes think if only my mam or dad was here i would ask them such and such a thing. enjoy your time with him. love and best wishes to you and dad julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He still young,shame. Boy are men stuburn, I have copd and my husband watches me suffer everyday but he still smokes, never eats a leafy vegetable and the dude has never been sick in the 30 years I have known him. Quitting smoking is stressful and stress can cause a host of Heath problems. Everyone has to decide what's best for themselves. Maybe cook him a heathy meal for a nice treat and just remind him how much you love him.
hi pam thats a nice idea a meal. everyone on this site always refer to smoking either they do they have they dont now. from what you know is copd solely down to smoking. as a teenager i had a crafty smoke like most young people. but then i didnt actually become what id call a smoker till i was 39 only did this cos of family pressures etc. i smoked for say 20 years in the last 5 years of smoking i would buy tobacco gold leaf i think and i would roll silly little thins cigs. im wondering if this why ive now got copd. ive not smoked now for nearly 3 yrs. never bothered me think i just smoked for the sake of it. cos i gave up too easy. love julie xxxxxxxx
Hi July, my dr loves to remind me I have copd from smoking, like I did not know that duh. If I did not have the chest pain I would still be smoking and never would have known I had copd. I think it's lovely this person cares so much about her father, if my family took the time to help with my daily stress I bet I would not be as sick as I am now. I am glad you quit July and are dealing with it well, this man is lucky he has a child that cares so much.
Your right Leanne no one knows when their time is up but your dad can make his last days a bit easier i have stage 4 copd & use to smoke heavy & thought i would never give it up but it was the best thing i ever did ok i have still got copd but what an improvment & like julie feel i might not still be here if i did not honest Leanne you have got to try to get him to stop ASAP
very well said there pam, i totally agree with what youve just said ie family etc. you take care love julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ps you said you have chest pain, can you tell my where exactly the pain is. im only asking cos ive 2 things going on heart and copd. my chest pain the medical team think its my heart. thanks julie xx
My chest pain is right where my heart is but I had tests done, heart ok three good X-rays . a few dr think it's eather acid reflux, so I changed my diet to low acid, and high ph. Or post nasal drip, I have a crocked nose and a sinus infection that won't go away. What I caugh up seems to look like what's coming out my nose. I am glad to say it's getting better these last few days. I am seeing a ent in June. I just hope I don't get my daughters cold.
over the years i told him he should stop but i dont want to stress him with going on about it...i am trying to just go with it...and think whatever happens happens...i dont want him to die but if hes happy smoking what can i do.. i always pop in asap i work and with 4 kids i am always busy but i call aswel
yip guys are stubborn ... i am trying to go with the flow..i always remember going on at him when he started having a cough to go see a doctor because it wasnt going away that was years back...then beginning last year he took really ill not in hospital but on steriods then finaly he went back oct 16 and got diagnosed with this finally in the nov....it was a releif if am honest because i knew something was up and i wanted to know what... thats sounds terraible but i know my dad and if they said they couldnt see anything that would have been fine with him.. so atleast now he has inhalers to help.
thanks for reply...i have tried years back...but i dont want to get on his case now..he will probably smoke more if i stress him out...i believe he needs to want to stop himself.. he did cut down a little well so he said lol he is struggling with breathing more than he lets on i think...maybe if he get hospitilized it will give him a big enough fright
No body knows when their time is up, perhaps instead of obsessing over how long your Dad has, get into the groove and enjoy all the time you can still have together.
Otherwise you may look back and think of all the time wasted on googling how long any one with COPD has left when it could have been time spent thinking up ways you can still enjoy the days ahead with your Dad.
For sure it would be great if your Dad stopped smoking and for sure there is every possibility that by doing that and going on a pulmonary rehabilitation course, he could prolong his life and the quality of life he can enjoy now and in the future.
But if you want a real story to spur you into enjoying some quality time with your Dad I have known 4 people who continued to smoke after diagnosis, and one lasted 5 years, one lasted 12 years, another 10 years and one eventually did stop smoking but alas now has lung cancer in the remaining lung she has left, (the other lung was riddled with cancer and has been removed) this person still lives today but is on borrowed time. The person who lasted 10 years had the same lung damage as myself on diagnosis and was diagnosed a year after me. I am still going 15 years down the line (I stopped smoked within 3 weeks of diagnosis) I have been active and stable most of that time / years. This winter though, I had flu, then viral bronchitis, another flu strain then pneumonia and I think if I had not been as active or as strong as I was previously I would not have survived. The experience resulted in further lung damage and diagnosis of additional lung problems and additional probs near the heart. If I went through that again chances are I may not survive it but I may be lucky and live to tell this tale again who knows. Either way I am still going keep on doing anything that I can to enhance life and definitely not focus on how much longer I have to live.
Hope your Dad gives up the cigs and lives a long and lung stable life and can enjoy plenty of up beat conversations and outing with you.
Instead of thinking how you feel, consider how your Dad may feel. Are you his full time carer? If so you need to perhaps seek advice for yourself to help you cope with the situation. Contact the BLF helplinel. contact details from this page:
I am trying to be as positive as I can but sometimes when he says he doesn't feel great I always think this is it he will end up in hospital....my dad finds it hard to walk anywhere not just because the copd but the twist in his spine really hurts ...I have spoke with British lung foundation and I described everything and was told I had to try convince him to stop smoking eat veg/fruit and exercise which he won't do...we spoke at great length and was told he could die within 2years if he never started taking more care...I wasn't surprised and I know that's the worse case ...I also know a few people with it and honestly can't believe one is still alive...when I think of these people I think my dad will be fine I know it will get him eventually but not to soon then my mind starts again lol I can be a terrible worrier....I have spoke with him about it he seems to be taking it in his stride as far as he's concerned he's something's go to get you ...he also drinks a few cans of beer every night I only mean like 4/5 but someone who treats their body like this it does catch up I guess
Morning Leanne, i know you cant help it. but all this worrying is not doing you any good at all. i really dont know what to say to you. at the end of the day everyone is dying. as yet ive not known anyone to live forever, and actually i dont think anyone would want to. i know you love your Dad help him with things he struggles with, but then you have to think about YOU and of course your Family. you have got to have a life of your own.
your Dad know what hes doing and if thats his only pleasure having a smoke and a few cans, well Leanne im sorry but you have to respect that you really. please try to enjoy your life as much as you can. i always say life is not a dress rehearsal this is it, you only get one crack at it. so please enjoy it. love and best wishes to you julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Everything you have said is exactly what I say to myself...being a only child no mother or family around I guess plays part of my worrying...but I need to remember about myself I am waiting on a hip operation and I do nothing but worry about everything else lol but from now on I will try be more I can't change the future kinda attitude ...sometimes I just need someone to talk to I guess...thanks for the reply
Hiya Leanne its me again, hope you dont mind. ive just got to say i also was an only child. and you wont believe this but i had might right hip replaced on 15th september. My left hip was replace in 2003. Although im still having probs with that one. i do use a stick, but ive got a great consultant, he will be looking into it at a later date. ive too much going on at the min to have another op. what with the newly diagnosed copd. and my heart. I know its very difficult been an only child. I nursed my dad at home my mother was still at home, but finding it difficult so i moved in for a short period of time to care for him in his last days. I actually grieved for him while he was alive. I truly do understand Leanne how difficult it is. please messege me anytime just for a chat a moan a scream anything you like. lots of love julie ps. so you got an idea of me i will be 60 in July. very out going like a good laugh. xxxxxxxxxxxx