Growing up, my mama always taught me to be an individual and to be independent. However, I married a man from Nepal about two years ago. In his culture, then men are the leaders of the house (without a question). This was actually okay for me. I am very feminine and docile naturally but I fear that this patriarchal concept of marriage might be a recipe for disaster in the western world. I feel so alone! So empty and depressed. We seem to fight over the most petty things! Actually, I feel so freakin depressed that I often find myself looking up various "easy" methods for suicide. Why?? Why can't I just be happy? Why can't he just let go of His pride and hold me when I cry? I know I'm not perfect and that not everything is His fault but... without him I feel so alone. Am I too attached? Is this what love really feels like?
Go and speak to your doctor
Hi Sally,
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Having such a great mother who gave you the tools to become an individual as well as independent is such a gift.
I think in the wider sense, some, if not most relationships are cross cultural as we come from different families with different upbringings, thus seeing our worlds in different ways. At times, even siblings raised by the same care givers can view theirs differently.
In general, relationships align naturally over time however, for some relationships it can be difficult to identify and understand how others see the world in the way they do.Yours seems fundamental in the respect that it is causing arguments over the most trivial of things and of course you have the right as a human being to live your life the way you see fit as do others.
The arguments may be attributed to both of you having feelings of loss of identity on both sides which can be worked on with the help of a supportive counsellor who specialises in cross cultural marriage guidance.
If this can be arranged between both of you it will give you some hope and clarification and may ease the feelings of emptiness you feel at the mo. If you have to wait for this, please see your GP as the feelings you have are clearly taking over.
Take care
Hi Sally, sorry you are in such distress. Love shouldn't be this painful but it can take a lot of effort on both sides to make it work. It doesn't sound as if you feel appreciated & loved at the moment. Communication is the key to any relationship/friendship. Are you able to tell your husband how you feel? He might not be able to cope with hearing that you feel suicidal at times but he needs to know how unhappy you are. If you can't voice your feelings to him, could you write them down in a letter? Maybe you could both benefit from some marriage counselling to restore things to how they were when you fell in love with one another. Please don't give up hope of happiness. We are always here to listen & support you. With hugs & best wishes x
Hi being naturally feminine and docile doesn't really mean much when your partner is determined to rule the roost. Of course you are upset and unhappy. How can you have a happy marriage and an equal partnership when your man thinks and behaves like this?
You can be very feminine and independent at the same time you know as they are not mutually exclusive. I couldn't imagine any woman being happy these days in a relationship such as this. x