Deep Depression . HELP!

Women's health
1

I am under the care of a psychiatrist, as I am trying to deal with debilitating depression. As I get closer to the end of perimenopause, my depression is getting more intense and lasting longer. The times of feeling well are more like flickers. Please tell me that it will get better. I feel absolutely numb with depression, and I am finding it so hard to keep going.

I just want to be set free from this psychological pain.

I have so many people who love and support me, so I am lucky that way.

Can anyone send some hope my way?

2

Hi bev, I know its hard I know how you feel, the depression part of it was so bad, I remember crying a lot and feeling so hopeless, I remember feeling alone and scared, I remember feeling like the life had been sucked out of me after my crying sessions, and just laying there on my bed and feeling numb as you.. It was scary and all though I still have this it is NOT as intense anymore , it lasted about six months of being really intense, and really what helped me was knowing that it cycled itself I would write down the day it starts and the day it ends during that month, I don't have periods because of hysterectomy so I would write down and just knowing oh here it comes and knowing ok it only will be lasting until this week is over is what got me through the really intense moments.. And I would allow myself to cry and be depressed and let it all out and then I would make myself do something anything to try and get my mind going in a different direction to get me through the day watch a movie go for a walk meditate do some yoga, just really anything.. I had my thyroid checked and insisted they check my antibodies to see if I had hashimotos and my levels were off the charts 1300 swinging back and forth between hyper and hypo and going through these peri symptoms at the same time was super tough, I changed my diet for my thyroid and that helped calm everything down after a while, but boy oh boy anxiety depression panic I had it all, I'm not out of woods yet I'm just doing diet and excersice but feel a lot better, not as intense every month with the depression.. Now my migraines are super intense every month.. Ugh if its not one symptom its another, and I keep telling myself if this symptom will just go away I can deal with the rest, and then the new one feels more unbearable than the previous one, definitely an awful time trying to get through all this but hang on it does calm down once it runs its nasty course and settles.. Stay strong you WILL be ok ...

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Also one more thing I would do something I use to enjoy something that I always looked forward to at home not out because I just couldn't get out I was that bad and didn't want to leave my house.. But I would make myself do a project , for me its restoring old things and making them great again, or ordering something online, I also buy and sell stuff on the internet all hobbies for me and it would just get my mind off of the low intense moments, not easy I had to push myself but I did it... šŸ’˜

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Hi bev 

I know this all too well I felt like the walls were coming in on me and such a dark cloud . 

Try and do some holistic appointments Iā€™m doing EMDR and itā€™s not taken my menopause symptoms away but has helped me deal with them.

Iā€™m also trying acupuncture tomorrow .... so just keep trying to fight this a boy is it a FIGHT !!!! 

I also workout a lot even if Iā€™m really tired Iā€™ll make myself and itā€™s tough what with all the dizziness that comes with this stage of your life .

Just be thankful you have people around you my husband moved us to this hole in the wall small town then divorced me so itā€™s been extra hard.

It wonā€™t last forever just try and find ways to deal with it until it passes. 

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Thank you SO much, Gypsy for your kind words; they mean a lot! I keep reminding myself that this can't last forever. I think what I am finding hardest is that the good days and even good moments are so few, that it makes enduring / coping with the depression really exhausting. I keep reminding myself, though, that I was happy and optimistic up until about nine months ago, and that the person I know and love will return in time.

It helps to hear that I am not alone in this experience, and that the intensity will dial down in time.

Hugs,

Bev

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Hi Bev

I am here to tell you that you will get through it. When this all started for me a year and 3 

7

Hi Bev

not sure how i started to reply then it posted ?  

Anyways i was saying that when i started this nightmare a year and some odd months ago i would have good days and very soon the bad days would outweigh the good and there were as you say only flickers of good.

It is a very slow process but i reflect back now and I am seeing that i am getting ever so slowly better, i am far from being over it but im at least making changes and adjusting to the new me.Its not the old me and i dont expect it to be because that would go against nature but im shedding the old skin (that i loved) and learning to grown into the new skin that will take time to love....   

Instead of fighting what is happening to me im just accepting it, and yes its painful because depression is overwhelming in all aspects and unless youve experienced it before (and we have and do) you dont understand. Its haunting. 

I tell myself that i am grateful to be here and to have my sons, and i will beat this. Its not going to last forever and if its a sentence that we have to do then so be it.

You will get there i know you will..the women here are amazing support, I dont know if i wou

ld have been able to get through properly much of this without hearing from other women who are struggling through this as I am

xoxox

 

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HI have been reading the story's, I am just the same , just wondering has any one been put on antidepressants, I am on prozac 10mg, not helping much

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hi gypsy can you please let me know what diet you follow am suffering too, many thanks debix

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hi I have this too.   try walking in fresh air and all things to cheer yourself up.

do you get the morning anxiety? or go to work etc?  if so that's so good. im unable to work as cant get up till mid morning most days due to anxiety and sheer exhaustion.   

apparently the depression is all part of it, I still don't understand why etc, and feel there needs to be more done and help for us for this terribl affliction.        how far along are you I am in meno. now having no period for over a year but feeling like this for over 2 years getting worse as I progress.  

good advice on here, keep going.xx

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hi susan, me too.  

