Deep desires and purpose in life

Mental health
1

Hi,

I'm 43 and I'm going through a huge struggle after a painful break up and many other cuncurrent things that have happened in the last 2 years, causing all my affection to evaporate within 6 months.

In June I had a big break down but now I feel that I'm slowly recovering, at least some anxiety seems to be fading away a little and I'm a bit calmer.

Not been overwhelmed by anxiety, at least at moments, I'm starting to reflect on my life, where I am, where I want to go and I'm finding particularly difficult to aknowledge what I desire, what I want.

Do you think that this is something that needs to be worked out or will it come with more time as a natural process of the recovery?

I certainly crave for some change, but I don't really know in what direction to channel my attention and efforts. 

In the last 6 months I've made myself incredibly busy. I've a part time job, a business, a full time university course and a dog. Been busy has been good, giving me no time to sit and be miserable, but it is also giving me no time to think about myself. I don't think about ruling out any of these commitments at the moment for the fear of having too much "thinking time" and go back into anxiety.

I'm also thinking to go back home and drop everything, as I live in the UK since 2001 and I feel that it's time to go back to my family and affections. My dilemma is that in Italy, where home is, there're practically no work opportunities and I'm afraid to go back to square one, where I went away from in the first place.

I'm struggling to put order in this chaos and have a plan.

Do you find yourself in a similar position? Do oyu have any suggestions?

Thank you

Paolo

2

Maybe you should take a break and go spend some real quality time with your family. Instead of being on the go all the time. Talk to people. Meet new people. Let the negative thoughts in to. Its the only way yoh can accept whats happened and start to move on and as for going in a new direction if got and hobbies or anything you love doing try persue it. 

Thouhg i still think taking a hoilday back home to see and spend time with family is the better option. You wont be leaveing then yoy will just be taking some time for your self.

3

Sorry for spelling doing this from a phone on a bench.

4

Yes, I'm thinking to take a 2-3 months break from May-June next year and stay with family longer than the usual 1 week a year I've spent in the last 14 years.

I hope this will reconnect me with them and clear my mind a little.

As I'll have to drive down there from Scotland it'll be very expensive, especially because I don't have a car. I've to drive there because I don't want to put the dog in the hold of a plain, but I think it's worth the effort.