Hi, I'm 43. I feel so depressed and very much alone. Lately I have been having very frightening anxiety attacks - my chest hurts and my throat feels as if it is closing up. I can't sleep and I feel so desperately sad all the time. I had a very traumatic childhood and I am having flashbacks, which are hard to deal with. To make matters worse I have an extreme fear of doctors, I just can't go near them. It's such a big problem.. I'd very much like to know if there are any other people out there who have the same phobia of doctors.. Lately I feel that I don't want to go anymore. I feel so alone
I am sorry to hear you feel so low. I am just coming out of long bout of long term depression (2 1/2 years) and strongly recomment you see a Dr.
May I suggest to you write everything doen and your feelings down and take a trusted person to you appointment to the Dr. Take them into the consultation with you and they can prompt you but if you have it all written down you can litterally read it to the Dr. Any good GP would understand and help you. The longerer you leave iot the worse it will get.
Good luck!
Thankyou Justina, I'm just so terrified at the very thought of going to see a doctor. I dont have many people in my life and no-one knows how I feel. No-one knows of my childhood. I don't know what I'm going to do if I ever became ill
Rachel
It took me a long time to go go the drs and admit I was depressed. I have had depression on and off all my adult life from mild to now clinical. My partner contacted my mother last time and she came here to Sheffield where I live with my brother to see how bad I was. They went to the Dr without me and insisted that I was sssen and referred to mental health services. My brother said if she didn't he would go to the GMC! I left that surgery and transferred to another more sympathtic one. The GP there was so good and referred me to mental health services and put me on citilopram straight away.
This last time I went to the GP myself and again was given medication. I eventually was sectioned as I stopped taking it but I have gone back onto mertazapine.
Try and go to the Dr, the sooner the be the better. If you feel y you cant do that try the Samartans ( I think you can email them) or you could try Mind.Org.UK. It has a very good website.
It sounds as if maybe you could have some kind of talking thearpy and discuss your issues about your childhood.
I cant face seeing a doctor. I have looked at a couple of websites to email. if i can talk to someone through emailing it would be better. Ive never spoken about my childhood, Id find that so hard to do
Rachel
I do feel for you. I have a similar story but my dentist actually contacted my doctor when I wrote her a letter saying I coudl face coming for the fillings she told me I needed . Thankfully she noticed my depression and spoke to doctor who contacted me at home and came and saw me. Start f medication, alot of therapy, alot of stuff form past come out, and I must admit, things arent great now but can only improve. I contacted samarians on a number fo occasioned end of last year when I didnt want to carry on - coudltn talk to them but had wonderful email support from them - didnt tell me what to do but I felt really like they wanted to be there for me. U say you counldnt see a doctor, what abotu a practice nurse? would you talk to them? I am a practice nurse and I have had pateints who feel they cant go to doctors, they come and talkt o me and then we go togetehr and I help them talkt o doctor and get help. Just a thought - u need some help and some one needs to be there for /with you I'm so sorry you feel like you do - its horrible but we are all here for you and will support you with seeing someone professionally so you get some help. Take care , keep talking to us xxxxxxx
It was always drummed into me when i was a child that I would be taken away and put into a mental hospital. I was so terrified of everything to do with doctors, anything medical. Its got a lot worse as ive got older - I haven't been to see a doctor for years now,. its a fear that I cant get rid of ... Ive hardly slept and im feeling really stressed at the moment. Ive still got the heavy feeling in my chest. From what I can tell , from what ive read , its anxiety or panic. My hands are shaky. Its quite scary
Hi Rachel
I understand what u mean and I must admit I too have been concerned re the possibility of secitioning and "being locked away" but it so rarely happens unless u r a risk to urself or someone else - but yes, I understand your concern. Do you have anyone close to you who u feel comfortabel to talk to? I didnt although I have got a lttle better in last 8 months but I still avoid alot of conversations. U sound like you are havign panic attacks to a certain degree leaving u with a tight heavy chets. How long have u been like this? Do you get out to work ? I too am 43 and I can feel for you so much but u need to somehow let some one in so they can help you _ I have a problem with men after some horrible abuse in past so I found a woman doctor - I now see a male psychiatrist so that shows just how far I have come with medication and yes I was petrified , I felt so sick, so unabkle to talk before I went in, but now I feel he is the closest person on my side and is so supportive - he knew abotu my past in a letetr I write to him before I went - coudl you write to your doctor? Woudl u let them come and see you at your home where u r on home territory and U r in control? Its such a horrible situation but there r many options of help - some medication might initally make u feel able to do more but they have to know to start this up. Please please, please trust a professional to help you xxxx
applogoies for my bad typing Rachel !!!! My english isnt usually this bad lol!!! 
Rachel
Samaritans sounds a good idea or practice nurse. My GP referred me for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which helped a lot. I had a CPN as well as access to Crisis Team. You must talk to someone.
Regarding Sectioning I was sectioned 3 years ago. I did a "voluntary" section which means after 3 days you can leave. Better than an enforced one which I I think is either 21 or 28 days. It was not as bad as I thought it would be and when I was discharged I had a lot of support from Mental Health Services and still have a care co-ordinator whom I see every 3-4 weeks.
