Depressed, falling to pieces. Somebody please listen...

Mental health
1

Hello, I dont expect anybody to truely care about me on here but i'm using it as a place to let out my thoughts. I feel trapped inside myself and lost.

I've been on the road to depression for a year now and feel i'm there. My fiancée knows, her family and my mum and dad. This hasn't really helped though. I'm battling a eating disorder also. I went to the doctors, I was referred to a mental health specialist but I didn't ring within 10 days so when I did ring they sent me away. I couldn't believe it.

I get teary and suicidal thoughts daily always wanting to leave this hell behind and think death is the only place I will find my peace. The only thing stopping me from taking this further is my love of my life who I cant put through the pain. I know she will feel worse afterwards then I do now. But the pain I feel is like something inside me trying to get out. This is not living. This is being. My parents think they hold all the cures and are unable to just listen to me.

I'm slowly crumbling as a person. I just want to hide.

2

Don't even think anyone doesn't care and don't ever think your alone . Firstly can I just ask why you feel this way to every feeling there is a root problem or a trigger . Talk to me I am here to help

3

I DO REALY CARE ABOUT YOUcheesygrin.

You sound quite young, maybe teens or early 20's.  The problem with depression is it makes you not able to get your act together so easily.  I know because I've been where you are so many times.  I think you realise that suicide is not the way out it can appear to be.  So please don't do that.  I think you should get an emergency appointment with your GP and explain what's happened and that you couldn't help not getting your act together in time.  They will re-refer you, put reminders on your fone and make sure you keep the appointment.  The specialist team can really help you.  It could be a long slog, but I JUST KNOW YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!!!  I don't know about eating disorders, but if you can eat something,it will help,  as lack of food can make us very low.  Try your best to love, approve of and take care of yourself.  Good luck!

4

I've thought long and hard about the triggers. I wish I knew for sure. My eating disorder maybe, bulimia. Perhaps growing up being made to feel the 'trouble child' out of 4 boys, I just have a very low self esteem. My self portrayal is very low and thats where my bulimia starts. I feel a failure. Its all well and good people telling me i'm not but if I dont believe it then they can say I'm the president of america. I know i'm not.

5

I'm 25. The Doctors have let me down repeatedly since a young age. I no longer trust them. So much so the last time I visited I questions the GP's reasons for turning up to work each day. Its difficult. I used to be so happy. Almost too happy for some. Now My only sanctuary is being alone with my cats. Leaving the house is a big thing. I am currently on holiday and should be enjoying my time off work. Instead I am teary and fighting my emotions

6

I'm sorry to hear this, we are here for you, this website is helping me, especially when I feel that I can not go on. I have made such good friends on here, never thought I would. We all care for each other's, never forget we are here.

7

Thank you. It is already a massive relief. I am sat here refreshing the site hoping for a reply. An impartial view from someone who understands is all I need. It is so difficult. My partners is the most beautiful person I will ever wish to meet, but she does not know how to help me and I dont expect her too.

8

I don't know if you have seen the clip about the black dog, it is so spot on, maybe you could show your partner, maybe just to understand a little. We all know hard life is, so you can anything and wouldn't shtick anyone. Just promise me that if you feel really bad, think to come on her first, there always someone around. Don't know if you know but there is a message area, where you can talk privately, I'm here anytime. I'll send you a message so if you need me you have got it there. I'll try and post about the black dog for you. 

9

Hello, I'm listening...you say this has been going on for a year so what triggered it?  Work, relationship it had to be something and only you know what that was. What help if any are you getting for your eating disorder - the disorder could be adding to the depression or perhaps it was the start of the depression only you know the answer.

Go to your doctor again, it means you can't afford to hide. Remember you want to help yourself and in turn help your girlfriend. Speak openly, he or she will have heard it or something like it before and they are there to help you. You may need anti-depressants and/or psychiatric help. Take whatever is on offer, if you're referred to anyone again ring straight away...if you don't call within the time period they will put you down as a time waster and not interested in their help.  Good Luck.

10

I want you to know I understand sometimes I feel low like I cannot be asked to go on. But I want you to do something for your self? I want you to wake up every day and say something nice to yourself even if it's small I want you to look in the mirror and say something nice to yourself and then go from there. Once you do this you will grow inside and out. Is there anybody close to you that you can talk to ? Sorry I have taken long to reply . Even if I take long I will reply I am here for you .

