My ex (we broke up yesterday), was my best friend for 9 years through the years and distance. After what seemed like fate, we reconnected recently a few months ago and sparks flew immediately. We admitted we had feelings for each other over the years and that he had always loved me and compared his interests to me and my character. Over the years, we had always confided in each other with the deepest of things and genuinely encouraged and supported the other. Looking back on the messages a few months ago..i realized we really cared for each other profoundly.
We fell in love quickly and deeply and he was the one pursuing and leading the relationship. Due to some regulations in our jobs..he’s military..he was willing to get out ASAP just to be with me. He had been doing this the last few months..doing everything in his power to get out by December 30th because it was not only his dream...but he knew this was the only way for us to be together openly and asap. I am currently abroad for work for the last 1.5 months(and we were long distance anyways in the relationship), but i noticed a change in him. I noticed in the last 1.5 week, he distant and preoccupied. He was not the thoughtful, invested person he was just recently-not even my best friend anymore. He had told me JUST a few days prior how in love he was with me and i was the reason he was making these changes for (of course for his future, but i was the catalyst...otherwise he woud've waited another year or so and not pushed to get out of the military).
I brought up the fact that i felt his distance and that he was pushing me away. He admitted that he was depressed and then I said that maybe i needed space too so it didnt affect me..one thing led to another and we were skyping.
He's been trying to separate since he's military so we could be together and also since his dream was to finish college. It's been hard since they haven't give him orders and he's been super stressed since if they do it last minute he'll have to get an apartment,find a job,etc within like 2 weeks.anyways..he's been very distant the last 2 weeks and pushed me away but wanted to be in a relationship..it hurt me so we got into more and more fights.he admitted that he's had depression..hasn't been working out,going out, been very negative and eating junk food-he's a health freak.anyways,for the last 2 months and up to last Saturday he told me how in love he was with me,that he would drop his dream job for me, etc. and yesterday although I brought up maybe getting space and starting to feel indifferent because he's been so distant ..he started saying "you're right" I'm not right for you,you deserve better." and mentioned that he wasn't happy.etc..I stopped him and said no..if this is what you want you do it since you've been distant.anyways..he said maybe his feelings changed and he didn't want it and he's been very distracted and down and that I didn't help. He told me if I were the right person I would've helped him change how he feels and brought the best out of him. So since I didn't change how he feels I maybe am not right for him.he completely changed from what he had told methat he wasn't in love anymore, just about 3 days after he told me he was falling head over heels for me --and we've known each other for so long..I'm so confused.i know it was stressful but what do you think happened?
He started crying at the end and said he's never loved or felt this way about anyone and that's why it's hardest and he's never hurt this much. I've never been this confused or heartbroken. He also said he never wanted to put his job before me but that without even getting there that even the pursuit of his job he put before me but that he did. He said i deserve better...I just don't get it. Is this indicative that he truly fell out of love with me in a matter of a few days...or maybe never really loved me? it seemed so final for a man who called me the love of his life, told me our lovestory was something out of fairytales and one who I have KNOWN so deeply as a friend--an intimate friend before dating.
I just don't know what he has told me what is BS may be an excuse...like the "you deserev better.." line. I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do and although I know he has struggled with depression in the past...I just feel hurt and like he is blaming me. I don't know if we can be friends right away although he hinted at seeing me soon in December when he would be near my town. Any thoughts would be very appreciated. I lost my best friend and although I know I came of as needy (especially not understanding until it was too late that he was so depressed), I"m wondering if it was over in his heart and he happened to be depressed or it takes over and makes other's judgement clouded. Basically, from what I have said...does it seem like there is any hope?
Thank you