Day 25

Treatment and medication
1

I posted this on Richard's super post about his 8 week journey but then decided to start my own thread. 

This is me so far: 

I'm on Day 25 of 50mg. I have health anxiety, in which insomnia becomes my greatest fear and focus, which is kind of ironic when taking a med that can give you insomnia..... The first fortnight, I averaged about 4.8 hours a night but that included 3 nights of Zero sleep. Yes, I do get a bit obsessive about knowing the exact length of time I sleep. This second 12 days I've averaged 6 hours, although not generally all in a lump, and I often have to get up and lie on the sofa watching old episodes of Frasier until I drop off again. (Yes, I understand about sleep hygiene but just lying in the dark agonizing for sleep is torture). I don't like having to use the Sofa Technique but have decided it's better to get some sleep than none. I don't nap during the day. 

In terms of free-floating anxiety, I feel a lot better ~ most days. 

In terms of low mood, I feel a lot better ~ many days, tho not today, feel a bit teary today. 

Before I started the Sertraline I was very tearful and can only describe what I was feeling as severe mental pain, a combination of anxious and low. 

So these things are all good ~ although I'm disappointed about feeling a bit teary today. 

This is my 3rd attack of Anxiety/Low Mood/Sleep Issues in 4 years, the first after successful chemo and radio (I'm 4 years in remission from lymphoma). The first time, I was advised to work through it without meds. The second time I just did work through it without meds. This time I begged for meds! Plus, since the first time, the sleep anxiety has always been there, no matter how well I actually was sleeping. I suddenly realized I'd been worried about sleep every night for 4 years. That's not healthy. I thought it was time to get pharmaceutical help. 

So, although yesterday was pretty near normal, and had been prefaced by over 6 hours sleep in my bed, and I hoped I was getting near to saying "I feel better", today is lower in mood, and I spent the night on a small sofa with Kelsey Grammer. Disappointing ~ and I'm worried about tonight already. 

However, because I'm in the kind of mood where I want to be able to measure and record and quantify things, I've just been through the last 25 days and given myself a score for Sleep Quality, Anxiety and Mood. 

For the 12 days in September my Sleep Quality was 5.9; Anxiety 4.9; Mood 5.5.

For the 13 days in October my Sleep Quality was 7.1; Anxiety 3.5; Mood 7.2

(Where high values are good for Sleep and Mood; low values are good for Anxiety). 

And this last week my Sleep Quality has been 7.8; Anxiety 3.1; Mood 8.4

How geeky's that? but it's a help to see that things do seem to be improving. 

I gather it could be 6 weeks to see the full effect. I'm half way there. 

Sorry to witter on but it helps. 

Good luck and good wishes. 

2

Thanks for the post Ailidh!  I also have anxiety around sleeping.  I get anxious about it and think about it constantly .  I wake up 2-3 times a night,  usually feeling anxious, and wide awake,  and exhausted all at the same time!  And then I eventually force myself to get out of bed around 6:00 and sit in the shower while I obsess over my lack of sleep, lol.  I even took a full Xanax last night to see if that would help,  sadly it did not.  I've gone through this before,  and I know it took me a few months before my sleep schedule returned to normal,  but hearing it from someone else gives me hope.

3

I actually love how geeky this is, it's a good timeline of improvement. It's great that you are quantifing that improvement as it only further re-enforces that you can see the meds are working for yourself, rather than thinking "when will they kick in fully!".

When you have a bad day, just look back at how far you have come. Don't let one Knock back get you down.

I have been struggling with anxiety, low mood and upsets for a few months now. (2nd event though and it took months to work through) and due to start Sertraline now as I have caved, I don't think I do cope again without meds. This is positive, thank you.

Can I ask how it's affecting you emotionally? Do you feel numb at all? That's a big concern of mine.

4

Thank you for the reply, Thomas. I like the advice about not getting knocked back by one bad day. 

Emotionally, I'm fine. I was a bit concerned before I took the first one because 30 years ago I'd had a month of Prozac and a month of Seroxat, because I was very depressed due to deep loneliness. I hated them, because I was still lonely just couldn't access the emotion, it was like trying to feel through glass. I definitely don't get that with the Sertraline, which is good. 

5

Thank you, Ashley, you've given me hope too ~ the reminder that my sleep schedule Will return to normal, and that I Will stop obsessing quite so much. Hope you had a better night last night. 

6

So, celebrating my 28th tablet today. 

My mood is undeniably better than it was, though not yet as good as it used to be. 

Sleep has generally been OK, tho I've been awake since 4 this morning with stomach ache ~ don't think it's the pills, it came on after the evening meal yesterday. Off out for my annual retinopathy test shortly, so have had to take a couple of Imodium to be on the safe side!

I begin to think there's hope. 

7

Hey Ailidh,

How are things going?  Are you still starting to feel better?  Hope you are.

8

Hi Ashley. Thank you for asking!

By and large, I think I am continuing to improve slowly. Today's not so good ~ I had a telephone appointment with my oncology psychologist, and although it was very positive, in that she says I'm doing all the right things, and that I'm going in the right direction, it's left me very churned up. Ugh. 

Sleep is still a big issue for me. I'm at about 6 hours a night still, usually divided between bed and sofa. If I wake in the night, I can't get back off again, I panic too much, and have to retreat the sofa and Frasier. 

A bit despondent today, I guess, because it's not over yet. I know I'll get there though. 

How about you, how are you doing?