Depression and anxiety affecting relationships

Mental health
1

Hi all, bear with me as this may take a lot of explaining.

I really need some help. I am a 22 year old who has just recently started a Master's degree. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in the second year of my undergraduate degree, partly due to undergoing an awfully messy and horrendous breakup, and partly due to the extreme stress and hard work that my chosen degree entailed. After some counselling with the university and then some on the NHS, as well as a prescription of propanolol, I started to feel better. This was around July 2015.

After I started to get better, I was able to form a new relationship with my current partner. We've now been together a little over a year. I graduated in July 2016, and I had an amazing summer doing a great deal of enjoyable things. I also gained about a stone in weight. I've always had self esteem issues and a severe lack of confidence, and my mother and grandmother place a great deal of emphasis on being physically attractive. Therefore, this has recently led to some fights and disagreements about my weight and how I should look. As well, I have been fighting more and more with my partner, whereas before we did not have many serious fights.

I recently started my Master's, as I stated, and lately I have been feeling the way I felt last year. Now I am often unable to get out of bed straight away, I feel what I can only describe as an empty, hollow feeling, I am crying a lot, and also stress eating. I can't sleep at night and when I do I have a lot of nightmares. Even the smallest things set me off crying. I've always been sensitive, but this is a lot worse than before. I can't focus, and I dread coming home to my parents. I want to escape, but I can't for financial reasons. I am fighting a lot with my parents. As a person, I've always been lonely and enjoyed my own company. As a result, this has given me stunted communication skills. I am not close enough to my parents to discuss problems I have with them. There have been cases when I've told my mam things and she's told my dad even though I asked her not to, so I've just always kept to myself.

Another point worth noting is that I work part time in retail. Normally, I don't let myself get stressed at work, since I only work there part time, and I am a good worker. However, the manager of the shop is a bit of an arse. I imagine this is probably the case with most people who manage shops. Lately she has been worse than usual with the festive season approaching. She's one of those people who you don't know how they are going to treat you as it's dependent on what mood she is in.

I think I am just overwhelmed with all that is happening at the minute. I feel so awful everyday, I feel down, I feel like I am hitting rock bottom. I don't like that the way I feel is impacting my relationships with the very few people in the world that I allow to be close to me. I always push people away, and I'm doing it now, though I don't want to. The obvious solution is to talk to a professional, so I've put myself in correspondence with the university counselling team at present. Of course, it may be awhile until I get a response. I just thought I'd post here on the off chance that spilling my feelings out would be cathartic. Has anybody else ever been in a similar scenario? If so, please offer me any advice you can. Or advice in general would be really helpful to me.

If you stuck through this whole post, I salute you.

2

I stuck through it, I

wish you the very best of luck getting through this.

Val x

3

Hi,

well on the bright side, you definitely do have a lot of good going for you. Soon you will finish your Masters and will be able to start your career. And you are in a happy relationship.

So basically, soon enough you will not have to live with your parents and your intense study program will also draw to a close. 

Meanwhile, I know, you are still very depressed. I think you should go to a GP and get some advice from him and see if you can go for counseling, just so you can talk to someone you trust and wont lay judgment on you.

I do believe you probably are clincally depressed

4

 When people say rude things, it says a lot more about them, then it does you.  ALWAYS keep that in mind.  

it is obvious by what you wrote that you are very intellegent!  But you have a lot on your plate that would be lot for anyone!

I know you are tired, but take the time to change your diet.  Good nutrition will help you feel better and stay away from junk food. Eat more meat and veggies.  one thigh and 3/4 plate of cooked cruciferous verggies should fill you up, if not eat two chicken thighs.  If you still have munchies, eat some fruit with nuts, a very healthy snack. If you must have chocoate, always eat high end and pair it with nuts or seeds.  Two eggs and veggies for breakfast is great, and remember to drink water or herbal tea, stay away from large amounts of caffeine. 

I cook up a pastry sheet full of chicken thighs, then in indiviual containers, i put one or two in each (i use baggies and freeze individual pieces. Then get some squash or greens, kale and broccolli, steam them up and freeze/refigerate into meal size containers.  For lunch, take the lunches out of the freezer and you will have healthy food and will be less likely to eat junk food (junk food is anything with a label). 

Almost all parents, no matter how well meaning they are, cross the line with their kids.  I am a mom and I have had errors in judgement on more them one occasion. My son sets me strait  We react to things that we know; young folks have more education and insite these days more then in my day.  Be loving and patient, but firm as to how you expect them to treat you if they want to have a loving realtionship with you. I do not talk to my mother anymore as she is rude and disrespctful to everyone, not just me.  But I have no tollerance for it anymore.  

I don't know if it is good advice or not, but when they point out what they think are your flaws, simply point out theirs. Look'm hard in the eyes and say, "yes, I know how perfect you are, thank you for  . . ."  I have had to do this with my parents and abusive "friends", it really works. It is setting boundaries and you will feel good after you voice your mind.  It gets easier and less harsh, you find nicer wasy to tell people to shut the eff up

I know you have lots to read already, but if you look up a book called "Why Does He Do That", it was a very helpful book for me to read about abusive people. It is geared toward male perps, but it can be used to understadn any abusive person in your life. Sometimes people do not know how much they are hurting others; words just fall out of thier faces without thinking. I hope that is the case with your folks.

Everyone puts on weigh in college! I put on over 6 stone in college, now I am borderline underweight. Being heavy is no the end of the world, don't let it determine your self worth or value.

You said you adn your BF are arguing, it is over your weight? If so, tell him he needs to be more respectful of you and you will not tollerate any more comments about your weight.  There are plenty of men out there that will show you respect if you expect it.  

When young i had 5 years of ■■■■ under a nurse I worked for.  She yelled at me in front of patients and their families often.  I, like you, felt horrid and never stood up to her, but I leanrhd.  Wen I got my next job, I put on the apperance of confidence, even though I didn't feel it, but it worked. Bosses never troubled me again.  Watch confident people, see how they interact and do it.  Tony Robbins has some good books and Utube vidios, check him out, He is very inspiring.  

Fianlly, do you have any support groups in your school or could you start one? 

If you read this whole post, I also solute you too!

Hang in there, you can do this!!!    

5

Hi Straughairium - sorry to read of your dilemma. The first thing is to get a reassessment for meds. You need to get that depression under control. Second, try to ignore the negative statements of others. Weight is a fluctuating fact of life and there is no such thing as "perfect." If you are comfort eating, it would be an idea to look at healthier alternatives. Third, you are heading to a bright future and are ensuring that by studying for your degree. Keep your focus on that outcome because the situation of the present moment/situation is not permanent and soon you will have the power of choice. Fourth, you are lucky to have a partner to support you emotionally through what is happening now. Putting yourself into the hands of the University Counselling Team is a sensible move. You need support systems that will not judge you and will provide coping skills to help you through. Soon, you will have that degree and can leave that job with the arse. Her moods are not your fault or your problem. If it's too much, you could quietly seek another job since you now have experience in th workforce. Best of luck to you - things will get better.

6

Hi straughairium,

I wish I could offer you advice because I know exactly what your feeling right now. What you've explained is pretty much similar to me (aside from the stress of uni).

ruining relationships and not being able to talk to anyone about this, all I want to do is escape too.

Not sure if this helps but I tend to day dream a lot make a life up in my head which I am happy in (mainly travelling meeting people) sounds very sad but it actually does calm me down a bit and then I think maybe it's not so bad after all.

If you need anyone to talk to feel free to talk.