So ive been suffering with depression on and off for years however it was around 5 months ago I started suffering with anxiety. Panic attacks and general anxiety is taking over my life. I feel like a completely different person. I still do things because I know it helps to get out so I go to the gym I see friends I really try. The thing is I cant deal with how much ive changed, I cant look in the mirror anymore. I hate the way I think and always constantly thinking im weird or im thinking weird things as I suffer with dissociation and intrusive thoughts. I hate how I wasn't like this a couple of months ago, how the smallest of day trips is like a massive thing. Im so fed up. Im on medication propranolol and citalopram bit have to wait another month or so for therapy. I cant deal with these feelings any longer. Ive completely had enough. Ive had to have time off work sick I had a note for two weeks but went back yesterday and I have another four weeks. I feel like a complete failure, I also have a 5 year old daughter and I feel like such a crappy mum right now. I wish I could feel positive, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, liz.
Hi Liz, try the therapy but if that doesn't work try a drug called Pregabalin, it is a fairly new drug for chronic anxiety and it has shown pretty impressive results. I wouldn't take much more than 100mg a day as I found more than that to be too much, even though the most you can take is 300mg for anxiety. Don't worry if you are stuck with anxiety for a long time because it takes a long time to get better, I've had it for years. Hope this helps, also if you do choose to take the Pregabalin then just come off of it 25mg or 50mg at a time to be safe as the withdrawals are quite unpleasant!
You are not a failure. Anybody put in your situation would feel the same way, but, if I may say, you are dealing with it in entirely the wrong way. The more you hate how you are and the more you fight it, the worse it will get. Your resistance is what is feeding it. Relax and accept it and it will go away. It seems counter-intuitive but this is what all the anxiety experts say. It is a 'fight or flight' automatic system in your body. If you run away from and avoid it (flight) it will increase the adrenalin. If you resist and fight it (fight) it will increase the adrenalin. If you do nothing and ignore it, it will slowly stop pumping you full of adrenalin (which is what gives you all the uncomfortable sensations in your body and mind). If you are drowning, just float. Don't try to avoid or fight it. It doesn't work. Your mind and body are knackered from all of your over-thinking and stress. Give it a break and it will repair itself. It knows what it is doing. Just let it get on with it without interference and it will calm down and go away. So, if you really want it to go away, learn to accept how you are for the moment and learn to tolerate the uncomfortable sensations for the moment. It will go by itself. I know there must be pressure on you (from yourself) to be a fabulous mum (which I am sure you are really) but for the moment try to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break and accept that for the moment you will be a 'good enough' mum, because all that pressure and beating yourself up about it will just make the anxiety worse. You are feeling a failure because you have set yourself too high a standard and , at the moment, you do not have enough energy or resources to meet them becuase all your energy is being spent in overthinking and fighting the anxiety. We are changing all the time, Try to accept how you are as a temporary 'blip' in your life. You will be yourself again once the anxiety has gone. Beating yourself up doesn't help. Accept yourself for beating yourself up (none of us are perfect) and move on. Try not to give it any attention and forgive yourself when you do. Say to yourself, aloud, 'Loopyliz, I love you'. Do this every day even if it sounds stupid. Give up the fight and be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself. This isn't hippy talk, this approach really works. Love and hugs.
Do you have anyone to talk to and let off steam with? That often helps improve situations. I am sure you are doing your best as a mother so don't despair.
Richard