Defining a friend
Hi there everyone it has been a while just wanted to let you know i am doing OK.
I called to see my My friend for a cup of tea and she has a visitor staying at hers so she introduced me etc. It was one of my not so good days lol anyway after a few minutes it was obvious to me that her visitor knew all about my condition so I was a bit miffed about this as I did not even know this person. Because I was not feeling to good they both started telling me what I should be doing etc \"as if they would know\" They nagged me so much I was nearly in tears so I left leaving the tea.
A few days later I was feeling good so went out in the back garden to cut the grass and do some work there. I did a little then sat down with a cup of tea and then did some more, pacing myself. My friend came round the back and said to me. \"you must be feeling good seen as you are out here working, I expect you do not have PMR whatever that is anyway.
I responded by saying \"well you and your visitor seemed to know all about PMR the other day, what's changed since then? She said well no good me giving you advice as you would not listen. I had to point out that she knows nothing about PMR so is not qualified to give me advice etc.
I don't want to fall out with her but she is driving me crazy and I'm not sure how much more of her sarcastic comments I can take and what I can't understand me is why a so called friend can be so unkind when I am not feeling to well
Ok Rant over I hope you are all feeling well or as well as can be.
Oh sparklin - you could do without that! I'm not surprised you were posting so late, that sort of comment would certainly keep me awake seething :x
It highlights, of course, that PMR just doesn't show itself, except we know we've got it and how we feel.
There are certain so called \"friends\" I have dumped in the last couple of years -of course, I try and stay on polite terms with them, not ignore them, but not expect anything of them in terms of understanding or help. They took more out of my life than they put in, if that makes any sense!!
I suppose an agony aunt would say talk it over with \"friend\" explain how you feel etc. But that might take more effort, and lead to more strain than you feel you can cope with so don't beat yourself up about it.
It's why this site is so great - we can have a real moan and know people understand where we're at :D
Have a better day anyway, sparklin, try and forget about her unkind remarks, she's not worth it. Green granny
Dear Sparklin
How absolutely horrid for you - you could certainly do without 'friends' like that. I'm amazed you were only \"nearly in tears\" when you left....I'm sure that in those early days I would have been in floods!
I have always said I found out who my friends were when I was stuck in bed for a few months five years ago. Three of them visited frequently, prepared my lunch when hubby was at work, one rolled my hair after I eventually managed to get in the shower, another brought round homemade goodies and another ironed all Mike's shirts (clever at other things but useless at that! :roll: ). And another who lives as far away as Basingstoke even dropped everything one day and came rushing here after she rang to see how I was and I dissolved in tears at her kind question - a frequent occurrence I'm afraid in those early and painful steroid-free days in bed!
This friend of your's may never have experienced any sort of illness herself and sometimes those people have no sympathy with the suffering of other people. And, as has been said on here many times before, once on steroids and looking \"normal\", absolutely no-one comprehends what we all go through with the continuing pain/stiffness, nasty side effects from the steroids such as sleep deprivation etc. Try and dismiss her comments, Sparklin - as Green Granny has already said \"she's not worth it\" and you don't need the stress. She sounds like one unhappy person herself to me!
Chin up, Sparklin, at least we all understand.....we are all your friends! 
MrsO
Sparkling is up late, Green Granny is up early......PMR at it's best.....
Had friends like that...for years and years kept put in up with their unkind remarks and criticism. Now I am too old and with PMR on tow....could not cope with these two. So, I never get in touch with them. If they do, I am polite and very cool. They used to make me cry, and cause friction with my husband. Not anymore. I feel in charge now, and they cannot upset me, because I have rehearsed what to say if they upset me. They have no importance in my life anymore. I found out that life without them is so much better. They are a pair of PUFFED UP FROGS, and very shallow in feelings of anykind. I found far far better and kinder friends on this forum. They have helped me so much, through my worst time of pain and uncertainty. So, Sparkling, hold on in there. We are all here, and listening without unkindness or prejudice. It looks as if we are going to have a sunny day today ? ! Let's go and make the best we can of it ! :hug: Granny Moss xxx
sparklin, you are not alone as the others have said....... sadly think we have all been in this place, even with family members :roll: :roll:
I found, in the months of horrendous pain and immobility ( just like Mrs O) whilst awaiting a 'diagnosis' and things were getting worse and I spent weeks and weeks at home alone.......only TWO of my friends bothered to call round, take me out for a coffee or come and chat and offer to do the shopping etc....... the rest, conspicuous by their absence........ my sister was the worst really as she 'knows' someone with PMR who is bounding around on the beach with her grandchildren etc and I needed to pull myself together etc
Since then, the two who stood by me are still fantastic.... the others I haven't really bothered with..... still e-mails awaiting responses( note NOT phone calls!) and don't know whether I can be bothered with it all...... when the chips are down you truly learn who your friends are
My hubby, children, grandaughter and the two lovely women who stood by me ( and a wonderful next door neighbour) are the only people I need at the mo....
