Depressed

Mental health
1

My wife left me after she had an affair. It's a year later and I still have issues coping with it. Anyone els have this issue.

2

Hey Steve:

#1:  I recognize your pain.  That must have been -- and still must be -- VERY, very painful.

I guess we are all "built" differently.   And it totally makes sense that you are hurt -- and it makes sense that your ability to cope has been a struggle.

All I can share is what I have done in a similar situation:

1.  I feel the pain.  And hope it dissipates as time goes by.  I avoid alcohol or drug abuse so I can feel the pain.  Thus -- the pain can subside -- if I allow myself to really feel that pain.

2.  I try to be contrarian and pray for the person(s) who hurt me.  When I pray for the "offender(s)" their power over me begins to dissipate.  The contrarian or awkward act of wishing the person(s) the best reminds me that they are possibly sick children of God -- just like I may be.

3.  I try to forgive myself for any mistakes or hurts I may have made.

4.  I get physically active:  a simple walk around the block every night or every morning.  The British call walking a "ramble."  A ramble can work wonders.  And -- I notice the weather, the sounds, the scents.  I try to get in the moment and notice things around me.  

5.  I look for volunteer situations:  spend a Saturday at a homeless shelter and help others in some small way.  Feed them, talk with them.  Or spend time with the lonely and elderly at a hospice.  Somehow volunteer to help others.  You still have value -- and volunteer work can remind you that you are valuable.  

Hang in there!  

Best,

Chip

 

3

Thanks Chip I'm hanging In there. We were married 20 years. Sometimes you do nothing wrong . And there is just no way you can figure it out , I think that is my struggle.

4

Unfortunately, I'm sure it's fairly common. Being betrayed by the person you are closest to is unbelievably hurtful. It doesn't have to be an affair, it an be other forms of betrayal. Getting served divorce papers by your partner unexpectedly (I have been) really hurts. Even decades later I can still feel the sense of utter betrayal. You never get over it.