depression 4 years scared frighten lost

Hi for  almost  4 years  now  I have been  ill with what doctors  say is depression    but I am not sure  I think its   more  .  My  ex partner  of 20years   finish   with me  I  also  lost my  home, my  job ,and a lot of  friends .  it  has  stop me  living  because  now  everything is look at  i see the past  and the past  all what I lost which was my world  is on my mind 24/7  I am  now  struggling to get by  each day  I can not cope  I still want to live  but  can't live without my past  I feel  alone  scared  frighten  that  I won't  be able  to go on  I am a man  in is  50s  but  feel like a little boy  I have been living  back at my parents   which is hard for all of us  I have a chance to  go stay with  best mate  if I can  beat  some of this illness. Which doctors say is depression? Do  any  one  relate to my  problem.

Hi Nige. Yes I can relate to having depression that steals your happiness and your ability to function well in the world. As I read your email one thing kept running through my mind. Has a psychiatrist or counselor ever mentioned you possibly being bipolar? Have you had therapy. I have and it changed my life but it is not a fast fix it takes time. And now while you are living with your parents might be a good time to try it. What do you think it? Diane

Hi Diane  thanks  for your reply  no one told me it might be biplar  it's funny cos someone I know got biplar  but they don't  think  or live in the past  like me I just can't   move on  because I just can't not cope  . Thanks  again  nige

Hi Diane  me again  did you ever  think all  the time  about your   past  even  looking at things   .regards nige

Yes I feel exactly as you 

You are not alone 

Please read about me 

Yes I have spent a lot of time thinking about mistakes that I think that I have made in my past but with counseling and meds I am much better and stay busy thinking about today and some about the future. Diane

Yes I too think about all my past mistakes so many I think we do all do that perhaps we are more honest than others 

So hard to put past behind 

I am 69 and wish I could move on 

Do feel afraid most days 

1.42 am and again can’t sleep 

Hi carol   thanks for your reply   the trouble  with me is  I can't live without my past   I feel so lonely  hate each day  I want to  still live  but can't cope   with the life i have now  it's a nightmare  24/7   my ex partner and life is on my mind  I have one best mate  that I have a chance to go and stay with but I am scared  too because  I know that I will be thinking of the past  and won't go out  just stay in  which is not right on him  but I have been staying with my parents  and it's  hard  now  to stay here   .

Hi carol    also  4 years  is a very long time  to still  miss my past   experience partner  and the life I had  and not be able to move on  must be more than depression wrong with me but doctors say  it is depression  . Nige