This is my first post here, I needed somewhere to talk about what troubles me.
I am 20 years oldmale currently studying law at university. I've been suffering from various bouts of depression since around 15-16 always on and off.
The first of my causes for how I am is that I'm still a virgin, constantly getting the p*ss taken out of me for it. I am just useless with women in general, I try to get women to like me but I just end up getting rejected. There's one girl in my life who means the world to me, she's my best friend and I'm her's, I've tried to get her to like me but to no avail despite some flickers of intent from her sometimes. From all this it just makes me feel sh*t about my self, like I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, id say I'm a great guy, I'd never cheat on a girl, I try to be romantic best I can, I feel I'm going to be alone forever. I feel particularly lonely in times like Christmas when I see everyone else with their loved ones, for once I wish it was me also.
Other reasons for me feeling down is that iworry about the future, once I leave uni, I'm so used to being in education with a schedule, I'm simply not ready for life, I'm from a poor family so I can't afford a car or anything that aids me getting a job now. I'm trying but keep getting rejected.
As for my family life well I feel I don't fit in there, my dad has always valued my brother more because he's just like him, I'm the opposite. My mum is ill a lot but she's great to me, non of my family is that close.
There's more things that bring me down but these are the main ones i guess, my life just seems hard all around with no one to share it with, watching everyone else get what they want and I have nothing. At my worst I have felt like dying, self harming (I made a promise to my best friend aforementioned that I wouldn't anymore, haven't since). Apologies for the rambling and poorly written but motions started taking over me
Reading your post feels like my eldest son, 31 had written it. He's never even kissed anyone, but would love a girlfriend. His younger brother now 28 had the lot
clever and advanced from an early age
the gift of the gab
good looking - did some modelling whilst at uni
lucky
and more importantly was his dad's golden boy who could never do anything wrong
The 31 year old had slight special needs at school, but he's had a job since he was 17. He was bullied at school, whilst his brother was top dog who soon got even and made some of the bullies frightened to go to school, even though he was 3 years younger.
ive always had to stick up for the eldest, often against my husband which caused huge rows between my husband and I.
anyway back to you. Someone will come along and maybe she may be the one. I feel so sorry for you as life is unfair. When I see my eldest trying desperately to please his dad and tries to make conversation with him and not even getting a reply, it breaks my heart. The one comment which sticks in my mind is hearing my own son saying "dad doesn't like me because I'm thick and Andy's got a degree like dad"
please dont one give up and you are certainly not alone. If things don't improve, I would go back to your GP and see what he suggests. Good luck and stay on the forum where you will support and advice.
Patrick I PM you something later but hang in there. I am sure with some thought you can think this thru differently.
Hi Patrick,
I can relate in many ways. I come from a poor family with completely different value system than mine and we don't understand each other. It hurts, but the most important, I guess, is to remember that the family bond is strong, no matter how you get along or understand each other. Your family will always be there for you and this is all you need to know.
You study law at the university so it is quite possible many of the people around you come from wealthy families. I also studied at a posh university and it was unbearable to see how spoiled some "kids" were while I had to work as a waitress in the weekends just to make ends meet. However, working as a waitress gave me a new perspective; there are a lot of people who have close to nothing and no prospects for life. So, hang out with other people if you can't stand your peers. And remember that you are in a group of people studying law at a university. It is privilege and think of that to boost your confidence. You soon will be educated person with a law degree; how awesome is that?!
About jobs and rejection- believe me, it deosn't happen only to you, there is nothing wrong with you! In this market people do get rejected multiple times before they get what they want. Try to make a learning experience from each interview; ask for feedback.
And about love... there is no point thinking what qualities you have. I belive you are a great guy but this is not how it works. If there is no chemistry from your friend's side there is little you can do. Also, don't think about being virgin or not- in few years what difference will it make? Thinking about it just gives you distress and maybe even makes you deperate when hitting on women (?). Just relax, focus on your studies because it is a big deal and with love- it always comes unexpeced.
xx