I think if you realise your panic attacks are affecting your everyday life and moods then you are half way to getting better!
Hi, I have looked at the samaritans. I need something where I can just email, so I can still feel safe. I really dont want to actually see someone in person. Its so difficult.. Im not quite sure they do that, but im hoping they do
There is a book on CBT which was loaned to me a a CPN whilst I was in hospital and I did the exercises. I can't remember the name but I will see if can find out what its called and post the title here. Its a self help book and very understandable and easy to work through.
Thanks Justina, that would be a help.. Books I can deal with....
Link to the book, Mind over mood
Hi Rachel08,i am a 42 yr old female and i know wot it feels like 2 b on your own and the issues u have with the GP i was the same i never went 2 c any 1or spoke 2 any 1 at all untill it was almost 2 late. I had been suffering with server depression 4 at least 12 years and never told any1 wot i was doin goin through the thoughts everything( i didnt no at the time i was so ill). I 2 had a bad childhood passed around and never talked or trusted any and was abused. I had 2 learn 2 fend 4 mysel as i had no1 2 turn 2 so i used work as an escape i was a head chef and worked 60 plus hrs a week so i didnt have 2 face up 2 my demonds. It was 6 years ago next week i had a break down ( best mate comited cuicide) and i had 2 get help i left it 2 long like u i was terrified of lettin any1 into my space or takin me away. I am on meds and i c a pycologist 2 hours a week for 3 years now and it helps im not goin 2 say im fixed and ok but i wish i had the strenghth 2 do it earlier. i still do have issues with GPs but am gettin use 2 it. I find that helps is i wright things down 4 my gp or my pycologist if i find things 2 hard and they can read it. I am also in touch with the local crissis team 24/7. Sorry 2 go on so much i know how hard it is but it sounds like u need 2 get help i left it 2 long and have been in some very dark and terrifying places and if i can help any1 going 2 places iv been i hope i can. Even if u can right a letter and get it 2 your GP and ask if they can call u and tell them how u doin over phone so u not face them and if it feel ok arange a home visit but please do think about it dont do as i did u will regret it.
Take care u not on your own we do understand. xx
Hi, you have almost described my life up until the psychology part. I appreciate your message so much, it gives me some hope that maybe I can get some help.. It's taking that first step - and finding someone who is kind. I'm feeling so fragile at the moment, and I have such big rejection issues, so I have to find someone who is sympathetic.. I say this because I know that our local GP is known for being very severe and unfriendly... All I've done is cry today - I've felt like I'm falling to pieces. I've got to get my head round all this. I'm a bag of nerves.. Thank-you so much for telling me all this, and it is good to not feel so alone x
Rachel do u live on your own? I can understand the crying thing- why dont u email Jp@the samaritans - its email and they will support you and make suggestions and it really helps to know and listen to someone - i coudlnt talk to them but email support really kept me going. I really feel for you - its a horrible place to be and despite medication, I still have days when I am in that same place - lonely, isolating, dark, unable to see beyond BUT thasnk to medication I also have days when I am glad to be alive - keep going, its a temporary thing and def dont see a GP who isnt sensitve and reassuring - dont u have one who is approachable and nice? take care xxxxx You are not alone in this x
Hi, I'm married, but my husband doesn't know anything of my past. He's never had any sympathy for people who dwell on the past and he'd be so scornful if he knew how depressed I was. He knows I'm not right but he thinks it's a virus. He'd never understand. If I could just contact the samaritans by email alone I think I could do that. I just don't want to talk to anyone yet, and I definitely don't want to see anyone.. I don't know of any nice doctors, but that's not to say there aren't any.. thank-you for this x
Rachel r u able 2 c a practice nurse and tell them how u feelin they do have a little more control over a Dr 2 recomend u 2 c if they no wot its about and they can put the Dr in the picture 4 u 2 make it a little easier on u.The nurses tend 2 b a little more sensetive and will listen 2 u. While u r in such a fradgile state u dont want 2 b makin any rash disisions and putting yourself in any dificult or distressing situations this will only make things worse. If the emailing is helpping u need 2 talk 2 some1. As 4 the tears and falling apart iv had 1 of them day 2day and still have quiet alot. Is there anything u find calms u down at all?. I dont no if u live on your own or not but i use 2 turn the house around empty draws and do ironing housework redecorate at night if i cant sleep i have 2 fight the anxiaty and do something. I hope u do get the support u need, when ever u feel like sounding of or need 2 talk plenty of us here 2 listen and we no wot its like.
Take care happy 2 talk if u want 2.xx
Hi.I can't go near anyone who has something to do with the medical profession - Im so bad with this.. I was never allowed to show any emotion, so all the crying I'm doing now is quite scary for me. I live with my husband, but he knows nothing of all this. Keeping my mind occupied does help a lot, but today has been a day when I havent been able to do anything.. Thanks so much, you've all made me feel a bit better, I don't feel so alone now xx