So my advice would be to smile and nod but not be involved...... keep her at arms length... friend, I think not!
Sending you hugs from a virtual friend who completely understands
Sparklin
Just say I find your remarks very offensive and you really upset me !! Sometimes people need to be told I have been lucky perhaps I have good friends and not come across this I still see people form my Riding for the Disabled group even though I havent been able to do it for over a year now and they invite me to Santas visit at Xmas and summer parties I meet friends reguarly each week and they have been supportive and one close friend would see something somewhere and suggest it to me
I wouldnt fall out unless you have to ( unnecessay stress for you ) !! but I would avoid
One good friend who was in hospital about 30 miles away from most of us when she had a breast removal and reconstruction with infections and was in Hospital for a month we visited on a rota system worked out amongst about 6 of us so she was never alone as she really doesent like to be alone So we all did weekday afternoons to leave the evenings and weekends free for family and people visiting from afar We carried on when she got home This was 4 years ago and we are lunching today and I know she would be the one organising it if it was one of us That is a friend not one who makes you feel worse !! So dont feel bad about it
As I have got older I appreciate friends but I also dont bother with some people I would call annoying aquaintances !!
Best wishes
Mrs G
Hi Sparlin,
Unfortunately, I think we can all claim to have had similar experiences :cry:
I was in hospital for a week before diagnosis, and my older sister never once visited, although she does live a FULL HOUR'S drive away :roll: She did phone (once) :lol:
As for friends...I had a few who drove me to appointments & called around to keep me company when family were all at work/ school, but others were conspicuous by their absence :shock: .
One particular couple really P****d me off as I visited him every day when he was in hospital for back surgery the year before I got PMR, and I drove him to all his follow up checks so that his wife wouldn't have to take time off work :roll: . I am still waiting for a visit from them....got one phone call and although I was initially very upset by their behaviour, I have come to the conclusion that they are not worthy of being called friends :wink:
My darling hubby & family have been brilliant and together with all the wonderful people on this site, they have managed to keep me sane....or as sane as I get anyway :lol:
Hope everyone has a lovely pain free day,
love, Pauline
Sparklin
If your un-feeling friend has a computer.
Do the following:
You Google 'The Spoon Theory', read it and then send the \"friend\" the link from the site. On the covering note, just say \"I thought you might like to read this\" . Say nothing about what it contains.
I did this to two people before we made the DVD. One apologised and the other has never contacted me since. Her loss not mine.
I know you said I don't understand why she is being like this, perhaps in the past you have been the strong one and now you are not so strong, she is frightened. This does not excuse her, but it could be an explanation for her insensitivity.
Stress like this, you do not need, so if you give her the chance to understand and she does not change her attitude then quietly drop her out of your life.
Dear Sparklin,
:diva:
Ditto all the above, I've said on many occasions that true friends will always be there, as much as they can, no matter what.
Even if not in body, then in thought. A few kind words cost nothing, but with some people you'd think it cost the earth ! Can you guess that I have experienced the same as you ! :x
Good job we have 'here' to let off the steam
:steam: :steam:
I do find this very therapeutic :zen:
Managing OK on the 2mg at the mo'
Best wishes to all, Julia xx
I'm absolutely shocked reading this thread just how many horrid experiences so many sufferers have had with most unfriendly 'friends'! And a couple of family members too:shock: As an only child, I always wished I had a brother or sister :!:
On a happier note, Julia, after Lizzie Ellen's good news yesterday, well done to you, too, for doing well on 2mg.! :D
MrsO
MrsO
You choose your friends, you do not choose your family. You might love them because they are family, but that does not mean you like them as people.
Poor Sparklin 
I've been so lucky with my friends (shame about my eldest daughter. I mentioned to her once, very early on, that I'd had a good day and I was, in her eyes anyway, cured :yikes: ) One of my closest friends had been battling a terminal illness for 3 years when I was diagnosed with PMR. Even in her lowest moments she always wanted to know how I felt and showed a genuine interest in my progress, a true friend indeed :angel: I'm so sorry you had this experience because a really good friend is one of life's very best gifts. Keep well.