11

I wouldn't know where to start with good things. I will try. I will struggle to fill a week though. And the rest of the day is full of negatives. I dont want drugs forced on me. If theres one thing I am its a fighter and I want to beat it by myself. I have told family. It hasn't really helped though. Its almost as if they forget within a week

12

Tibidabo

If your suicidal you really should seek medical help, they can these days really help you get it under control. And whilst your a fighter the is no shame in getting medicine to help. If it was cancer you have chemotherapy right ? So why not for help with depression ?

13

You will struggle at first but then it will roll off of your tongue in your mind even if you jus say your hands are beautiful there beautiful to you and you love them . When you feel negative try and have a bath and close your eyes and think about being born , breathing and your relationships and your future! Think about all those positive things by the time you open your eyes you will feel like your on cloud 9. Please try this.

14

Thanks Louise. What you say I can relate too. People just telling me to go to my GP aren't any help. I cant do it and maybe that means my fate is written in the cards but so be it. I will try your techniques. Thanks for your time. Sometimes I wish my mind was a little less active. It never stops.

15

That's ok let me know how you get on and if your out and you feel negative just concentrate on when your home and you can put it behind you and close your eyes and concentrate on positive thoughts and how beautiful you are!!! Keep in touch !!

16

Hi I completely agree with going back to the doctors.   It is your choice whether or not to have meds - no one is going to 'force' them on you.   Also seek counselling.   If you had a physical illness would you turn down help?  Would you suffer through the pain when you can have relief?   Depression is just the same as any other illness,  sometimes you just need a little help.  Wouldn't it be worth it to start to feel better?  

I do understand what you are saying and how you feel - I do truely but I am not sure you are going to get better without help.   You might do but why suffer in the meantime?   Get the number again and call within the 10 days.  Reach out for help please.   x

17

I can assure you that I and many others on this forum care about you.  We care about each other.  We give support to each other because we know what depression feels like.  Please don't think nobody here cares.  We all do.

Depression takes away so much from us.  We have to battle on.  Honestly we all know exactly what you are feeling now.  I have been there many times.  Been years and years I have battled depression, but I won't let it beat me.

I am glad you are able to discuss it with those people closest to you.  It is not an illness to face alone.  We need all the support we can get.

Please get on to the doctor again and ask for a new referral to the mental health team.  Keep asking for help.

18

Thanks Anne. Its a deceiving illness. Your good days can make you believe everything is ok and maybe its going/gone. And then one small thing, like a puncture on the car or something out of the ordinary and everything just breaksdown mentally. Everything feels so hard. I will try the doctors again. Thanks,

19

Dear Tibidabo12,

I have been reading through all the lovely postings sent to you . I would agree with most of what the posters are saying to you about not being forced into taking prescibed medicaton,

However it seem to have slipped the notice of these lovely people ,you say you do NOT trust Dr`s.

It is also a fact ,good though some Dr`s are ,they only ever treat your symptoms,they don`t` ever look for and then begin to treat the root cause of the problem you are presenting them with .

I know a bit about this too,because at different times ,they have either not connected with the problems of different problems my family had.

On one occasion all the records of one of my family were lost and never recovered ,and similar things have occurred since then ,so my faith and trust in Dr`s is now very limited ,of course I know all are not the same ,however when you have these things happening more than the once /twice times,it does nothing to restore your trust in them .

Myself ,I use complimentary remedies ,I do not advocate people not seeing their Dr`s,or to not use prescibed drugs ,after seeing their Dr,it has to be their own choice to do so.

Dear new found friend ,all I can say is that I fully understand your reluctance ,I wish you and your Fiancee well, and as has been said ,please do keep in touch with us ,and if you do wish to chat in private ,then please message me .

Take Care

millyimp1322

20

Hi, I have had depression for 7 years now after the birth of my daughter.  Its awful, like someone has taken over your emotions and is calling the shots.  I was asked when I recently looked forward to something and I realised I don;t anymore.  I just feel relieved when the day is over and pleased I have got through it.  Search on line for a depression alliance group near you.  There will be other people there really struggling and it would be good to see you are not alone and pick up tips on how others get through it. I do feel though that depression is like living life under a cloud or going through life dragging sand bags around as everything is such an effort.  Look at how many people reply to you.  You are so not alone.  Depression is a very lonely illness.  The worse it gets the more we avoide people and hide away on our own.  I have two cats too.  They are great and seem to come for a cuddle when they know I am having a rough day.  Thanks God for Cats!  Georgia