Dealing with my problem...Help me reconnect with reality

Mental health
1

Its rather ironic that I come on to a website to discuss my anxiety and I can even set up an account because of it!!!

Well, when I came on here half an hour ago, I was in a must worse state than I am now. I have calmed down somewhat, however I am still on edge.

I have been suffering from social anxiety for quite some time now. I am in a toxic relationship and this is largely the cause of my anxiety. I have started CBT in the past few weeks and it seems to be helping quite a bit, but my partner is using it against me to control me. We were discussing my session this week and I explained to my partner that I am required to keep a worry diary, and one of the issues I jotted down was that I was anxious about having to log into the new phone system at work. It’s nothing major, but she used it against me the following morning and reminded me how useless I am because I can’t even log into a phone system at work. Yeah, it’s nothing, but it was my problem, and she was being very cruel by doing that.

Anyway, on Friday, she was shouting at me once again in the morning and I ended up at work, not being able to concentrate all day. I asked her 31 times (I have since counted all of the texts I sent her) to stop texting me and to leave me alone so that I could get some head space...31 times, and she was texting my personal phone, work phone, personal email and work email...Friday was a breaking point...

Since then, I have felt completely detached from reality and I cannot focus, concentrate or even remember what I did in the previous few minutes. I am very worried that I am losing it. I have told how I feel and she is, today, very understanding because she can see how low I am, but I am worried, well, I know, that it's only a matter of time before she goes back to normal.

So, the reason behind this post is because I am looking for impartial advice. She has completely worm me out and broken me. I don’t know what to do. I know that I can’t stay with her, but I am so low, that I don’t know how I can cope on my own. Despite her almost daily threats of suicide if I leave, I know she is bluffing, just to control me...

Can anyone...I don’t know...Just reassure me? Tell me that things will get better? Tell me that tomorrows session with my counselor will help?...Just even listen to what I have said...

 

2

in answer to your question, yes things can and may get better but unless there are significant changes in the low level of 'support' that you presently gain from your partner then not while you are together in a relationship. Some people are very lucky not to suffer from anxiety but still to retain the ability to have patience with others who clearly do. With the best will in the world your girlfriend doesn't seem to be capable of this. Time perhaps to involve her in answering the question "Does she want to help you help things to change, does she care enough to stick around and learn how to work with you and not against you?

 

3

I think without sounding horrible, you need to move on without the gf, concentrate on yourself, if she couldn't empathize before I don't see how she can now, just because your in a "state" partners are supposed to be there through thick and thin and try to help, or at least be honest and say they don't know what to do for the best, I think you should separate or have time out,, concentrate and sorting yourself then see how you feel with a clearer head, because it doesn't sound like she's helping at All .

4

Agreed. I know that the right thing to do is to sort myself out, seperatly, and if at some stage in the future things work again, then so be it, if not, they dont. The thing is, I have been trying to get away from this relationship for nearly two years, but I have had to put up with regular threats of suicide, which are now on an almost daily basis. And after all she has put me through, I dont feel strong enough to go at it on my own, which, I am assuming was part of her agenda, be it consciously or subconsciously. Either way, I am broken because of her. Thanks for the advice.

5

You say your not strong enough to go it alone?? Have you ever tried, ? I think you may surprise yourself and find yourself and become whole, go to the therapy, and try something like yoga, meditation, something as negative as her will only make you worse, I think if shes threatened that many times and never done anything then chances are she probably won't it sounds like its just to trap you, obviously you want out as you said you've been trying for 2 years, you both need to go your separate ways and sort yourselves out, then reassess in the future if necessary, but you probably won't want to, do you not have family/friends to help you through it, ?? As I've heard before and do strongly believe it YOU are the only one who can help YOU, I hope you find your healing and gain what your looking for.

6

Wow. You are right. You do need help, support, and encouragement. But you als need to believe in yourself above all. You are in a very toxic and abusive relationship. Sheis throwing all of thetext boo control angles at you. You MUST help yourself. Others can and wl support you but you have to have the "Courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference". You cannot change her but you can change the way you respond to her. Talk to your counselor anout this and decide how you want the rest of your life to be. She is not stable. You dis not cause that and you can not fix her anymore than she can fix you. You fear going it alone......Sweety, you are already alone. Walk...no run away from her. Cut ties. Her suicidal theeats have nothing to do with anythingthat you have done. She is sick and nees help just like you are sick and must get well. I do not believe that you can do that while you are together. Fear is holding you back. If you can face your fear, your world will start to change. Let the healing start with you. Life is to short to continue to have this verbal brow beating stealing away your spirit. You are worth the effort. You are worth loving andbeing loved. You will be ok.