Lizzie
PS: 2mgs Julia :magic: So pleased its going well.
I found out who my friends were (at the time) when David had cancer. It was quite a clear-out, believe you me! I was told by the priest (or, rather, his little female friend) at our church that \"it was all my lack of faith\". And as for my brother and mother - they \"couldn't cope with how ill he looked\". Our girls were 13 and 10 at the time - one little $*@& asked the younger one \"is your dad still dying\" and the depute Head at the older one's school informed me that \"what was going on at home should have no influence on her behaviour at school\" when she bunked off. Later in England I had no support at all when I was ill (either the PMR or burnout syndrome a few years earlier) and despite 10 years there I have no contact with anyone any more.
Maybe it says something about me - but I do have very good friends so maybe not. They aren't worth getting upset about - I learnt that a long time ago. It's hard at first but when you find the people who really care it makes up for the selfish, self-centred ones. If you think about it, they are inferring you are a liar. Do you really want to call them friends? :wink:
Big hugs from another of your friends who does understand what you are going through - tell them never to criticise until they have walked a mile in someone else's shoes,
EileenH
what was going on at home should have no influence on her behaviour at school\"
How appalling. I aplogise for my profession. People like that just teach their \"subject.\" Real teachers teach the children. Real doctors treat their patients. Real priests minister to their congregations needs. Real friends are there when they are needed. The others of all and no profession are too concerned with their own little patch of the universe and everything relates to and is measured by that and the sick just impinge and so are blamed for their condition.
His parents were part of the Kenyan Aisian influx, he went to Uni at 16 and did a PhD in something - had been promoted way above his rightlful place as if he didn't get a job he applied for he claimed discrimination and everyone was scared of him. His son was also at the school and totally embarrassed about his father - he was a lovely young man!
EileenH
Hello everyone here is your night owl again ha ha Thank you to everyone for all your advice and support in my time of need lol.
My friend who shall be NOW KNOWN AS VIPER ha ha . She is away for 2 weeks so I have some peace lol;; I
have tried before to tell her how unkind she is in what she says and that she can be very hurtful when she opens her mouth but it just stops her for a while then she gets depressed and I feel sorry for her.
Times are now changing as I am not well enough to pander to her unkind ravings.
Next Sat evening I am going out dancing so i am going to make myself a new dance outfit tomorrow when i come back from my daughters I am going up for sunday dinner.
Lat week the grandkids were here and Oscar who is 11 said to Kitty (9) we have to be good for nanny today as she is feeling a bit fragile ha ha At least I have the good support of my two daughters and the grand kids.
I also have a chap that I have been dating for the last 4 years he is a gem and very suportive so i guess you could say I was lucky apart from Viper lol :devil:
Good morning everyone ! I am up with a very painful shoulder (left one) Had this pain for quite a while. Shoulder clicks when I move my arm. Told doctor. Asked to see a Physeo. She said she would send letter. Heard nothing...So, telephoned Community Hospital to check if appointment had been arranged. Told, nothing about me came up on the computer. They were not busy. !...Will have to go back to doctor and make a little fuss. If I did not have the pain on my shoulder I would be so OK !...Also asked for DEXA scan. Have not had one since told I had PMR last July !....Heard nothing, yet !... .Am sure Eileen would know how to deal with all this !.... Will try and sort it next week..... Women walking out......I have been married for 65 years this August......Have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It is worrying how quickly the years go by ! Must make the most we can of everyday, as from now on it is all \"The cherry on the cake \"......Love. Granny Moss :rose:
Hello Granny Moss
You dont seem to do very well with your Dr do you !! I was referred to the physio for my knee and was phoned for an appointment within 10days to go a few days later and was very happy with the service I had no trouble with the follow up appt either .
I had my dexa scan within 6 months of restsarting the steroids I really dont know about your shoulder certain problems do have to be put down to wear and tear on the body Do you take Glucosomine Some Drs are all for it others arent I am and many of my friends also
We had a lovely day with Italian niece and nephew Took them around the Forest as its their first English memories and managed to find ponies cows donkeys and pigs out on the forest in the sunshine !! We had a lovely lunch in a pub and they saw our horses They learnt some of their first English from our horses names !! I felt tired last night as we talked so much !!
I have been married 41 years and we are great friends and compliment each other and have a lot of laughs together We have quite a few friends who have been married for that length of time or longer
Husband painting today so might do a little bit of sorting out of clothes !!!!!
Hope everyone has a good day
Mrs G