I promise you that you will be absolutely fine Aimee, I know the hardest thing in the world is to ask you to ride this out as calmly as possible but you really need too try to relax a little bit of you want to get better quicker, about 2 years ago I had anxiety really badly, for about 6months I didn't go to work and I followed my boyfriend around EVERYWHERE he went including the toilet and to work, I just couldn't bare to be alone with my own thoughts it was so scary not being safe in my own head, my eyes would glaze over and I'd sit and stare and think horrible thoughts with tears streaming down my cheek, I didn't want to wash, eat or even be alive because it was too hard, if it wasn't my scary thoughts ruining every waking second then it was my constant gasping for breath, swallowing or my heart beating really fast or skipping beats altogether.
now that was the most scariest experience of my life, I spent 8months feeling absolutely psychotic and most days I wanted to end my life because I didn't have a life anymore, I was barely existing.
my thoughts were irrational of course but that didn't stop them being so scary to me that I couldn't even breathe.
Now Aimee, I know life is hard right now but you have to relax, I saw my anxiety as a rabbit hole- I could easily spiral down and become nothing- either be insane forever or end my life but I knew that if I kept crawling up I could get out of this little by little, I figured out up until now I was doing nothing to help myself and even if I thought I was, it clearly wasn't working! so I spoke about my worries and problems with my boyfriend, I took my medication (sertraline 250mg and propranalol 80mg) and instead of staring into space I'd feel the negative thoughts coming on and I'd take deep breaths in, when I felt breathless I'd tell myself if I can talk I can breathe, and slowly I'd have better days, I set goals for myself like if my boyfriend was only going to work for a few hours I'd stay at home instead of go with him, after about 6weeks I had become 80% me again! I remember the proudest day of my whole life was going for a 30minute walk to work by myself to tell them I'd like to go back to work as i feel better. I couldn't believe I'd managed to do that by myself!!! so proud, all these little steps make you feel like a normal person again and one day, very soon I hope, you will be telling someone your success story.
It's really important to remember you are not the only one going through this and that you will feel better again.
Also I'm a nurse and I deal with anxiety and depression from patients on a daily basis, it's so important to be able to relate to people I think it helps them when I share my personal experience so keep talking to others Aimee, You're doing just fine.