I am trying to have a more positive life, trying to be good to myself and healthy, I had a very good day today and have had lots of thoughts about things I want to accomplish, but then I get home and see my husband sitting on the couch as usual stuffing his face as usual, sink full of dishes things to be done and I get upset, angry and depressed all over again and lose my motivation, I just don't know what to do when this situation comes up.
HI. I am Vinh. Could you tell me more about your situation?
Hi Vinh,
My situation is just utter frusteration. I live with a man who refuses to discuss anything out of his comfort zone, he says he's not depressed but has put on an extra 100 lbs and does nothing but sit on the couch and eat when he comes home., oh besides that he does take the frequent trips to the garage to smoke weed. He does work and that job is the most important thing to him. They make him feel important I guess I don't. He doesn't have any get up and go unless it's going to work. We have traveled quite a Rocky road within the past 5 years and I guess I'm just done. I have 4 adults and 1 15 year old child living in this house and not one of them cares about how it is maintained. So if I don't do it nobody will. I'm stuck with no way out as of yet.
Hi Dawn I know that frustration. I wish that I knew the answer but I don't. I was able to maintain the home and a lot of the chores around the home and pay all the bills and maintain anything with money. What I could not do was figure out how not to have a resentment. I prayed for him I prayed for the situation. I went to individual counseling and group counseling. I got better he did not I got a divorce. I just knew that if I changed me enough that I could accept him and the situation as it was after 28 years but I became physically ill and was forced to face things as they were not as I wanted them to be. I'm not telling you to do that I'm just saying that maybe you can get some therapy and find some solutions for you. Diane
What would happen if you didn't maintain things? I don't see why with 4 other adults in the house that you have to be the one to look after everyone. If you are doing it then there is no reason for them to is there? Do they know how much you resent it? Have you told them things must change (not nagging as that doesn't achieve anything).
I would tell them this then make a rota of jobs that need doing and allocate them out. It won't be easy at first but it should help in the longer term.
The other option is to ignore it all and just look after yourself if you can do that. I would tell everyone first that you are not doing it all in future. Good luck. x