I need to tell someone that their comments, while they may mean well, have not been helpful but I don't know how to say it.
This lady at my church is my husband's Godmother and has been more like a mother to him since his own mother lived abroad. During my peri symptoms I have lost weight. She came up to me and began questioning what's going on. I told her my weight loss was hormonally related and I thought she'd understand since she used to be a nurse and is post menopausal herself. Everytime she sees me she makes comments about my weight like, "are you eating? " "you need to gain more weight. " As if I'm doing any of this on purpose. I sometimes feel anxious about all of these symptoms anyway and to have to be bombarded with it from others doesn't help. How can I tell her to bug off without being rude? She is hard to approach and easily offended. Any suggestions?
oh i had that too, i lost alot of weight in peri, and didnt have any spare to lose in first place ..
still like it now post meno....
difficult one, but can understand totally how you feel.
I am adraid i am straight to the point if some one makes comments i tell them straight no matter what.. ' its personal ' and they should keep their opinions to themselves
If in doubt don't, your instinctively not saying anything as you know she will be offended. I would remember she is only trying to help and try my best to ignore her advice. Or you could tell a little lie and say that your doctor is aware and trying to help. Things should tail off soon as you can't lose weight forever. Or you could go to the doc and get checked out to make sure nothing is wrong and report the findings to her. She may be just worrying for you as most people do not understand weight loss is normal for some people as it is a sign of serious illness in others. A doctors check up might alleviate your worries too. Good luck.
I'm straight to the point as well, probably more so now, so I have to watch that I don't come across really hostile. When I was younger I was more worried about being offensive to others when infact they were really out of line. Now I don't mind saying my peace, in a respectful manner and moving on. So there are some pluses to this time in our lives afterall!
Shar-no harm in letting that person know as you did, that this is hormonal related, then move on. Don't take her words to heart, really.
Thats a difficult one as last year when I first started with this horrible time my so called best friend who worked for my husband and I, made a comment back to me "I wouldnt mind having a melt down like you" (as at that time I couldnt work and it lasted for two weeks and wouldnt see anyone) just shut myself in our bedroom as our dog walker and this friend both used our facilities as they worked from our home.
I had another so called best friend who said "I'd be careful if I were you saying that there is something wrong with you when there isnt, because one day when there is no one will believe me"
Both of these comments are still raw to me but I havent really bothered with either of them since as I feel a coward and hate hurting peoples feelings even though others dont seem to mind hurting me.
Sorry I cant be any more help to you but just wanted you to know that your not a lone. My owm mum went round telling people that I had medical issues (why do they do or say such silly things, as I am certainly not proud of how I have been feeling.
Some people don't even think before they open their mouths do they and think how you may take what they are saying.
I have even kept away from seeing my own Mum in fear of what she might say next, I certainly dont feel any support from her. I havent seen her since May this year as I know when I am feeling great I am frightened that she will say something and un do all of the good of trying to get back the old Joy back who didnt suffer with health anxiety, etc. prior to 2012.
Massive hugs to you, but if you feel you cant say anything back to her then perhaps the next time she does say anything " just tell her that she doesn't know what she is talking about and just walk away before she can say anything back and hurt you some more."
Yeah. That has always been hard for me to shoot straight from the hips with people. But I guess now is a good a time as any to start. Thanks for understanding.
i use to say... Look so i have lost some weight so what..
i also said.. Its just as offensive to remark on someone who is thin as it is someone who is alot heavier.. So if you dont mind, i would sooner not hear your comments.
i smile as the other week my partner said to me, ( he works away) he said your jeans are hanging off you 😳
well that quite annoyed me in the middle of a store.. So i said oh thanks very much .... i best go and buy some smaller ones then had I ..
The only thing my doctors mention when I go for a physical is my cholesterol which I have to watch and my bp which I am on meds for. I also need more iron and was low on vitamin D. But other than that I am within the normal Body Mass Index with my weight so they are not concerned. My blood work with everything else comes back normal. I think it is definitely ny own anxiety about this time in my life and how it sometimes effects how I feel that makes things worse. Then to have someone like her buzzing around in my ear doesn't help.
Yeah, my husband said that I should just try to brush her off somehow. He had to learn how to get her out of his hair with another issue regarding himself. She is just one of those individuals who just doesn't know how to keep her nose out of people's business. She can come up to you and say stuff but if you try and say stuff back she acts like she's the victim and the one being attacked.
You know what I think you just have to pitch it this way and say something like - you being a nurse I thought you would understand what it is to go through the menopause and the effects it can have one you. I am keeping myself as well as I can and yes I have lost weight - but I am not ill and you shouldn't worry yourself about it.
Sometimes you just have to lay things on the line and spell it out!
Hope it helps - and good luck with it - I hate conflict myself xxxx
I AGREE WITH JAYNEE. TELL HER NICELY THAT YOU APPRECIATE HER CONCERN, BUT THAT'S ITS PERSONAL AND YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER ABOUT THIS.
Sounds like the woman means well.....she is just pushing you out of your comfort zone.
Me to Jay ,straight to it ,only way to go at it ,when I lost over 4 stone in 4 months ,due to illness ,I got sick and tired of Oh not put that weight back on ,just told them to shut up ,It stopped .
People should just leave you alone ,would they like it ,hell no comes across as nagging what got my weight back up was a METATONE ,a nurse told me to get this ,but only the once .Now that was a help .Yes it's personal to you ,grown up know when to ask for advice .some just plain old busy bodies .there a pain .
I bet I will against the wave, LOL, but just do not mind about other people comments and opinions. Life is too short and too hard to care about such things. Just ignore her, there are old bats every place... Besides, BE HAPPY, so many women get fat this time of their lifes, that is a blessing to be thin, just more room for food during the Hollidays, my friend!!!
Hello sharcerv. There is one positive (amongst others I'm certain) thing about getting older and that's being confident enough to speak your mind and being basically getting away with it! Just take this lady to one side and tell her you are flattered that she is so concerned about your health but you are perfectly well thank you. Tell her that thankfully you are not suffering from that condition women of a certain age tend to suffer from ------ Middle age spread! I'm a nurse and it's a nurse her training didn't teach her as mine did........ tact and diplomacy.
How very true Thin / Fat drives me absolutely nuts ,some are obsessed with it either way ,life's to short .i only went on to Metatone ,to get nutrients I was sadly lacking ,if I was okay I'd not have bothered .No one ever mention to me about dieting etc ever they'd get told where to go fast .
This nurse why didn't she give practical advice the nurse gave me ,
I'd blow miss Nosey off next time I'd met her ,that's for sure..