Ok bare with me, bit of a long story but those who have suffered with depression or have had a close friend/partner going through it please give your input.
So I had this guy as a friend, well that's how we started off, he liked me from day one but just wanted him as a friend but eventually I liked him more and more, so this friend has had a very hard life and I'm talking about being homeless, been in hangs etc, Hes had it tough, been abandoned, and with obvious reasons he suffers from depression, I didn't know this or didn't know how bad it was, so one day he told me he's just feeling a bit down so I'm like ah why and chatting as usual, then the things he use to do, the little things that make one feel special eventually faded, I'd travel for like 2.5 hrs to see him and he didn't even have any sort of physical contact with me so there I'm left feeling insecure and unattractive so as a female would I'm complaining, and he explains to me that his depression has something to do with it, anyway as we try to continue this relationship I'm always trying to make him feel worthwhile but he's not doing the same so my confidence is going downhill and yes I complained, and at times I was selfish and didn't see what he was going through, anyway I tested him and basically he'd messaged a girl saying he was single when she asked and looking for a queen, even tho we had both agreed that we see each other as gf bf, so I confronted him about this and he wanted forgiveness at first but then when I said I can go on with the relationship he was like he needs to think I'm here thinking wtf like he's in the wrong and making me wait for his answer. anyway since then I've tried and have realised that yes I have been selfish and told him how bad i felt, and we spoke, then I didn't hear from him, then he msgd me and I kinda wanted to know where I stand because let's face it, it's not healthy not knowing where u stand with someone, and he said its not wise to ask him that while he is in the stat that he's in which is understandable but this also effects me, so I'm just giving him space, now I'm like, do I message him and just show I'm here, or take it that no I'm not wanted? Cause I'm not sure how he feels, like he's In a bad way and I feel like I should be there and make sure he knows he isn't alone but then again he might not want me to be, I don't wanna message him and feel stupid and unwanted for it.