When i started 8th grade to 10th - age 13 to 15 i got bullied alot because i had some immense lenght growth and couldnt eat enough, so i looked like a skeleton. I had over 300 days absent from school during these 3 years, a total of 1 year missing. i was crying alot and depressed and couldnt goto school, had extremely high anxiety. with parents it was extremely hard to tell them because i got social fobia. Those years wasn't so bad, but then i got to highschool or whatever with alot more people, i couldnt take it and alot of absense there aswell. i wasn't physically mocked but people more or less spoke behind my back and said bad things atleast so it felt like. So, i drop out of school and my doctor gets to know, we try some part time job but couldnt do that either dropped out, after that it took more or less 6 months+ without doing anything just being at home, i couldnt go outside or meet friends i lost all my friends. I tell them i want to suicide, they still dont think im depressed and thinks i just have some minor issue and state they couldnt find much in the tests they did. My doctor got to know and never sent me to any therapy for suicidal people, in the end i ended up sitting at home for 5 years, the best days of growing up from age 16 to 20 was all Lost forever because my doctor didnt do anything and didnt care. he knew i didnt have school or job and i couldnt get out the house for years yet he didnt do shit. after 5 years we go and talk again, i get some money support which i could gotten at age 18... (3 years before) and then i get sent to some therapy but again the therapy i was sent to was some imbecile lady who also couldnt get me to progress with my anxiety or depression as in taking small steps, all she did was explaining and suggest what i could do to improve. after 1 year nothing happends and im still the same, she still doesnt give me anything like anti depressants. or medications at all. After 7 years (23 years old) i saw some life changing things like friends getting pregnant on facebook, and then i really wanted to live again and asked my doctor for anti depressants and they work, im 1 week in just of writing this and everything seems alot easier, my anxiety was so extreme i couldnt talk up or say things i didnt like, everything needed to be the regular and sound as usual. So here we have it, from age 16 to 23 my doctor did Nothing and he knew i had no school and was depressed at home couldnt goto the Mall to buy things, i couldnt goto the city, i couldnt meet friends i had lost everything my entire life ruined, i couldnt get any girlfriend, i couldnt go outside the house. I also blame my parents, i asked now for my doctors journal of everything off me so i can get Dates and see how little thats actually been done on me cause i know its not much as i know 1800 of the days i've been home, maybe the first years it was 100 days of trying to help and then over 6 years maybe around 100 days total of help with 90% of that being the recent events after i got support and sent to some therapy that didnt even work. When i get the journal i can finally see that i've been let down by my parents aswell, often when i speak to them they say they did so much but i already know thats not true and now i gotta have some proper papers and proofs up to see how dissapointing they have been in supporting me, cause they gave up on me and thought it would just go away, like holy fuck. cant go outside the house and its just gonna go away by itself are you serious. and they knew i could get support at 18 but said i might not been motivated to go back to school if i got it, look at me now, no school and a ruined life where i could had 3 years more of support already. they took all the wrong decisions and gave up on me and didnt realise how bad things really were. Now with anti depressants i feel like i can do the things i want without caring too much what others think, this was my main issue and its only been 1 week why the FUCK havent they TRIED THIs BEFORE WHEN IM ABSENT FROM SCHOOL 300 DAYS AND SCARED TO GO THERE AND DROP OUT OF NEXT SCHOOL AND CANT GOTO THE STORE, GO OUTSIDE, IM SCARED AND DEPRESSED and LOST SO MUCH of my life BECAUSE OF MY fuckdumb doctor. If you break your leg, you can still go outside, you dont feel pain when trying to go outside. you can still meet friends and goto the city and do fun things, i never could and i cried for years and struggled, i gave up and wanted to suicide. Alot of people i meet think they had it worse because they got lets say raped by their dad at lower age and got some forced memories that made them cry and scared and feeling like they lost a family member, but here am i losing EVERYONE and i cant feel anything i cant feel emotions (now i can) they never understood the scope of not being able to not do things yourself, going outside, goto the store when u want, meet friends and live a life. they still could do this but i couldn't. I always want to be nice and look like im the nice guy in my family, i would never want to say they didnt do much for me but thats the truth and its time i start realising that i really hate them aswell, their methods was shit and they never found a nice /good way of discussing things, they just did the usual walk into my room and ask something they knew i would say no to like want to goto this thing or that thing they were also in the wrong direction trying to fix things themselfs instead of asking for help. My dad = you are not damaged anywhere you are a nicely upgoing boy that can do anything just because i have not broken any bones in my body he thinks im totally capable of everything and that i have no issues. like fuck sake thats how fucking dumb he is after watching me 7 years inside his own house doing NOTHING and he thinks im TOTALLY FINE??? what a dumb piece of schiet. Its alot easier for me to care about myself and do things i want with these anti depressants and get the conversations i want. Because before i was afraid to do so. This is my story, my parents was not supportive enough and gave up on me thinking i could fix everything myself if they did Nothing and how my doctor doesnt see the obvious even when he gets told i wanted to suicide and that was in the beginning aka 7 years ago. Thanks for reading, my life is fucked because of my family, parents and doctor. they gave next to no support. I Was the one who came up asking for anti depressants just like that and suddenly i had solved the case myself out of nowhere when he is the one who's supposed to find out and give that kind of threatment.
Hi robin955
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts: Where to get help, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you’re going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
what medication has helped you feel better?