Hi. I've just joined. I drank 4-5 bottles of wine a day for about 4 years. And it gradually got worse. Somehow, in all that time, I managed to keep down a good job and kept my family, friends and children. But one day, I woke up, after a 2 week binge, and I mean 24/7, and didn't know what day it was, what hour it was or even where the last 2 weeks had gone. I was in hell. I was seeing things, wetting myself,vomiting, couldn't walk and had fallen over the vacuum and cut my head on the table. It was awful.
i really thought I was going to die. My liver hurt, my kidneys hurt and my heart and lungs hurt. I couldn't breather, couldn't sleep, couldn't walk,couldn't sit still and cried and screamed for hours.
Then out of the blue, and I don't know how or why, my doctor and parents turned up.
I was given loads of tablets. I don't know what they were. But they were anti nausea, anti depressants, anti anxiety and sleeping tablets. I went to stay at my parents house so they could look after me.
Dont get me wrong. It wasn't easy. I really thought I was a gonner.
I did cold turkey.
my doctor told me, and he has a lot of experience with alcoholics, that you only need to wean yourself off alcohol gradually if you are a chronic alcoholic. Apparently 4-5 bottles of wine a day for 5 years isn't chronic. 4-5 bottles of vodka is a different story.
immtelling this now because I stayed sober for 2 years.
i went to aa and although it was brilliant, it didn't help me. Because I haven't got the "faith". I don't believe in god and asking him to forgive me isn't going too help me. If you have the faith you're "sorted".
If you haven't the the constant conversations about alcohol, make the craving stay.
i needed to distance myself from it.
maybe I've got an obsessive personality. After the drink it was yoga, then, The gym, then food. I think I have the gene. I haven't got the off button.
everything is to the xtreme. And I don't know why.
i had a brilliant childhood, brilliant friends, brilliant kids and brilliant family and job.
everything in my life is good.
but it just must be something in me.
a self destruct button.
i started drinking again yesterday. And I feel sh*t. I loathe myself. I want to die. But I can't. I've too much to live for and too much left to do.
i need help. But don't know what that help is.
talking doesn't help.
sleeping doesn't help.
being awake doesn't help. Neither does reading, tv, sitting in the garden. I don't know what to do.
I'm reading a book at the moment about an alcoholic who recovered. I've not got to the end yet but it's inspiring me to read and maybe write about my own experiences. Maybe that's what I need to do. Help others?