I read that with hormonal depression due to meno.  no amount of anti depressant will help, which is interesting , I don't know about you but my anti depressants don't seem to work, so bearing that in mind im gong to go down the hormone, thyroid route get some proper tests that arent covered on the NHS apparently and also if they do test for thyroid the chances are they come back normal  range which isn't the case and a proper endocrinology tests etc that dig deeper will probably find a reason and treat with something else.   lots to read about it on internet.  debi

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What one are you on

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Hi Mauiblue,

Thanks so much for your kind words. I am glad to hear that you are starting to feel a bit better. I called my boyfriend at work yesterday in tears with the heaviness of the depression. He was so supportive and lovely! I just felt absolutely desperate. Then, my mood turned yesterday afternoon, and I had a lovely evening: calm, happy; it's so strange! I feel like I am living with two totally different selves.

I have heard some women say that it got really bad before it started to get good again. Sometimes, though, it is so difficult to bear.

You are right about the women on this site. I feel so supported and validated when I read their kind and insightful replies. The women here are the only ones who can understand the depth of our suffering, in the times when it gets really awful.

Sending love your way x

 

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Hi debi, I had to change my diet because I was feeling so bad with peri/menopause and hashimotos, and it just seem like everything I ate I would react to one way or another, I also have rheumatoid arthritis, so lots of joint pain to go with everything else.. So I basically follow an anti-inflammatory diet and gluten free and focus on fruits and vegetables lean meat mostly turkey, and beans legumes nuts and seeds, oil is olive , and it seems to calm everything down and keep everything in check, if I stray off my diet I suffer with joint pains and much more.. So I don't really ever stray but had to ad some things back into my diet as I was losing too much weight.. So I increased some of my fats and some cheese and paying for that now with gallbladder spasms ugggh , but if I lay off a day or two then continue then it eases up, its a real struggle to try and find the right mix but if I work hard at it my body tells me what its able to tolerate and what its not.. Do you have thyroid or joint problems with your menopause?? What are your symptoms? How's your diet?

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Hi bev, yes it will definitely dial down as you say... And then on to another symptom and the depression part will be a thing of the past, then you'll be saying to yourself oh wow these headaches are horrible or man what's with all this joint pain, or why am I so off balance and dizzy must be these crazy symptoms, they come and go for sure... ā¤

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i take 20 mg of citalopram and eliste hrt patch, vit b 12, no help from anything apart from less hot flushes im afraid.     so getting full thyroid panel done privately.

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THANKYOU BEV. It looks like you have been suffering badly for years!! I have found it difficult to explain to my loved one, but thanks to your account I have given it to him to read, along with some of your messages you have received. Gosh, I felt as if I was the only one suffering, and that I was going mad and not recognising the person I saw in the mirror anymore. I have tried everything possible that is on the market, my GP stopped HRT 3 years ago stating that I had been on it for the max. time, and really this was the downward slide, she will not put me back on it, she has now upped my happy pills, and says that I have deep depression! I had a brain scan due to my erratic behaviour but this came back clear.
Any advice from you or youā€™re followers would be grateful.
Angela.

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Hi Angela,

Thanks for your message. I know how reassuring it is to read that other women are going through the same challenges that you are; it helps to make you feel less alone. At my worst, I felt deranged, detached from others, from the world, from myself, totally hopeless and empty.

It was interesting reading my post from four months ago, as I can now see that there have been improvements for me. In the last couple of months, I am getting longer stretches of feeling well, sometimes close to a week at a time. During these periods, I am happy, productive, optimistic, and content. The symptoms are still intense, when they are here, but I can see things changing. Also, after going through this for the past 18 months or so, I am getting better equipped to deal with these episodes.

My best advice for you would be to push yourself to do all of the things that you would normally do, irrespective of how you feel. Even when I had the darkest, most horrible thoughts, I would still hike up mountains with my boyfriend or get on my bike and go for a long ride. This is your best chance to feel better, if you have any control over this situation at all. I figured that I might as well be productive, even if I felt awful. I understand how this can feel insurmountable, when you feel dead inside, but it is the only sane thing to do. Even if these activities did nothing to lighten my mood, at least I could look back on the day and have a sense of pride in my accomplishments.

I would also say to have a short period in the day where you can just cry and let everything out, if you need to. I would hike up a local mountain with no one else around, and I would often cry and scream and hug trees most of the way up. Itā€™s a release.

Another strategy is to tell yourself ā€œthese feelings will passā€ because they will. Nothing stays constant forever. Also, remind yourself that this is just a phase in your life, and the only way to get through it is to keep walking.

The other thing that I have done is posted a calendar on the fridge, and I cross out the days. It shows me that time is passing, and each day gone is a day closer to the end.

You will get there, guaranteed, just keep moving forward.

Feel free to reach out to me at any time.

Hugs and support,

Bev xo

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Hi Angela

It looks as though you are a very new user here on the forum!

As Bev said, you will find support, and get through this.

If the hrt was working then can you go to another doctor who will prescribe it as it sounds like you were ok until you went off it.
How old are you now?

Ive tried several things, maybe not as thorough as i should have, lexapro for10 days and couldnt tolerate it anymore. Which antidepressant do you take and do you feel that its actually helping?
You are not alone, and if you showed your husband other peoples suffering im sure now he undertands that its real phenomena.
If you read other peoples posts which im sure you will, you will see that you are not alone.
Push yourself to do things despite how you feel. Exercise even if you have no energy (like myself). Just keep going.
ive two teen boys to look after and am alone, with no support so its a non issue, meaning i just go forward no matter what!

We are here for you. Lots of lovely ladies that understand.
xoxoxo

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HI I am going g through alot of the same age 58, on Citalopram 10mg, itā€™s been hard this year no holidays, are you on medication at all, whatā€™s your age as I think mine is alot to do with the menopause,