Depression or not in love anymore ?

[nh_user_1208229]

Hi, I hope some people can read this and help me or share their experiences. I’m french so sorry my faults. 

So, 2 months ago, I was with my boyfriend, I had a moment of panick. Actually, he asked me 4 month ago to move on with him (but he wasnt into it, and wasn’t planning anything). It was the best thing of my life. So, 2 month ago I was at his place talking about our vacations in October and he was doing something else. And I Felton disappointed. And I started freaking out. I sent a message to my best friend telling her “Omg, if I move on with him, what’s about passion in relationship ? And I don’t want to be the only that care about us.” 

I told that to my boyfriend, we talked and I though it was ok. But then I realize some modification in my behavior. I was less jealous, less upset, less close to him. So, another panick. And this one is here since 2 months. 

No I’m always thinking “Do I love him ? What does love mean ?  Is it the only one ? Is there someone outside better for me ? Do I want to move on with him ?” 

And I’m looking at his flaws, which stupid cause I know I love him and find him so beautiful. But when I look at him it looks like something is missing. And I don’t what and why ... 

The worst thing is not even that. Probably a month ago, I’ve started to think about my ex. I feel so guilty. I feel I’m an horrible person. 

I’m am with my actual boyfriend since 3 years. The most amazing 3 years of my life. 

I’ve been with my ex boyfriend during 2 years. And it was awful. Always arguing. I was not happy, the only memories I have are with his family that I liked a lot, of about gifts he gave me. But we had nothing in common. During my actual relationship I’ve already talked to him. But not in good terms, I mean, all my friends already did that and I’ve never thought about him, as he missed me or something else. 

And now it’s all confusion in my head. I’m like “Whaf if i still love him after all this time ? What does it means to think about him ? What if it’s what I deserve ?” 

I can’t do it anymore. I want my relationship to go back to what it was. 

When I think about my ex, I have 0 memories with him. But I have moment of simple life. And I want that with my boyfriend. 

My therapist asked me if I looked depressed before. Actually since April I’ve noticed some difference in my reactions. Not about my boyfriend. Like, less expressive and less happy or upset, all those a big feelings. 

But it was ok. I mean I wasn’t unhappy. But now thaf it toucha my relationship I’m so lost. 

And now I don’t know if I am like this because i have trouble in my relationship or if i have trouble in my relationship because I’m depressed. 

For example, I went in Germany last week. And on the airport to come I loose my passport. I had my ID but it was out of date. And I did not freak out. I was “let’s just see”. 

And I don’t if I reacted this way because I was sad bc of my couple of just because I’m not enjoying things anymore. 

Idk what to think about all that. 

[nh_user_963132]

Laetitia

The problem is really yours, you are not unusual, most people when young have doubts if relationships are right or wrong for them, or if we do the right thing walking away from a relationship. The problem is we generally cannot go back to an earlier time where we were with someone else. Now you are doing the same thing with the second Partner and anyone here cannot really step in your shoes and tell you what to do

The problem should not just relate to sex, although I do understand some may feel that is the most important thing in their lives.

Consider relationships rely on care and being kind to each other, you also have the same interests and what each of your needs and expectations are, these points are just as important as sex, you cannot just rely on sex there are other things you both need to consider. What interests do you have, occupations matter and something else needs to be considered how much respect do you have for him and him for you.

Later life sex may not be the same for both of you, other actions may be more meaningful the relationship may be a comfort to your both as you consider any children/grandchildren etc

Sex is nice, however love is more important

BOB

[nh_user_1209044]

Laetitia as I understand after reading your story you need to concentrate your mind at one point.

Means if you are in a relationship with someone you should forget your ex. Means if you repeatedly thinking about your ex -boyfriend then you can't able to continue your successful relationship with the current person in your life.

When we have a lot of things circulate in our mind we never able to decide perfectively what is wrong or what is right for us.Because at this age everyone has a confusion about relationship whether they have to do or not.Mainly I want to say you have to change your mind regarding your current boyfriend. If he really loves you he can understand that you won't feel comfortable sex right now.You can continue your relationship in a good way as you should think about the qualities of your boyfriend instead of flaws.After that, you should sit alone and think really you love him or not if really love him you should continue your relation better way. 

[nh_user_541299]

Sorry for the late post,

I can understand what you mean but all I can give you is my experience. in 2008 I met my girlfriend under pressure from her I gave up 3 good jobs. Under pressure from her I bought, continually through the purchasing she told me she didn't love me or trust me unless the purchase came through. I stuck with her and eventually had kidney stones, and a full on breakdown.

I knew I didn't love her but I didn't know how to express this, this increased my anxiety. I was drinking on my medication and misusing it. During that period I committed an illegal act. a year later and it came back to haunt me.

I've since learned that a relationship ending is the same as bereavement. I'm still paying for my crime and the authorities refuse to believe its a one off.

Anyway, i'll leave you to think about that and throw it open for discussion.

[nh_user_1209447]

Hi 

You sound incredibly confused about everything. 

Why don’t you take some space from him and breathe and be alone for a while and see how you feel? 

It doesn’t have to be long - a week maybe - just to see how you feel during that time. 

Give you time to think and look after you and maybe you’ll feel less confused. 

Good luck xxx