So I'm 25 and I've had depression for as long as I can remember. Recently I left my long term job to try something new and I hate it. Before I realised I hated it I noticed I was struggling massively with anxiety along with self harming and avoiding social situations. I'm now stuck in this job feeling hopeless. I feel sick every morning at the thought of having to go in, I think about what would happen if I just threw myself in front of a bus. I appreciate this isn't all job related as o have these thoughts anyway but this job seems to amplify these thoughts. I can't afford to leave but whilst I'm there I can't seem to find the energy to apply for a job. My partner is worried about me and money though if I leave. The company is so small that if I have time off there is no one to cover or anyway of avoiding the awkwardness when I return. Has anyone else felt like this? It's Sunday morning and I woke up feeling terrified that I have work in less than 24 hours so now I'm going to ruin a Sunday with my family worrying.
Hello!
I am 22 years old and I am in the exact same situation.
I worked part time and didnt enjoy my job,but I managed to do it with minimal problems. So i thought it was time to go into something new and full time.
BIG MISTAKE..
I ended up feeling physically sick, I wouldnt eat,wouldnt sleep, cry all day. My panic ttacks were longer and stronger. All I could think about was if I killed myself it would solve my problems. All i wanted to do was hurt myself.
I live with my partner,and money was also an issue here. However, after an appt with my GP, it would become apparant that I was unfit to work. I am now signed off for 2 weeks. However I will not be returning. My parnter and I discussed it, and he will take over bills until I am feeling better.
Remember to put your health first. I hate the thought of not working, and not having my own income. But if you can, take some time off- you need to get yourself better. Dont make yourself unwell. I know exactly how you feel, and I know its easier said than done, but I'd go to your GP,and maybe get a sickline. During that time you could look for other work, or you could take that time to relax. Maybe just some time to recharge your batteries will be all you need to feel a bit better.
Also, have you tried beta-blockers? Theyre great for anxiety. I have propranolol and if im ever anxious they really do calm me down.
Life is short,dont live it being miserable. Your health is important, dont put everything else before it.
Wish I could be of more help- but youre not alone. I feel the exact same way and the only thing that has calmed it down was my sick line, and my partner offering to keep us going until I am better.
Good luck x
Loljane, this has happened to me, too.
I thought I'd made a wonderful choice and as soon as I started the job, I hated it. More than that - like you, I just didn't want to go to work at all.
I didn't self-harm, though, my love, and that is what is worrying me about your post.
I also didn't feel terror. I was just fed up with myself for being so stupid to take this job. It was near our house, so I could walk there, it was a promotiion - but - I hadn't realised all the things that made it NOT MY JOB.
I was selected for Jury Service while I was there. The Senior Nurse said she could get me out of it.
No, I thought - I don't want to get out of it! I hope I get picked for a trial that lasts months! Anything t get away from that dumb little hospital.
I enjoyed the Jury Service - but all good things come to an end.
Eventually I applied for other jobs. I didn't care if they were a grade lower.
Anything was better than the job I was in.
Loljane, I understand about the money side of things, but your mental health is being destroyed by this job.
You must have an honest discussion with your husband, tell him the absolute truth, then go to your GP and see if you can get signed off indefinitey with stress. In the meantime, you look for another job.
You sound intelligent and i am sure there will be a job of some kind waiting for you.
Nothing. Nothing is worse than having to get up every day and go to a job you hate and which causes you so much distress!
Let us know what you decide to do, Loljane. We understand where you're coming from.
Chrissie
Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply.
I've saved reading them until just before bed in the hope that they'll be positive 
I'm dreading tomorrow but I applied for a couple of jobs today which is a step in the right direction (I hope!)
I know tomorrow will be awful and I already feel sick thinking about it but I suppose I have no choice realistically. I'm due back at the doctors in a few weeks so maybe I'll speak to them then but I probably won't as I hate sounding workshy.
I just wish there was something more fulfilling and enjoyable to do. We spend most of our time working and I hate that this is hindering my happiness even when I'm not there.
I'm definitely going to make the conscious effort to apply elsewhere though.
Thanks again for taking the time. It means a lot